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Confrontation with Igor: A bad hair cut, new shoes and a loss of power

Before I get to the confrontation I thought I would do a quick review of the events that lead up to it:

  • July 9th I got mad at how Igor interpreted the Dave Eggers dream. I was sure he was saying that he thought I should give up writing.
  • Two weeks ago I got mad at him for bringing up his sister who hated L.A. and moved to France and her adopted baby and talking about He-weasel’s job instead of me.
  • Last Thursday I saw him and brought in the bulldozer dream and he didn’t seem to get it. And, as I felt weak, hurt and pretty fragmented I did not confront him or tell me how I really felt—and told him I was going to go on an extended vacation.
  • Friday night I dreamt that I went to my old hairdresser that ruined my hair and who had a bit of a crush on me. The old hairdresser wasn’t happy to see me which seemed odd to me. He cut my hair. He cut it so short that it was above my ears. I was furious. I told him I was not leaving until he fixed it. I told him he had to put on extensions and make it right.

The bulldozer dream seemed to say that what was productive had become destructive and that anger was the best course of action. I got angry. I wrote about my anger here and I went and told him about it( flipping him off, so to speak). The last dream with the haircut gone wrong once I saw the damage I refused to leave. Each dream has a different course of action in regards to Igor.

The haircut dream and your comments made me feel that I needed to not just cut off from Igor. Rather, because of the bad cut I needed to extend it and have things made right and not just flip him off and walk away. As many of you kindly counseled, it is important to let him know how I feel. Freida Bee, MD said…Ok, Belette. I do not know whether you should break up with Igor or not, but I do do do think you should tell him how you are feeling in an attempt to resolve this before you break up. It may be the most valuable part of your therapy.

By Saturday morning I knew I had to see him again. I had to tell him how exactly I felt and how he had been pissing me off. As Linda said, “In the end, you need to talk to him, before you tell him to fuck off…in my opinion, it would be good to tell him every single thing you can remember he said, and how it made you feel and find out specifically what the meaning is behind some of the strangeness.” “Go back and explain how he made you feel – noting that these feelings, generated by his stories, are not what your expectations are.”

I have seen Igor for nine months and feel like we have done a lot of good work and it just seemed wrong to leave without telling him what I was feeling. K-line said, “I do think Igor has participated with you in some fantastic self-development. Occasionally, I have been blown away by his insights…..Is it also possible that he was just having a really off day and wasn’t using his best professional demeanour? (to put it mildly).”
As Seraphine said, “relationships should be easy at least 90% of the time.” By that measure Igor and I have a great relationship.

Imogen really hit the point home when she said: “I’m glad you didn’t break up with He-Weasel first disagreement you had (I’m assuming you’ve had a disagreement or two)“. Oooh, yeah, that really got to me. Imogen is right. This is the first disagreement I have had with Igor. And doesn’t every relationship have a disagreement or two—even my relationship with He-weasel has had a few.

I called Igor first thing Monday morning to schedule an appointment with him for 4:15 that day. Between the time I called him and saw him I read and reread all of your comments and I was enormously comforted by them. I read them aloud to He-weasel and he said, “I wouldn’t want to be in Igor’s shoes right now. There’s nothing more protective or fierce than Belette blog readers.” He-weasel was deeply touched by the generous outpouring of support I received from all of you.

I got to Igor’s office an hour early. It was far too hot to sit outside at a cafe and write in my journal. His waiting room was also not an option as it is not air conditioned and I can tell you that it is not a gross hyperbole to compare it to a Native American sweat lodge. I didn’t have the spiritual strength to endure the sweat lodge so I walked over to David’s Shoes and tried on several pair of sandals as a means of time killing. First I tried a pair of Donald Pliner mules that I liked but weren’t very practical or comfortable. Next I tried a pair of Michael Kors high heeled thongs that I really liked and finally a pair of Amalfi black patent sandals with a two tone heel. The Amalfi sandals won out as they were 50% off, cute and very comfortable. That took all of 15 minutes and I was back to the sweat lodge with new shoes in hand.

