So you know how I often write detailed accounts of what I told Igor and what he told me in my sessions with him? Well, there is a school of thought that would say that by my doing that I am damaging the work and even impinging my growth. I have kept this idea in the back of my mind as long as I have been writing about my own personal therapy here on the blog and chose to keep it there, that is until now. Cheryl Fuller, on her brilliant blog Jung at Heart, wrote a post about the importance of container for transformation to occur in psychotherapy and it got me thinking and I felt like I needed to think about/write about this issue as a means of coming to understand exactly how I feel about this and to see if perhaps my writing about my own therapy is helping or hurting my work with Igor.
In case you don’t know about the idea of the “the container in therapy” here’s the theory: In Depth psychotherapy the relationship and the room that the work is done is understood as an alchemical vessel, a sealed vessel and as a container. According to this theory the change occurs because, in part, due to the container remaining sealed. The heat, tension and energy that happens within the therapy needs to remain in the container for change to occur. There are many ways that the therapist works to keep the container sealed: a safe room that has a sealed door and doesn’t allow for others to hear what’s going on. The therapist doesn’t take calls during session. And the therapist’s use of confidentiality is another way the container is kept sealed and safe and a place where change can occur.
Cheryl writes, in her thoughtful post, about the client’s responsibility in keeping the container sealed and warns that a hole or crack to the vessel can occur when a patient tells their friends or lovers about what happens in their sessions. She explains what can happen when such a leak can occur, ”When this happens, the vessel of that work develops a crack and some of the energy leaks out, energy that if it stayed in the vessel would be available for the work of the therapy”.
Now here’s the thing that might surprise you, I think Cheryl is right. I do. I believe that there is something lost by telling your friends and loved ones about your therapy. Before I began this blog I didn’t talk about what happened in my therapy. I wouldn’t tell He-weasel or my best friend about what my therapist said, I didn’t want to break the container. But now I regularly, frequently and happily do what some might describe as break the container here on my blog. And the strange thing is that as much as I believe in the importance of the container and I work actively and aggressively to keep it sealed for my patients, I may be rationalizing, but I feel like me writing about my therapy is very different than me just talking about it. I don’t feel like I have lost anything by telling you about my sessions with Igor. If anything, I feel that by writing about it that I am putting more energy into my work. Writing about it makes me ruminate about each element of the session in a way that I never would if I just went to therapy and didn’t think about again until I arrived for my next session.
I have never asked Igor what he thinks about it. Maybe I didn’t want to know what he thinks. Maybe if I ask he will say that he doesn’t think that me blabbing about my therapy is such a good thing (I don’t think he would say that). Perhaps it is some kind of exhibitionistic and pathological impulse (I really don’t think he would say that). I do remember once when I was telling him about a post I wrote he said something about how I was, he thought, through the blog, making psychoanalytic work accessible to people who might never consider it. He certainly has never said anything to indicate that our work is suffering because I write about it. And he did read my proposal for Thursdays with Igor, and he has read my blog and just yesterday I sent him a link to my last post.
I asked He-weasel what he thinks about all of this. He said, “You don’t write anything about therapy until you have processed it and have made meaning of it, and your writing is part of therapy in that through writing you come to greater understanding and then bring that understanding back into therapy.”
He-weasel says that what I am doing is the following (and no, he is not an attorney or a philosopher), and I quote:
“You are the First-party, you are the person who has the issue or the insight.
You tell Igor and he is the Second-party, he is the safe container and creates a safe environment.
Igor gives insight and interpretations to the First-party( you).
Then First-party (you) processes the feedback. At that point new insights are gained that allow first party to translate insights gained from second party and then communicated to third party (the blog).
And then First-party writes to Third-party (the blog).
Third-party will either respond to First-party or not.
The response elicited from Third-party will have an impact on First-party.
First-party will then take the new insights and understanding that was elicited from both writing to Third-party and received from Third-party.”
He-weasel goes onto say, “The difference between you coming from therapy and telling me about what happened in therapy over the phone and you coming from therapy and thinking about it and processing the information from the session into a blog post requires further processing and thought. Where as, if you were just telling me what happened there is no processing or thought required—that is just a displacement of energy. Where as if you are writing about it you are expanding the energy by turning a thought energy into a written word and a further change in your understanding occurs.”
“You are converting a sound( vocalization/words you say in therapy) and you relay it to Igor through your mouth( through spoken words). But after therapy, on your blog you are taking what occurred in therapy and turning it into thought and then converting that experience into symbols( the written word) and you infuse those symbols into an emotion. In turn those who read those words( and who are taking in what you experienced through their eyes( not through their ears) and which they convert into their head into thought which intermingles with their own personal experience and that has an emotional effect( either positive or negative, emotion or thought) and then they in turn will convert that it into either spoken language( maybe they talk about what they read) or they will convert their thought into written words(in comments or what they write about on their your blog) or it ends with them.”
