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Tag Archive for ‘Blog’

Belette and nothingness by Jean Paul Sartre (not really)

Lately I am thinking a lot about the existentialist philosopher, Jean Paul Sartre and it isn’t because I am in the midst of an existential crisis or because I am having paranoid delusions that lobsters are chasing me*, rather it is because I am no longer anonymous. My real name is out there and my anonymity is a two-day-old memory.

Having a nom de plume gave me a great amount of freedom to be very open and honest without any concern of consequences. But now that my real name (the one on my drivers license) and my photograph is out there, I am feeling some amount of nausea and dread that comes from from the fear of the gaze of the other and how that gaze will impact my sense of self and my work, my writing and my relationships. Continue reading ‘Belette and nothingness by Jean Paul Sartre (not really)’

Happy Birthday, Lily! ( and there are treats for you)

Today Lily is two years old. Instead of blogging, Lily has asked me to put down my MacBook and go for walks and play with Mr. Monkey and feed her treats as part of her b.day celebration. She also asked me to share this video filled with cute Lily photos. Hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Speaking of treats, while I am off celebrating Lily, I thought you might enjoy the following (I know I have): Continue reading ‘Happy Birthday, Lily! ( and there are treats for you)’

Today I only have the strength to post two things and to ask for a favor

Two things:

1. The photo-shoot was fun, hard, scary, nerve wracking and exhausting. And it all turned out well. Forest and Bluff has my photo and now there is nothing for me to do but wait for the magazine to come out.  Did I mention how exhausting it was? Truly. I am not sure why,but it was completely exhausting. Now I get why the Supermodels make the big bucks. I haven’t been this tired since my summer of mono and/or the time I went on a weekend camping trip with the Brownies ( I came home and fell asleep in the bath tub). Continue reading ‘Today I only have the strength to post two things and to ask for a favor’

753 words on why my frown has turned upside down

  • My Kate Spade shoes are waiting for me in the concierge’s office. I can’t take a picture of them because they are locked up in the prison of the package room. In they sit with books from Amazon.com, printer cartridges from Office-depot.com and contact lenses from lenscrafters.com. My beautiful shoes sit in darkness with objects less lovely than they, and silently they wait for me to come and claim them; fret not for soon my shoes and I will be reunited.
  • Today is my first day on Weight Watchers. This doesn’t sound like a reason to be happy—but it is. It is because I made a choice to do something that is good for me and because I am no longer just hoping that I magically lose the 25 pounds that torment me.
  • It is the 5th day of my new fitness regime. I recently I read how Beyonce runs on her treadmill towards a picture of an Oscar. My fantasy that motivates me is that I am prepping for my book tour. Perhaps I can cut out a picture of a book signing and hang it in front of me as I move in unnatural elliptical motions toward my goals. Yes, this in fact may be a delusion but I am okay with that.  A delusion that gets me thinner, fitter and healthier can’t be a bad one. Can it?
  • I have over 120 comments on my last post. I’m not bragging—I am just saying that it makes me very happy to hear how blogging has impacted you. And, I have to say, that hearing the really nice things you had to say about how I have impacted you made me feel really good—REALLY good ( crying with happiness good).
  • Gazebo News wrote about me. Okay, this is me bragging. But it is also me saying that I impacted home with my post. They know that I miss them. They know about my cat’s photo in Walgreen’s. Perhaps because of my post, perhaps the people who live in Lake Bluff will feel a little luckier for living where they do.
  • Growing up Jung: Coming of Age as the Son of Two Shrinks” is lying on my bedside table. It is waiting to be read. It knows that I am becoming more and more Post-Freudian. It is hoping that it can lure me away from Klein and Bion. We won’t tell it that I am in the Psychoanalytic Training Program. We won’t let it know that I am just reading it because I am reading every memoir I can find about being in therapy. We won’t discuss the fact that I am anthropomorphizing a book and that I am projecting my feelings about leaving Jung onto a memoir. We will instead discuss how I bought the book not because it is about Jungian analysts, I bought the book because I am buying every memoir I can find about being in therapy. It is, as you know, my topic.
  • Igor was VERY excited about our decision to move back to Forest and Bluff. He said that the trip to Chicago changed me. He said that he could feel the difference in me as soon as I walked into his office. He said that in the past I believed that we chose Lake Bluff for the child we were going to have. Igor says that now I am able to claim it for myself, all the things that I wanted Lake Bluff to give my imaginary child are in fact things that I wanted for myself. He says that now that I can say this, now I can go home again. It turns out I didn’t need two sessions. I only needed one. And I didn’t cry.
  • I hate L.A. less now that I know we are going to leave here in nine months or so. I might even be able to write another “365 things that don’t suck about L.A.” I might even manage to complete that list before I go. If I do I want an award for that. I want a prize, a statue or a plaque acknowledging my heroic efforts.
  • “Dancing with the Stars” starts tonight. Can one have TV cheese when on Weight Watchers? Just how many points is in TV cheese, anyways?
  • This is how Lily looked as she watched the O.S.U. game on Saturday. Go on, look at Lily in her Ochocinco OSU jersey and try not to smile. Oh, and, for you football fans, Lily’s team won.  Go Beavers!
  • Write a blog, change your life