I couldn’t take the heat so I stood in the doorway waiting for 4:10 to arrive. When 4:10 did come I went into his office and he immediately came out to greet me. He looked especially chipper and happy to see me, which only made me feel worse. I was nervous, in fact I was so nervous about confronting him that I had to take something for anxiety just to get myself to do it. Once I began to speak I did a whole lot of disclaiming, “I am not an angry person. I hate doing this. I don’t blame you. I am sorry. I want you to know that just because I am angry it doesn’t mean I don’t like you.” I went on and on with disclaimer after disclaimer. At one point I went as far as asking him if he wanted me to leave. He asked me, before I began reading the charges against him, where I had learned that if you are angry at someone they will hate you or reify you and not see you as a whole object but will instead forever hold it against you. I really didn’t have an answer for him.

After I cycled through my disclaimers another time I timidly read the charges against him that I had documented in my diary.
“#1) Your interpretation of the Dave Eggers dream followed by you asking me about going back to work seems to indicate that you think I should give up writing.”
As soon as I said it out loud it sounded ridiculous and in that moment I knew it wasn’t true.
I moved onto the second charge.

“#2) As soon as you heard about New Jersey and that we might be moving there it was as if you abandoned me and no longer cared about me or took our work seriously. It was as if I was no longer your patient and so you spent the session talking about He-weasel’s job and then when I told you the baguette dream you told me about your sister in France who adopted a baby. That seemed sadistic. It seemed as if you were trying to depress me.”

“I would have to be a mean shit to do something like that? Wouldn’t I?” Igor asked.
I thought of what PenNolan said: “I doubt he’s self-absorbed and mean.” PenNolan is right.
He’s not. I know he cares about me. I don’t believe for a second that
he intentionally tried to hurt me. I really don’t.

I explained that I felt as if he hadn’t taken the Whole Foods/baguette dream seriously. His interpretation was all about him. I felt that he missed something fundamental about me and that the dream was saying that too. As Chittychat said, “The feelings a dream evokes are meant to be a really important part of the meaning of that dream. As the baguette dream left you feeling upset and misunderstood, it would seem that Igor probably is currently failing to understand your surface (or maybe top) issues and resources (a guess as to what the whole foods really are) let alone address your deeper resources. His rudeness in disclosing his sister’s personal situation and then ignoring your obvious anguish, is shameful. ”

Or as Linda said: “Perhaps he thinks your dream meant you don’t think you are getting your money’s worth, so are bringing something of MORE( the groceries) worth in terms of real cash, and so he is taking a weird tangent OR he was really thrown by it all, your frankness and the sexual undertones too, and just didn’t know what to do for the session…I don’t get the self-disclosure at all…

I wish I had been as articulate as Chittycat or Linda had been. I was much less so. I said simply, “It really hurt and felt cruel that you would bring up your sister. And, I just don’t feel like you are getting something basic about me. The Whole Foods dream said as much. I understand that there are times when self disclosure is clinically important but in this case it just felt cruel and inappropriate.”

He said something in response to my charge but it was not the kind of apology I had hoped for—-in fact it was not an apology at all. He said stuff about him bumbling through the session and how his unconscious had been in the room and something about there being two Belettes. One Belette is strong, funny, and loves spontaneity. The other Belette is very vulnerable. Igor said, “I forgot for a moment about the second Belette.”

I knew what he was saying but what I wanted him to say that he did not is “I am sorry.” I waited through the session as we talked about my hurt, pain, the loss and the grief I felt because I felt I could no longer trust him or work with him.

“I feel like I am going backwards” I explained, “the last two weeks I have felt like I am back where I was before we started working together. I didn’t realize until you failed me how much hope you carry for me. You carry the hope that I can get over my baby grief; hope that I can find a home; hope that I will finish my book; hope that I can heal the sensitivity that prevents me from sending my work out. I feel like I lost all of that hope last Thursday.”

“No wonder it feels so frightening and dangerous—and that you are so anxious. You were cut off from the little hope you had.”

Tears came against my will.

Half way through the session the power went out in Igor’s building. No A/C , fan or lights. We sat in darkness and heat and attempted to find a connection that had been cut off.

