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Stuff I miss

1. My grandmother

Today I want to go to her house and play Gin Rummy with her. I want to eat her potato salad and sit on her furniture. I want to smell her smells and hear her stories.

2. James Hillman

There are days that I wake and I realize that James Hillman is really dead and that I will never hear him speak again. I go to Youtube and try and find a clip that captures who he was to me and I can never find it and it only makes me feel worse. I re-read his books and remember his lectures and doing all of this only makes his absence more intense.

3. Apricots

I never see apricots anymore. Did I miss the breaking news, are apricots extinct?

4.  Blogging daily

I miss being able to write everyday. And I miss being able to read everyday. I like my life the way it is but sometimes I miss my life the way it was.

5. Summers off

Summers used to be the times when I read and read and read. I want a summer of reading. I want it to be the kind of summer that feels like it lasts forever and I want each day to be filled with a book that opens up a new world in me.

6. The promise of some future self that would completely surprise me

I know who I am. I know, pretty much, what I’ll do and where I’ll go. I miss that feeling that today I might turn a corner and meet someone who could change my entire life forever. I know its still possible; only today it feels less likely.

7. Having a body that wasn’t so impacted by stress, sleeplessness or diet

I want to have a body that doesn’t punish me for neglecting it. And I don’t want to have to take medicine or Advil or go to doctors or give up gluten.

8. Having hair that I could let dry in the sun and that didn’t require many products to make it look good.

9. Grad school

I miss lectures, reading, and writing papers and learning new things. I miss that feeling of potential that one has when one is in school. I have patients who are in grad school and I see them wanting to rush through the process and I constantly finding myself wanting to tell them how lucky they are to be just where they are.

10. Wanting

Before I could afford stuff I used to think that getting stuff would make me happy. The sad truth is that stuff can’t make you happy. I sort of miss believing that. It was nice to believe that if only I could have those Kate Spade shoes I would be happy.  I do miss that.

What do you miss? Come on, tell me….You know there’s something you miss. Please share!

25 Responses to “Stuff I miss”

  • I miss going to the pub for a pint of Guinness with my Dad and his dog. Both died in 2001. I miss the times I could fit into smaller clothes. I am on a career break and miss going for a drink or meal after work with the girls. I miss my friends who live abroad. I miss going shopping with my mother. She is getting older and unable to spend much time on her feet.

    I can identify with 4,6 and 10 in your list. I too like my life the way it is but sometimes miss it the way it was.

  • I miss my father, so much…
    I miss my sweetheart…
    I miss being able to travel whenever I feel like it…
    I miss writing…
    I miss reading you, dear Tracey…

    I can go on, but I would make this one too long… Lots of love to you! :)

  • Funny, I was missing my grandma recently too…

    I miss my innocence. I miss the feeling of unending optimism that I had before I had cancer. While I would still see myself as an optimist and a happy person… I still feel like I lost this really upbeat feeling.

    I miss riding my bike everywhere.

    I miss getting to read a lot.

    I miss the days when I wasn’t ruled by work.

  • “I like my life the way it is but sometimes I miss my life the way it was.” Exactly!

    I miss my mother
    I miss working
    I miss the friends I had and from which I have grown apart
    I miss spontaneity
    I miss having real vacations (as in: RELAXING)
    I miss hopping on a plane every 3 months. I miss wanting to hope on a plane every 3 months.
    I miss feeling that anything was possible if one just wanted it enough

    But, fortunately, there are many more things I do not miss and that I appreciate and love about my life as it is now :D

  • I miss my Mum.
    I miss being in love.
    I miss being able to drink red wine without suffering the next day.
    I miss sex, oh god I miss sex.


    • I can still drink red wine. It’s anything else I can’t drink. I can’t imagine having red wine turn on me too. I feel your pain. And I’m sorry about your Mum, that is a tough one.

  • I miss my kids being little though I’m so glad they’re grown.

    I miss living near my older daughter.

    I miss that youthful metabolism that let me work or write round the clock for days on end.

    I also miss my grandmother, and my Uncle Bill.

    Oh, but apricots are not extinct. They’ve been out of season until recently, but you should be able to find them at your local farmers’ market now.

  • Ha, I’m #9 on your list–and yes, I want grad school to go by quickly ;)

    I miss the rough-n-tumble weekends of being in a long-distance relationship. The anticipation of arriving on a Friday morning and the sweet agony of parting on Sunday evening.

    I miss getting lost in a good video game adventure like Tomb Raider. These days, even if I set aside the time to play, I can’t sink myself into the fantasy like I used to.