    Blogging has changed my life. It is right up there with getting married, going to college and starting therapy in terms of its profound life changing impact. Blogging has changed things about my character that I thought were unchangeable, permanent and irretractably set in stone. For a long time I have been ruminating on writing a blog post called “write a blog, change your life” and that is because I am constantly amazed how blogging has changed my life and changed me. The reason that I haven’t written this post before is that the longer I blog the more ways I experience the varied and surprising ways that blogging has changed my life and changed me and that the full impact of its effects can’t be known until I am done blogging and I am nowhere near done blogging. So that is why I am calling today Part I of what will clearly be a multi-episode series. For today I have decided to to document the four ways that blogging has changed my character.

    Character Change Number One: Discipline

    Three years ago no one was calling me disciplined. No one. Not even the people in my life who feel obligated to lie to me in order to buoy my spirits—the people who would tell me I was beautiful when I had a huge zit on my forehead and who would tell me I was smart when I had just made a really stupid mistake—and certainly not Kelly Valen who is the author of the soon to be released and must be read book,  Twisted Sisterhood. I don’t mean to name drop here. I know it is unseemly. However I have to tell you what a BIG deal it was for me to wake one morning to see that Kelly, a person I don’t really know and who has no reason to say things to me that she doesn’t  truly mean,  had left a comment on my Facebook page in which she described me as “Disciplined and prolific”. Her kind compliment about my character as a writer motivated me to plug my lapbook into my printer and print her compliment about my character and once it was printed I then took a hard look at myself in the metaphorical mirror and I saw that I was  no longer the undisciplined flibbertigibbet that I used to be.  Okay, to be kind, that isn’t entirely true. I would and could and did get things done if an authority figure (teacher or boss) gave me a deadline but if I didn’t have an external deadline there was little chance I would get any writing done. Thanks to regular blogging I have developed discipline and that is a miracle. If only I could translate that discipline to my fitness regime.

    Character Changer Number Two: Prolific

    As I said above, I was lazy and undisciplined and that led to an embarrassingly low volume of creative output. In the course of a year I felt like I has really achieved something if I had managed to write a few short stories and an essay or two. However, thanks to the blog I have written over 700 posts (not all of them published) and most of those are on the long-winded side (thank you patient readers), two book proposals, essays and a short and shockingly bad stab at a novel. I am in fact a prolific writer.  I don’t know how it happened or when it happened other than I started the blog and I stuck with it.