Igor talked about a lot of things in response to my charges and I could tell that he was able to take my anger and still continue to care about me. I could feel that. But, I did finding myself wanting more. I wanted him to apologize.

When my 5o minutes were up Igor asked me, “Will you be back on Thursday?”
“I don’t know.”
“That’s okay. There is time between now and Thursday. But I hope that you do.”
Igor got up from his chair when I stood to leave and he hugged me. He hugged me not like a man, or a friend, a father or even as a therapist. He hugged me like a bear. There was a strength to his hug that said things that he didn’t say in the session but that were transmitted through the fierceness of his embrace and the quiet instructions he whispered in my ear, “take care of yourself.” I tried to nod in affirmation but I was paralyzed by the intensity of his grip.

I struggled between my feelings of anger, disappointment with his lack of a direct apology and the certainty that he cares and that he has helped me a lot and that I trust him and I can feel the fierceness of concern in the residue of the embrace. I felt conflicted and unsure whether I would be returning and whether this would be the last time I ever saw him.

I scanned the room trying to take in every book, every tchotchke, and detail that I had never taken the time to consider. It seemed important to memorize the heights of the stacks, the weaves of the carpet and the ephemera of his outer life: keys and sunglasses that sit on his desk. I stared at his face as he spoke to me hoping that if I focused hard enough I could remember what he looks like, when I leave.

I left Igor’s office and walked out into the dark hallway. I made a sound to indicate my surprise by the darkness. I noticed in me a wish that Igor would have come to my rescue, that he would have anticipated the darkness and walked me to the stairwell to make sure I was alright. He didn’t. I found my way out on my own.

Things I am sure of after seeing him:

a) He is not cruel or sadistic.
b) He doesn’t think I should quit writing.
c) He did not make up an imaginary sister.
d) He did not say the things about his sister to intentionally hurt me or provoke me.
e) He can take my anger and that is important. As, Where to from here? shared,
“From my own experience in therapy being angry with the therapist is a vital part of the process. In my last bout of therapy with a male therapist – I felt I’d made an enormous break through as he was the only one (of four over the years) that I could actually express my anger to. Igor is bound to get things wrong – he’s human and a man too.”

f) It was good for me to confront him.
g) I don’t want to work with someone else. Finding a good therapist is harder than the needle in a haystack or a non-acting waiter in L.A.
h) All of my upsets with Igor have brought some very important issues to the fore. As the ever wise Wendy B said “It seems like all of this is bringing up key issues. Is that part of the treatment or just unnecessary annoyance? Could you make progress from this? All progress is painful (that’s why I try to avoid progressing). If he really is pushing you forward, does it matter if you like the way he’s doing it? Would you dislike the way anyone was pushing you forward because you don’t want to confront those things? Again, I don’t know….since I am not there and not you. He could just be an asshole. But I wonder because you have seemed to have a lot of success with him and I didn’t get the impression he was an asshole before.”

i) He gives great hugs.
j) He is not an asshole.
k) I would miss him if I quit.

Even though I know all that, I also know I want the apology. I will ask for it on Thursday and see what happens. Even if I don’t get the kind of apology I want I wonder if there is a way I can continue to work with him. Wendy asked me, “What if he will never take as much responsibility as you would like him to? Will that actually help you with learning to cope with the situations over which you have no control, and is the fact that his behavior won’t change a moot point? Or is it abusive? I really have no idea at all. I guess “go with your gut” is the best plan.”

My gut is of two minds and until my gut has made up its mind I don’t have to make a decision. There is no hurry. I am in the dark for no
w and I will find my way out of it.

K-line Q and A

K-line, my buddy, pal and mon amie tres gentile, has tagged me with a little Q and A. I know that I owe lots of memes and I have to be honest that I have lost the list that housed all the memes that I owe. So, I am trying a new thing. I am going to try and respond immediately to memes. We’ll see how long I can keep that up.

Here are the guidelines:

1. Respond and rework. Answer the questions on your blog, replace one question you dislike with a question of your own invention; add a question of your own.

