The last time I was here—on this blog— I was filled with plans, anxieties, and excitements about my upcoming trip to Boston. Now it is summer and Boston, my birthday and the Harvard Writing Conference feels like a long ago memory. And with all that has happened in the last four months, March feels like a lifetime ago*. If I try to include all that has happened in the last months in this single post it is likely to be the longest blog post in recorded history. So, in the name of brevity, I have decided to give you the bullet point list of what has happened in the last four months and just move on from there.
- I went to the Harvard CME Writing Conference.
- I pitched my book to everyone there.
- Everyone I pitched to was interested in the book.
- I went into shock and was pretty convinced that they were just being nice to me.
- Came back home, was still in shock.
- Was contacted by the biggest-big-wig agent at the conference.
- He asked for 10 pages of my book.
- As I didn’t have ten-pages, I said sure.
- I wrote ten pages.
- He read it. He liked it. He asked for a proposal.
- I had a proposal.
- I sent it to him.
- He told me what I had to do to make the proposal better.
- I did what he said.
- He told me that I “hit it out of the park” with my proposal.
- He, last week, sent my proposal to publishers.
- And now I wait.
And, dear reader, that is what I have been doing since I have last seen you. Sorry I didn’t take the time to visit here, I was, however, as you can see, a bit on the busy side. And it wasn’t just busy writing and being in shock and celebrating, I was busy reconstructing my sense of the world and the way things work. You see, my point of view after failing to conceive was a bit jaded. I had created rules about how life worked for me( and just for me). In the world according to Tracey, I thought that things went like this: I try really hard. No, that isn’t it. I go to heroic/Herculean measures to make something happen and then I do even more. And then it leads to nothing. And then I try some more and it still doesn’t work. So, this has all been a bit of a shock. It turns out it doesn’t have to be super hard. It turns out that sometimes things happen pretty easily and, I wanted to say effortlessly but that isn’t exactly right. I certainly made an effort to make this happen. It wasn’t like I sat around and waited for the publishing fairy to make this happen. I did make a whole lot of effort and I took a whole lot of risks. However, unlike with the infertility, these efforts and risks were rewarded. And, so far it has been relatively easy. It feels sort of weird and disorienting for things to come so easily. It turns out that I was wrong and that this wasn’t my fate ( to try and try and not to achieve what I most wanted). In this case I really like being wrong—I love it. Being wrong, it turns out, is awesome.
* Thank you, Maria! You inspired me to write this post.