    Character Change Number Three: Brave and/ or courageous

    Before I started blogging I was a scaredy cat. I let fear stop me from taking all manner of risks. And truth be told I still have a good amount of fear. That said, if I had to tell you the characteristic mirrored most from those who read my blog is that I am brave and/ or courageous to write about what I do on my blog. Whenever I get this compliment (and o do get it a lot) I am always baffled by it. I really don’t get what is so brave about what I write. When people tell me I am brave I often say internally, “or I am stupid” as I just don’t get what I am doing that is so brave or courageous. However I have gotten this compliment at least 100 times so it must be true. I am here by owning that I am brave and courageous. I also own that I have no idea why I am.

    Characteristic Change Number Four: Trust

    I have trust issues that go waaaaay back.  I had a therapist many years ago that told me that my issues go back to Trust vs. Mistrust. I so mistrusted her analysis that I got up out of my chair mid-session and left and never came back. So, yeah, I had some trust issues. But somehow blogging and having such wonderful readers has helped me with this core issue.  I trust you even though I may have never met you in 3-D. I have shared some things with you that I wouldn’t share with my own family and friends. In sharing the really hard stuff with you I have had some big healing.  One of the most healing days in my life, I credit to the blog and to my LOVELY readers, and it was in response to my post Cassandra Complex. Reading your comments was more healing for me than all my time in Al-anon and work with many therapists. Truly, I will never forget that day and reading those comments—it was a life changing experience. I will never be the person I was before that post and for that I thank you all.

    Because of my trust issues I generally viewed the world as hostile and dangerous. This is no longer true.  Now I tend to view the world, or at least the bloggy world, or more specifically the bloggy world that I am a part of as a very supportive, loving and encouraging place. I have made some true and life long friends through this blog. I have made the kind of friends that if I was ever in crisis, and Igor had left the country, I could turn to. I know if God forbid something happened to He-weasel or Lily that I could come to the blog and tell you what happened and I would get real, immediate and meaningful support. I know I could count on getting phone calls from bloggy friends around the world and that there are some of you I could even count on you to show up with a casserole and comfort even in the darkest and scariest nights of the soul and that is really saying something. You, my friends, have changed my belief that I am alone in the world—save my little circle of support—and for that I am eternally grateful. Just yesterday I got a handful of calls to check and see how yesterday went with Igor. Have I mentioned yet how much I love you all?

    Well I do, even if this is your first time here. I love you for reading this far and giving a hoot what it is I might have to say. I have received so many unsolicited acts of kindness from my blogger friends that it truly helped change my sense of the world. Just today I was named the Blogger of Note (BON) over at Words of Wisdom thanks my dear bloggy friend Privilege who nominated me for this honour.  Thank you, Privilege! Thanks, Words of Wisdom! And thanks to all of you who are here from Words of Wisdom. If this is the first time, for your benefit and , perhaps, reading pleasure, I am linking to three of my favorite( and perhaps life changing) posts as is part of the protocol of being a “Blogger of Note”.

    Cassandra Complex

    16 Things You Don’t Say  To Someone Childless Not By Choice

    My Lot in Life

    *************

    I would love to hear how blogging has changed your life.  Come on, be brave and courageous and tell me your secrets. You can trust me and feel free to be prolific.

    There are days when a list is the best I can do

    1. I am so happy that my fear wasn’t valid and that the affirmation that I used for the last five days was true: “And all shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.” See, I was terrified that all would not be well. I was sure that all was going to be really unwell.  So I repeated the 14th century Christian mystic’s mantra  …”And all shall be well.” As I am an agnostic and don’t really indulge in prayer, Julian of Norwich’s mantra is as close as I get. I find Julie’s words to be strangely comforting. And Jules was right. It turns out that all is indeed well.

    2. These blogs must be read, if I was a publisher I would publish their books. If I was Oprah I would make them my blog of the month and I would give them a new car or all of my favorite things in order to thank them for how much I enjoy their work.