2. Tag eight other un-tagged people.

What is your current obsession? Just one?Realtor.com, liposuction, Object-Relations Theory, finding the perfect creams: eye creme, night cream, and body cream

Good fika place? (That would be coffee to us non-Swedes) Peet’s

Do you nap a lot? Strangely, no. I certainly have the time and the lack of energy and yet I choose to be chronically tired instead

Who was the last person you hugged? Lily. Hey, don’t go telling me she isn’t a person

What’s for dinner? Sauteed scallops with green beans and garlic mashed potatoes. Want to come over? Bring wine.

What was the last thing you bought? Yet another black pencil skirt from the Gap

What are you listening to right now? The news and yet I am ignoring it. “Unemployment,blah-blah-blah”; “Credit crisis, blah, blah, blah.” “Last night “Dancing With the Stars” boasted a lot of firsts: Gilles Marini got the first perfect 30 score of the season”

What is your favourite weather? 66 degrees with that fall crisp in the air that means the leaves are changing colour and that I will be baking pumpkin pie

What’s on your bedside table? A lamp, Vanity Fair, Lily’s spider toy, my ever present notebook, and The Gift of Therapy: An Open Letter to a New Generation of Therapist’s and Their Patients

Say something to the person/s who tagged you. You are such a smart, funny, wise, giving and dear friend. I learn so much from you and I cannot thank you enough for your kindness, honesty and generosity of spirit

If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you want it to be? Duh! Paris

Favourite vacation spot? See the above answer

Name the things you can’t live without. He-weasel, Lily, friends, French roast coffee, half and half, Mac Book, Igor, laughter, Frederik Fekkai Glossing Cream, Jack Daniels, and notebooks

What would you like to have in your hands right now? A finished novel that I wrote, a contract proving I had sold my book to a major publisher, and a Caesar salad from the now out of business Cafe Michelle’s in Las Vegas. They had, I kid you not, the best Caesar salad in all the world. Really, if I could get the recipe for that Caesar salad I would be the happiest weasel you ever saw. He-weasel could always tell I had lunched at Cafe Michelle’s as soon as I got out of the car and he was in the house, that is how garlicy good it was.

What is your favourite tea flavour? I hate all herbal teas. All of them. English breakfast, Chai or Earl Grey only. Don’t even get me started on my feelings about chamomile.

What would you like to get rid of? Shame, anxiety, depression and doubt. I called Salvation Army and they said they didn’t do pick ups for these items.

If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go? Big Sur, California. I want to walk the beach with Lily and then go for lunch at the Ventana Inn. It would have to be a fast lunch and walk.

What did you want to become as a child? An actress and then a ballerina and then a writer and for a while I thought I wanted to be an advertising executive and then back to writer

What do you miss? (This is my question) I miss my grandmother and playing cards with her and I miss her cooking and how she loved me

What are you reading right now? Blogs, Hooked, and the stuff on my bedside table

What’s your favourite brand of jeans? Joe’s Jeans

What designer piece of clothing would you most like to own (new or vintage)? I am not much for printed jackets but I am mad for this Elie Tahari jacket.

I tag: *Miss Musing*, Linda, Nanny Goats in Panties, Red Shoes, Mardel, Under the Sheets, Amy, and A Cat of Impossible Colours

The best time to go to Paris

Anytime is a good time to go to Paris. That said, He-weasel and I have talked a lot about the date we will go and we have had a lot of back and forth about when is the best time to go to Paris. March is a great month because flights are really cheap ( $420 round trip from NYC and $540 round trip from L.A.). Rooms are much cheaper in March too, as much as 90 to 100 Euros a night cheaper.

Last time we were there it was March and gray, overcast, and cold. We needed to carry coats everywhere we went. Also, the trees were bare and not a single flower was growing. Paris is still beautiful in late Winter, to my mind there is no place better to be in later Winter than Paris but it is still Winter.

The song “April in Paris” makes it sound like April in Paris is all spring time, daffodils, and Audrey Hepburn in blossom pink suits and buttercup yellow hats that look like over sized macarons but it can be rainy, gloomy and gray. Don’t get me wrong— I love rainy, gloomy and gray but we want to walk in Paris with Lily and we don’t want to be carrying umbrellas, rain hats and have a wee wet Westie. The upside of April in Paris there are still great room rates and flights to be had—and April is our anniversary and yes there are daffodils, cherry blossoms and bits of green to be seen.

