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Change in status

No, I’m still middle class, middle aged, middle of the road when it comes to politics, and still frequently have a have a middle part in my hair. It’s just that my Facebook status has changed. For the last eight months my status has read “separated” and for years before that I was, I thought, permanently “married” to my status. I remember the moment that I had the nerve to change my Facebook status from married to separated. It was a big moment. Big. I remember the condolences, concerns and comments I got in response to my status change back in March. I remember them as if they were yesterday—only it was a whole lot of yesterdays ago.  And all those yesterdays ago I never imagined that nine months later I would find myself where I am today.

When I look back at all that my life was when I was in separated status I am a bit gobsmacked. I have to say that in my separated status I really kicked butt and took names; seriously, I was on fire. I got a great job. I moved out. I lived on my own. I installed my DVD player to my television( some achievements are bigger than others). I paid my bills. I got the oil changed. I survived having my car hit. I dated. I went on I went on some HORRIBLE dates( dates so bad that I would cut off my arm to be free of them). I survived those dates. I went to Chicago and discovered that I have absolutely no interest in moving back there. I did a whole lot of growing and changing and learning just how strong I am and just how much I am capable of.  And I learned that I am really proud of myself. I like the separated me, I really do.

So, as you know, I have been seeing this guy. And I felt pretty sure that me and my guy had moved from simply dating  into “in a relationship”. Let me list some of the indicators, which include the following: He’s met my mother; We’ve named exclusivity; I am cooking for him; We are seeing each other almost everyday/night. This didn’t feel like dating. However it has been a long time since I’ve dated and maybe this is what dating looks like in 2011. Nah, this is not dating. This is something else. This is a relationship. Right?

Well, as of 8 p.m. last night I changed my status. I am no longer “separated”. My status on Facebook is now”in a relationship.” It, my friends, was also a very big moment. BIG.  It’s not just big to be in a relationship, it is big to name it and claim it and have it be so true that I would be willing to edit my personal settings for it.

As soon as I updated my status I started to panic( just a little bit). Was I assuming something? We hadn’t said the “R” word and maybe he didn’t think we were in a “R”.  What if he didn’t and I changed it and he didn’t?

So, I texted him. I said: “Um, how do you feel about my new relationship status on FB?”

He said( and I paraphrase in order to protect his privacy): “What do you think I think? I think it’s great.:-)

I said: “Are you saying that you are happy that we are in a relationship?”

He said:  ”You are hillarious” and then he told me how happy he is and then he listed all these things about me and us that he likes ( I’m not telling you all those things. I want to keep those for myself) .

Well, it seems that we, my guy and I, are in a “R” and that he likes being in it and that he is happy that we are in a “R”. I know that I am happy to be in a “R” with him. I’m really happy.

I don’t know what the next nine-months will bring. In truth I hope that they don’t bring as much change as the last nine did. I hope that the next nine months involve lots of hanging out, hand holding, kissing, and going to dinner  and movies and going shopping together and a trip or two.  Maybe in the next nine months my practice will grow a little. Perhaps I will move to a new place with a bigger kitchen. And maybe other unexpected changes will surprise, delight and even, less desirably, annoy me.  And I suppose that is one of the wonders of this moment, it is extraordinary how very little I want. I just want to be in my life  right now and enjoy the now for the wonderful moment that it is. The now is pretty amazing. In my new “in relationship” status I have no lists of goals or actions to take or future that I am planning for, okay that is not entirely true.  I do have a list I made this morning, let me share it with you.

Angel hair pasta




Olive oil

Paper towels

These are the things I need to make my guy dinner tomorrow night. Other than that I don’t need anything…and the status of being desire free feels especially good.

9 Responses to “Change in status”

  • Desire free is a wonderful state in which to be, if only for the few moments that it lasts. Enjoy it, Angela. I’m not here trying to jinx you, I’m just reckoning that as relationships deepen so too do our desires. They can be better.
    We need our desires. Without them we stagnate. I suspect it’s unfulfilled or unmet desires you describe at the end of this post and it’s certainly good to be free of them.

  • But…….what about Lily?!

  • Aahh…..

    I’m so happy you’ve found a nice place to be and a nice person to be with. Enjoy.

  • hostess of the humble bungalow

    Sounds really fabulous.
    I am rooting for you!

  • It all sounds wonderful. I am happy for both of you!

  • I am happy for you, very happy! : )

  • OH my friend… its been a while since I have visited your corner of BlogLand… and I’m catching up on some blog visits and reading. There have been some very “growing” changes in your life!!

    You look gorgeous as always .. but with a definite sparkle in your eye! You go girl!… the red dress accented by the leopard shoes ~ divine! I’m so happy to read you have Lily with you!!! and that there is a wonderful “boy” (even if he is 55) in your life! May this journey in your life be created with smooth roads and allow the next chapter of your life to be the best yet!

    So glad that you are also back to writing!! sending you hugs and blessings from across the miles..xo HHL

  • Absolutely happy for you!


  • I’m glad to know you’re well and happy.

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About Me

My name is Tracey, aka La Belette Rouge. I am a psychotherapist and the author of Freudian Sip @ Psychology Today. I blog about psychology, my therapy, dreams, writing, meaning making, home, longing, loss, infertility and other things that delight or inspire me. I try to make deep and elusive psychodynamic concepts accessible and funny. For more information, click here .
These blog posts are informational only and not meant to replace individual psychotherapy, counseling or medical advice. If you are in need of help, reaching out to a professional may help you decide how to proceed or how to find the care you need. For a referral, contact

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