I wish that the incident that I described in the last post was the only trouble I was having in the psychoanalytic psychotherapy class. It isn’t. I had another run in about a clinical issue. I recieved such a bad and unprofessional reaction to something that I presented that I came home and decided that I will not be doing any further prevsnting in the supervision group.
When I told Igor he described the incident as “sadisistic”. If I could tell you what it was you would agree with him. Igor encouraged me to tell the supervisor my feelings about the incident and I am so glad he did. Conversely, as Igor knows the players in this drama, he most definitely did not advise me to confront the memory-phobic instructors. I did, however, call the chair of the program and tell her about the troubles I have had with the envious-amnesiacs. The chair was gracious and even apologetic—and she seemed eager for me to write all that I had shared with her in my course evaluation., “this is the kind of thing we want to know when planning for next year.”
When I contacted the supervisor I initially chickened out and said via email: “Just FYI:, I will not be presenting in supervision anymore.” The instructor wrote back immediately and said , in essence, “Of course. You should only do what is best for you. That said, is there anything I should know about. Do you need to process anything that happened?” I wrote back and said, “Well now that you mention it…” and then I told him how much I had enjoyed the supervision and how I had valued what I had gotten out of learning about his theoretical lens of perspective but that something had happened( I’m not at liberty to share the details with you of what happened) but I did tell him what happened and why I would be doing no further presenting. As soon as I sent him the email I felt both terrified and liberated. Why terrified? I was afraid of getting in trouble. I thought he would be defensive and deny the incident. Minutes later I got back an email in which the supervisor took complete blame for the incident and he sincerely apologized. His reaction felt honest and sincere and I was wonderfully surprised and felt something close to vindicated and acknowledged. I love it when people are mature, responsible and accountable.
Continue reading ‘Should I stay or should I go now?’