I explained all of this to He-weasel and I was willing to sacrifice great weather for great prices He-weasel is not. He-weasel said that this time he wants to see Paris in full bloom. He also wants weather good enough not to need to carry coats, umbrellas, or scarfs. He says we can delay celebrating our anniversary for a month or celebrate it twice.

So, May it is. But prices are up in May and our budget remains the same. What is a weasel to do? The genius, generous, cupcake baker supreme and expat, Leesa (with some help from her tres gentile homme), took it upon herself to find us a fantastic three-star hotel in the heart of the 6th arrondissement that has a warm bienvenue for small dogs at an exceptionally low price. We will be getting a Superior room at a better price than we could have gotten for a standard rooms at comparable hotels—and we will even may have a view of Notre Dame. I am not announcing on the blog where we are staying as it would be a bit like putting up my home address and telephone number on the blog. Wouldn’t it?

Update on Lily prep for Paris: We have gotten very generous babysitting offers from some of the expat readers I envy. He-weasel and I cannot thank you enough. Thanks to you we might make it to a museum or two while we are in Paris. When I told Lily that she might have an afternoon or two with some of you she licked my face which is her way of saying, “C’est fantastique!”

Lily’s vet gave us a perscription for a tranquilizer for the flight. Her European microchip has been ordered. Deja Pseu has generously offered to loan us her Sherpa dog carrier so Lily has a snug and safe place to spend the flight. Lily sends more licks of love to you, Deja.

Lily is hoping for a little update in her wardrobe for her first trip to Paris. A jaunty flowered collar, a tutu, and maybe a spring coat. Okay, it is me that wants those things for her. Well, it will be her first time in Paris and she should be appropriately attired for her debut to French society. Oui?

More info on When to Go to Paris and descriptions of Paris in March, April, or May.

With apology to Walt Whitman and thanks to friends

I remember reading somewhere that when Madonna has a major disappointment she gives herself two days to feel like crap and then she gets her well defined glutes back to the gym, and to Gyrotonics, and then a quick high-colonics. I am no Madonna. It often takes me two-three weeks and maybe more depending on the disappointment or rejection and my normal probably looks a lot like what Madonna considers to be full on slacking.

It has been only five days since my rejection and thanks to all of you I am feeling much-much-much better. I cannot thank you enough for your incredible comments, tremendously insightful and hope inspiring emails and all around loveliness.

Because of your kindness and encouragement I am off the couch and off the Cap’n Crunch Crackberry Crack habit before it was too late and I was a full on Crunchberry Beast with a four bowl a day habit on a corn syrup high writing poems of praise to my Cap’n:

“O Captain! my Captain! My cereal is done.
The dish is in the top rack and the prize in box is none.
The store is near, the delivery truck’s motor I wait to hear.
My stomach hollow seeks the carbs of Cappy’s berry crunch.
But O stomach! Stomach! Stomach!
I crave your berries as if crack.
Where on the shelf my Captain lied
now only oatmeal can be spied.

I am done with sweets and out of sweats and into jeans and sweaters. I haven’t cried in days and have even left the house. And, thanks to wonderful friends I even have this strange emotion I have heard some describe as hope and optimism.

My thanks to my following friends is even greater, if less poetry inducing, than to the Cap’n:

1. WendyB for so many reasons.
a) For believing in me.
b) For inspiring me to sit down and write an outline to a novel.
c) For starting an incredible Twitter viral marketing campaign with K.Line. You both made my heart a pitter with your very supportive and traffic inducing Twitters. Sorry, I am still coming down from the Cap’n crunch. Corn syrup and artificial berry flavors bring out the corny poet in me. But, seriously, when I saw your Tweets and Re-Tweets I was touched beyond what I can say in haiku or iambic pentameter. Thank you both so much. Hey, was that more than 140 characters?
d) For much more including saying:”You don’t have to give people hope if you can make them laugh. That generates empathy right there.” As Igor would say, “Vendy eez vise!”