He’s right. I open the vessel that I create out of the therapy (after the therapy) here on the blog, And in doing that I don’t believe that I am breaking the therapeutic container. Imagine, if you will, that Igor and me are making a bowl of soup together. We have this shared bowl of soup ( the therapy) and we each have individual bowls that we leave the session with. When I leave him and my session I am still stirring the soup. And, I know, that between the time Igor and I meet that he too processes our work and be brings new insights and understanding to the next session.
When I write about my therapy I am taking a little bit of the soup that we made together and putting it in another container. Everyone who comments here on the blog has a reaction to the soup (whether they share it or not). That reaction adds to the container. I then take all that you add, via comments, to that original container. The original bowl is not diminished because I get your feedback and with that feedback I bave more to add the soup. No matter what the response, I have more to bring back the original container. If no one responds to what I write I might feel unheard and I might feel bad and I would take that back to Igor. If I get a lot of positive response I also take that back to Igor. If I get negative response I most certainly take that back to Igor. So all responses come back to the original vessel and there is more rather than less.
When I tell you about Igor and my work I am only giving you a piece of it. There is much of it that I can never tell you. What I tell you, even though it is honest and true and my attempt to be candid, is not able to convey all of the experience of my therapy. There is much that happens in my therapy that I am unconscious of. And even if I could bring all that I am conscious and unconscious of I would not be able to bring Igor’s conscious and unconscious. So, my friends, what you read here is a piece of the therapy and not the whole.
Truly, the only way that I believe that I could destroy the vessel with Igor is for me to quit going to therapy. And now that I wrote that I know that even quitting therapy wouldn’t destroy the container that we co-created, nothing can. I didn’t know that before I started writing, now I do—just another example of how blogging expands my self-awareness.
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Note to Cheryl: Thank you, Cheryl. I appreciate your inspiring me to think about what I am doing here and not keep it lurking in the back of my mind, unexamined.
I agree with He-weasel – writing about therapy is a very different process than talking about it. It requires thought and consolidation whereas many emotionally charged conversations are often done stream of conciousness style (at least they are when I’m off-loading) which would be less helpful.
The other thing I would say is that this is another self/co created safe space. I don’t have other online spaces where I comment (i.e. admit to and think about topics) in the way that I do here.
Thank you for another wonderful, insightful and inspiring post. I started blogging as part of speech therapy, but feel that it has actaully helped me by writing about the accident, pre and post accident. I agree it takes thought and processing to get the words out in some way it helps me deal with the event(s) when I write. Later the psychologist I was seeing said it acted as a journaling of sorts and encouraged it…. I think by writing (blogging)1) you things in a different way 2) you get it (built up energy)out of your system 3) the comments you receive positive or negative ~ may make you think about it further 4) knowing that you are able to help others by sharing experiences … great medicine, priceless…
I for one am very grateful you choose to write. xo HHL
As I have no experience of therapy apart from a nurse asking me if my marriage was ok.. when I had post natal depression and when I answered yes I was never seen again … I use blogging sometimes as a form of therapy I have no idea how it is meant to work in reality …but it helps me xx
I agree completely with what you say here. What you do here is different from what happens when a near verbatim of the session is spilled out to a friend or partner right after the session. And spilled is the operative word because it is not processed before that happens. I used to do that with a friend who was seeing the same analyst I see. And I can see now that it wasn’t helpful because it kept energy out of the container rather providing energy to bring in to the container, which is what I see you doing.
I don’t write on my blog about my analysis or my analyst because being really introverted about that feels important at this point in my life. But if I did, it would be a lot like what you write. With a bit less flair though.
Whether undergoing psychoanalysis or not we all spend time in containers. We experience the world through our physical senses as well as through our cultural framework. Often people look for ways to share views with one another in ways that will enhance narrow self-perceptions. A more thoughtful and mature response is to understand that such a reaction is extremely limiting to personal growth.
I understand and agree with Cheryl’s description of the psychoanalytic space as being sacred. In a similar fashion, although a confessional is meant to provide forgiveness, spiritual redemption only happens when that is internalized and transformed.
You have a very wise He-weasel.
Your husband is a very wise man. There are many schools of thought on everything. I have appreciated your sharing this. Especially when you have had a difficult time and then you share how Igor has helped in some way. I’m sure that because like most of your readers I care about you. So, as usual I would say that each individual is different, and if you think sharing harms you in any way, don’t do it. If you think it is cathartic continue on…..
I was halfway through the passage about the concept of the vessel and the possibility of damaging effects of a crack and I started to mentally compose my reply. I wanted to point out that this crack is a two way street and as energy goes out, it inevitably comes back in. As I continued reading, you basically covered that point yourself. So I have nothing ‘new’ to contribute. But I do agree with your husband, a very good description.