    I miss reading fiction. Luckily, I have the summer off from school so I’m going to read, read and read. I’ll read one for you too :)

    • Don’t wish it away. You will miss it when you’re out. You will. Trust me!!!

      What’s fiction?;-) Once I went to grad school I lost the ability to even consider fiction. I may never get it back. But I don’t miss it. Weird, huh?

  • I miss gin rummy with my grandmother too. How I wish I could almost give back the teenage years when I don’t think I appreciated her as much and would love to have had her into my 30s when I’d be head over heels in love with her!

    • I wish that you, me and our grandmother’s could get together for another hand of rummy. That would be lovely.
      I know what you mean, I lost mine when I was in my 20′s and I was so busy doing unimportant stuff that I didn’t spend enough time with her. I so wish I could have her in my life now.

  • I miss the following:

    The confidence I used to feel at work
    The colors of the leaves changing in autumn
    Watching The West Wing
    Mellowed highlighter by MAC
    Being in St. Louis for family gatherings
    The fearlessness I felt when I was 18 and dyed my hair red

    • You made me want to watch the West Wing.
      p.s. You will get that confidence back. I don’t know if fearlessness is something you will. Fear ain’t all a bad thing; it is an evolutionary survival impulse that we need.

  • When my grandma passed away, I was able to keep lots of her things, but one thing that’s special to me is her old powder compact….with some powder still in it. I sniff it and instantly I’m transported back to snuggling her on her old leather sofa.

    What do I miss…I miss feeling special.

  • Oh, I miss my Grandma (& Grandpa) too. Both of them had early May birthdays — Grandpa would have been 100 & Grandma 98 — so they have been much on my mind lately.

    I too would love to have a summer off. I read a novel about 10-15 years ago by the former Chicago Tribune columnist Bob Greene called “All Summer Long” which had that as the plotline — three high school buddies (men) meet up at their 25th class reunion & decide to take the summer off for a long road trip together. Not very realistic, but wouldn’t it be nice??

    • I know a lot of therapists who take August off. I haven’t managed to take that much time off. It sounds nice. An entire summer off? It sounds like the kind of thing that only happens if you are in a book or if you’ve won the lottery.;-)

  • I too,miss my grandmother so much every day,even though she passed away over 23 years ago.I miss my son,who just moved to California 2 weeks ago.I miss being able to eat whatever I wanted to,and not gain a pound.I miss my dog,Abby,who died a year ago.I miss my mother,who hasn’t spoken to me in 17 years,because she thinks I don’t go to the “right church”.But most of all,I miss the “me”I used to be…..

  • Hi LBR,

    Gosh it’s been a REAL long while.. but I’m back to blogging now so I wanted to stop over and catch up with you….

    I’m really sorry for your losses.. I know it has a truly deep impact on our ‘self’ and who we are.. When my mom passed 6 years ago, I went numb and since then… my spirit has changed.. On a positive note, though… I’m a pretty positive person.. so I’m okay but still a part of me is missing and there is a definite void…
    I miss my mom, family and friends who are no longer with us… I have suffered a great loss over the past year of several close friends..

    I realllly miss– the friendships of people who were once VERY special to me but by their on choice, (not mine) chose to exit my life for different reasons.. This has also created a void for me and a sadness that they are no longer a part of my life…

    On a different note.. and ALL of you from Cali will appreciate this one..

    Okay, it’s really great living here in France, I won’t complain.. but having winter is not my thing and I’m a native Cali girl who FREEZES and gets deathly ill with asthma in the cold weather here…
    Take NOTHING for granted when it comes to wonderful So. Cal weather folks…. Having the sun shining and beaming down on us is soooo good for the moral and the spirit…

    LBR– I can relate to many things on your list… The things I miss most, outside of people and things that hit below the surface…
    ARE DEFINITELY the free-flowing, easy-going … relaxed and ZEN spirited, FRIENDLY Calfornia lifestyle.. It’s one thing you never realize until it’s no longer part of your life… French culture is very different … has it’s own charm but I was thinking just yesterday…. CALIFORNIANS are just soooo cool…. I miss that and ANY KIND of food I can’t get here at the same taste level.. Hugs to you … (Sorry this is soooo long)…
    Leesa in France…

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About Me

My name is Tracey, aka La Belette Rouge. I am a psychotherapist and the author of Freudian Sip @ Psychology Today. I blog about psychology, my therapy, dreams, writing, meaning making, home, longing, loss, infertility and other things that delight or inspire me. I try to make deep and elusive psychodynamic concepts accessible and funny. For more information, click here .
These blog posts are informational only and not meant to replace individual psychotherapy, counseling or medical advice. If you are in need of help, reaching out to a professional may help you decide how to proceed or how to find the care you need. For a referral, contact

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