    Up and down town If you aren’t reading her blog, you must.  Go on. What are you still doing here? Go there now. Thank me later.
    The Storialist Same as above. If you aren’t reading it, start now. Seriously. Why are you here? Go! Okay, you can stay until you have gotten through this post.

    3. Laura Munson, my pal, and the author of This is Not the Story You Think it Is, is now a regular at the Huffington Post. Congrats to Laura!

    4. Speaking of pals, I have recently taken to calling strangers “Tiger” and “Pally”. I don’t do it to their face. But when I think of them they no longer get the generic “Lady” or “Sir”. They are now, in my mind, “Tiger” and “Pally”.

    5. I don’t usually enjoy day spas. All the nakedness and enforced relaxation can make me feel a little nervous and neurotic. But I am doing a spa day on Sunday. The thing I was worried about in #1 has had me seriously stressed. I am doing an 80-minute massage and a fango mud bath. I am trying to tell myself that this will be relaxing and that I won’t spend the session worrying that perhaps I missed a patch of leg hair when shaving or that I will fall asleep and a snore will sneak out.

    5. For years I have heard that Clarins Beauty-Flash Balmis amazing. It’s true. Buy some. I put some on my face this morning and a few minutes later you wouldn’t have known that the only water I have had this last week was hidden in my super strong French Roast Coffee and that I haven’t slept more than a few hours in the last couple of days. I actually looked like a human,thanks to Clarins. This is as close to a miracle in a jar that is available without a prescription.

    6. I am doing research on the Depth Psychological reason that animal prints are so consistently popular. In my research I found a book,  Dream Animals by my boyfriend, James Hillman, in which he writes about animal symbols. I can’t wait for it to get here. I am hoping that my Hilly can help me figure out the whole leopard print thing.

    7. I get to see Igor tomorrow. I like Thursdays. I have nothing to complain about. Instead I am going to talk about how happy I am that I have nothing to worry about.

    8. I guess I could tell Igor that when I watched “Bethenny’s getting married?” that I cried and that her baby happiness got to me. But then I would have to admit to watching “Bethenny’s getting married?”

    9. I have decided to start doing some Dream Coaching. More details to come soon.    ( If you at all interested in the idea please let me know).

    10. I went into Old Navy to return three tops in three colours. The savvy sales gal asked if there were anything wrong with them. I answered, “I think they fit kind of weird.” She answered back, “I think that you are a black lover and that these shirts were outside your box.” I answered back, “I think you’re right.”

    11. My new JCrew cardigan that is making me want Fall to arrive immediately (actually I felt that way before. It is 98 degrees right now. I have had enough of this). And it’s on sale for $79.99 on the Jcrew website. I got mine in the store for under $50. Isn’t it purty?

    12. I can’t wait to see “Inception”. I am not a huge Leo fan. Actually I have never enjoyed a single film in which he has starred. I am going to get popcorn and Junior Mints to enjoy during the film just in case I don’t enjoy Leo.

    13. He-weasel and I  seem to have a summer tradition of watching British Mysteries. Last summer was Foyle’s war. This summer it is a marathon of Midsomer Mysteries.  What I love about this series: There is a Terrier, a Range Rover, a horse, and a tractor in each episode and these are all things I want or have. Actually I only have the Terrier. But I do want a Range Rover, a horse and a tractor. I also wouldn’t mind having an ivy covered house in Midsomer—a British accent would also be swell as would a father like Inspector Barnaby.

    About Me

    My name is Tracey, aka La Belette Rouge. I am a psychotherapist and the author of Freudian Sip @ Psychology Today. I blog about psychology, my therapy, dreams, writing, meaning making, home, longing, loss, infertility and other things that delight or inspire me. I try to make deep and elusive psychodynamic concepts accessible and funny. For more information, click here .
    These blog posts are informational only and not meant to replace individual psychotherapy, counseling or medical advice. If you are in need of help, reaching out to a professional may help you decide how to proceed or how to find the care you need. For a referral, contact

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