There’s also the bit where it helps all of us so, and besides, when therapy was invented, they didn’t have the Internet. I imagine the concept of self is evolving quite rapidly at the moment…
Opening the container vs breaking it. Yes, that makes a lot of sense.
The other thing is – writing is a very different exercise than speaking. We really do process and learn through writing in ways that we do not, as words disappear into the air when they pass through our lips.
Thank you for this thoughtful reminder of one more reason to write from so many places of depth.
Egads! Gadzooks! All exclamatory nonsense!
This is brilliant.
In writing/making art there is a similar idea–instead of talking about wanting to write (or wanting to make art), just do it.
But…I frequently discuss process and practice, and always want to hear what others think about this.
Because you write about your sessions analytically (as everyone has suggested), it does seem to work. The idea of private and public fits in here somewhere, but I’m not sure where.
This is really thoughtful. i have generally been resistant to telling my partner what happens in therapy, because I feel like it is between my therapist and I. but, I find myself bringing up stuff I talked about w/my old therapist (from when i was living in Canada) because i am still learning from the work her and I did together, and when I relay it to my partner it is because I am sharing with him to share what i have gained from that work or to gain more from his input. I totally see what he-weasel means that writing about it and sharing after you’ve processed is very different than just coming home and telling him what happened/what was said.
I have noticed too that you often write about the dreams you’ve had. I am seeing a Jungian therapist now and her and I recently started discussing my dreams. She pointed out that by sharing our dreams with other people we get more insight into what the dream might have been about, because different people see different interpretations. And that by sharing/talking about our dreams, we learn so much more than if we kept to ourselves. So, when you share your dreams, you get additional perspectives, which is valuable to your therapy and your work. Someone might see something in a detail that you or Igor missed.
We also learn a lot about you by hearing your dreams. We get to know you better, which is very wonderful too – because you are a very wonderful person to know (Even if it is only virtually).
Xoxo – take care smart lady!
He-weasel is a wise one. I am not qualified to comment on this idea of the container, but your metaphor of the shared soup makes intuitive sense to me. I really appreciate what you share here. Your work therapy helps me in my own process of self healing and discovery.
Holy Moly girl…..I will have to reserve any kind of real comment until I process everything in this post. So thought-provoking ….hmmmmmm. Will be back!
I haven’t been in therapy very long…but I have found that I only share things in my blog and personal life that I would share normally. The things that I feel are very personal still stay between me and my therapist.
I really appreciate your blog and the questions it provokes in my own life. I’m glad that you share your growth with my little corner of the blogosphere.
I agree with He-Weasel, as well. I used to call my boyfriend or bff after a session and recount everything that happened but then I would get upset because they didn’t fully understand and it felt like I cheapened really important moments. Nowadays, I take time to process what happened in a session and sometimes I talk about it later and sometimes I don’t. Sometimes when I quote my therapist (she’s a wise woman and her words need billboards) I don’t tell people “my therapist said…” Containers are important but breaching the containers can be necessary–it’s not a black and white issue. Thinking about it now, I am actually more protective of my therapist’s identity than I am about the things that happen in her office. At school, I’m extra protective of her identity since she knows so many of my professors. But then again, it could be selfishness on my part because I want her to remain “my” therapist
I agree with He-weasel too. I am glad that you share after reflection for us to learn..xoxoxo
He-Weasel is a wise man.
Um, yes. Yes exactly. This is a container in itself, and a fantastically valuable one for your readers and I think for you as well. I can imagine that some people talk about their therapy sessions as a way of in fact NOT processing them. They are taking that energy and wasting it with a blow by blow rehash of what happened — deflecting it so they don’t have to think about it. That’s very different from what you are doing here. This seems to me that this is parallel and supportive. I will confess a deep self-interest: I would miss Igor terribly if he disappeared from the blog. I adore Igor long-distance.
Writing does help process it all… I know it for a fact… Whenever I’m avoiding processing ideas I stop writing, because if I do I will invariably have to confront whatever is bugging me…
lots of love, XXX
I don’t believe in closed systems, but that’s just me being thermodinamically anal. A lot of systems approach ideal conditions an even though, strictly speaking, they are not closed, you can still work with them as if they were. That said, writing helps me process things and put my feelings and thoughts in order. I don’t write much about what goes on with my therapist, but maybe I should.
I like what you share here and the way you share it. It makes me think and want to know more.
You already fashioned the philosopher’s stone, you’re simply sharing some of the gold with us.
Fascinating. I never knew about the container, but it makes sense. Your sharing your therapy with others makes sense, too, though. I know you do it in a spirit of trying to create accessibility, and I admire that.
The minute I started reading this, I said to myself: But the blog is another kind of container. You didn’t need to suggest that to me. It was firmly my opinion, strangely enough. I can say this as a fellow blogger who understands implicitly the nature of the written word and the community for which we write. We write about very different things, but the premise is identical. Just my two cents.