Please, Wendy, in all your free time, would you be my agent? I feel like I could do anything including make my way to Oprah’s couch and the New York Time’s Best-Seller List if I was working with you.

2. Kirie for the kind of email every writer should get after a rejection. Really, I wish every writer could have a friend who is one half incredible cheerleader( the kind of cheerleader who takes it really seriously and goes to summer camp for cheer and wins competitions and could turn around any game with her cheering) and one half fierce protector and defender of you when you are too weak to defend yourself.

3. He-weasel for making me a pan of Hershey’s extra chocolate brownies. They are particularly medicinal when eaten directly hot out of the pan with vanilla ice cream on top.

4. Carolyn See for the kick in the ass email in which she said:”When an agent or magazine or book publisher or reviewer rejects you, you IMMEDIATELY take out your best stationery and write them a nice thank you note. Nine lines, three paragraphs, no insults, say you’ll try them again for as long as you live, and you plan to live a long time. Take it to the mail box IMMEDIATELY drop it in, walk home and pour yourself a drink. YOU WILL FEEL BETTER IMMEDIATELY.” Thank you letters, according to Carolyn, “are like Vicodin.” She is right. As soon as I wrote the thank you letter on my gorgeous La Belette Rouge stationary and mailed it and had a large Scotch I felt much better.

5. Christopher Orcutt for his generous email in which he helped me see that everything I have been told in books about submitting to agents is wrong. Thanks to Chris when I am ready to send out again I will not write a well researched and personalized letter for each agent but a one size fits all letter that I will send to all agents. Instead of sending out one proposal at a time as agents self-servingly recommend, I will send to 10-15 agents at a time so as to up my odds.

Also, Chris gave me my new mantra: “Don’t worry about getting an agent. Don’t worry about getting published. You are a writer. You WILL be published. Just make sure you’ll be READ.” That mantra kicks “Om’s” ass.

6. Thanks to Chris I signed up for Publishers Marketplace.com. This small action made me feel more like a professional writer instead of a total failure who would never-ever-ever write again. For $20 a month to have the hope that I might be discovered without a query is so worth it and it is tax deductable business expense should I ever make any money as a writer.

7. Make do style for being a fierce friend who believes in me and is not afraid to say naughty words to get me back on track. Between Wendy B and Make do I am emboldened to try fiction. I have long been afraid of fiction and I officially gave fiction up over 10 years ago. In just one weekend these two fashion powerhouses made me think I might be able to manage it.

8. Anna Lefler for everything, especially for the Undercover Brother suggestion. I would have never rented it without you. I learned a lot from Anna, not the least being that laughter and massage and time will make all things better.

9. Lily for all the licks. Licks are less drying and more moisturizing than Kleenex.

Thank you so much for all you did to get me out of the squirrel pajamas, away from Bravo realty TV, and back to writing. I cannot thank you enough except to say thank you.

*Cap’n Crunch is a crap cereal filled with high-fructose corn syrup and artificial flavors.

Pre-weekend update

1. Lunch with Anna: Yes, you who were envious of my luncheon with Anna were right to be so. We lunched at the very chic Luxe Hotel Sunset Boulevard in Bel Air in the On Sunset Restaurant and talked and laughed and talked until all of the other smart, chic and well heeled diners were gone and it was just the two of us and a staff of waiters who were happy to finally see us go.

I called He-weasel on the way home and told him that I am officially happy to live in L.A. This happiness has been building thanks to all my L.A. blogger friends and Igor. I feel so lucky to have such a lovely local community of friends here that I don’t think I want to move. Jeeze, I cannot believe I have come to not just acceptance but happiness. Now hear me, I still hate the weather, the traffic, the architecture and the narcissism that is prevalent in the land of LA.

2. Hair: I know I promised to tell you about how the keratin treatment went and I haven’t. This, my friends, was the best $300 I have ever spent. The keratin treatment turned my hair into soft, smooth and easy to manage hair. My hair that required hours and hours to turn into non-troll hair now can be blow dried with no products or round brushes and looks like normal human hair in less than 15 minutes. The first time this treatment is done it should last for three months and slowly wash out until the hair returns to its original troll like condition. After the second treatment the results should last 6-9 months. I cannot recommend this treatment enough to you with difficult, wacky, wavy, or coarse hair.

3. Igor update: No, I did not tell him. I didn’t tell him I have a blog or that I blog or about you at all. You remain my secret. I instead told him that I am really tired and how I am napping and that the napping is not helping and that I am still tired. I told him that I am furious at my mother and the mind blowing antics that have put me into a mood of fiery fury. I told him about my half-brother, Michael, who ever since watching “Emergency” as a small boy wanted to be a paramedic and how for years and years he failed the test and how my mother told him to give up and that he would never pass it and how he should for once and for all give it up.

December 15, 1996 he finally passed the test and got a job as a paramedic. Ten days later as a reward for his achievement he got himself the dog he had always wanted and had forbidden him because of severe allergies and asthma. Five days later and one day before his 35th birthday Mike had a severe asthma attack that was brought on by the dog he so loved. The asthma attack did not respond to medications and so he took more and more medication until he had a heart attack and died. He died alone and no doubt suffered a lot. Igor thought the timing of my thoughts about Mike might be related to my proposal being complete.

4. Lily update: Today she is going to the groomer for the first time. I promise there will be pictures of my darling dog-aughter after her beauty treatment with Mr. Louis( that is what he calls himself).

And, the big news is that Lily has a local boyfriend( as her Internet boyfriend Henry the Dog is too far away to sniff and is taking a blog break). Her platonic pal’s name is Charlie and he is mix of Bijon Frise and King Charles Cavalier. He-weasel and I are fine with her dating a non AKC breed dog, we are open minded like that.

5. He-weasel and me-weasel recent conversation:
He-weasel: “That gal was literally a nutter.”
Me-weasel in an exasperated tone: “What, was she a cashew?”

He-weasel knows that it drives me cookaloo when he says literally when he means figuratively. It turns me into a Costco-sized bag of nuts, figuratively speaking.

6. Book: No news. As it is Platitude Friday I am going with the old chestnut “no news is good news”. I really hope that is the case.

Oui et oui/si y si /yes and yes

I am feeling very affirmative today even though I haven’t heard anything about my proposal yet. The reason I am a yes-weasel today is because lovely Sarah Von of Yes and Yes asked me to write a guest post while she is off in Peru for three months and I said “yes, si and oui.”

I once had considered a trip to Peru long ago in an anthropological moment of my life and I perused the Inca-itinerary and I saw at the bottom of the brochure a warning about what happens if you get a snake bite and how they will get you to a hospital if they could. Huh? Adios, Machu Pichu. Anyway, I am much more Paris than Peru as you will see on my post Peru/Paris on Sarah’s blog.

If all this talk about Peru has you longing for some llama time be sure to follow follow Sarah’s blog. She is going to be updating regularly while in Peru. But, if like me you are dreaming of Paris you might want to follow the links below that will give you a bit of a Paris fix or inspire you to buy a ticket. $500 round trip to Paris!!!!

1. The Secrets of well-dressed women: When it comes to dressing well, the French know best.
2. Paris designer’s snub recession
3. Traveling in Paris with your pooch or why I am getting Lily a passport.
4. One way flight from Los Angeles to Paris for only $250!!!!! Who wants to go to Paris with me?

I’ll be back tomorrow with regularly scheduled programing but today I am off for insights with Igor, loving with Lily, hijinks with He-weasel, and a ladies who lunch luncheon with the fabulous Anna Lefler.See you tomorrow!!

Painting comes from here. I really love it. The web site of the artist, Sarah Ashley Longshore ( no relation to the Sarah of Yes and Yes), who did it is here.

About Me

My name is Tracey, aka La Belette Rouge. I am a psychotherapist and the author of Freudian Sip @ Psychology Today. I blog about psychology, my therapy, dreams, writing, meaning making, home, longing, loss, infertility and other things that delight or inspire me. I try to make deep and elusive psychodynamic concepts accessible and funny. For more information, click here .
These blog posts are informational only and not meant to replace individual psychotherapy, counseling or medical advice. If you are in need of help, reaching out to a professional may help you decide how to proceed or how to find the care you need. For a referral, contact

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