1. Dorothea was 100% right on. I took her dream interpretation with me to Igor’s as I knew she was right. He isn’t usually interested what any of my friends think about my dreams but when he heard Dorothea had made an interpretation he clamored to hear it. The truth is that I think Igor is a bit smitten with Dorothea(ever since he heard her first dream interpretation he has had a bit of a soft spot for her).
This is what genius Dorothea said about the dream I wrote about on Monday:
This may be my own tunnel vision here, but I think this is related to the feelings you’ve expressed in the previous posts. To pull in another character from Greek mythology, perhaps you are feeling like Icarus — you are scared that you are flying too close to the sun. You’ve exposed your true (and lovely!) face by giving up your anonymity. You’re feeling good about living in (sunny) Pasadena. You can read these as assertions of your ego: “Hey, look at me, I’m writing this cool stuff that I want the world to see!” (for which the world is better off)! “And I’m going to claim Pasadena as mine, too!” And this makes you vulnerable.
You’ve also been blogging with great honesty and openness — again, exposure, bringing things out into the light — and that makes you vulnerable, too. I suspect part of your psyche is screaming, “Yikes! Go back inside where it is safe, dark, and no one can see you!” I hope you won’t do that, but I think that’s one of the conflicts generating this dream.
I hate to toot my own horn but I have to say that I have the SMARTEST readers. I feel so lucky. I love you, Dorothea—and should Igor ever retire I know exactly where I am going for therapy( do you have an opening on Thursdays at noon?). I do feel a bit ashamed that I didn’t figure out this dream on my own( it can be so hard to see our own dreams. It can be like finding the elusive mustard jar that is hiding in front of you in plain sight. Please, tell me I am not the only one who does this!) As soon as I read it I knew it was true and it felt exactly right. I have been putting my face out there and I did get burnt and it did make me want to withdraw. And I certainly have been afraid of what might happen now that I am starting to accept my place in the sun. Icarus at one end and Persephone at the other. I feel much more at home with Persephone, less of a fall than hanging with Icarus.
2.Today is a day that I have been waiting for since last March. Your friend is coming to visit me and I feel all kinds of excited. I have for weeks been counting off the days and hours until her arrival. I have that feeling I had when I was a kid and it was Christmas eve. Your friend is the kind of friend I can talk to about philosophy, psychology, France, skincare, Hillman and all of our other shared interests, mundane and sublime. We, when together, laugh and smile so much that our faces hurt from their constant smiling. We stay up so late talking that our visits have a endless slumber party kind of feel. We share a secret language that only the best of friends can and our times together, no matter what we do, are always hallmarked by depth, insight, laughter and a moment in which she makes me laugh so hard that I almost pee my pants. I will likely be scarce on the blogosphere while she is here.
3. I love what I do. I wish I could say more. I know I am being redundant but I just have to say it again, I love-love-love what I do and I feel so lucky to do it. At the end of the days when I see patients He-weasel always asks me how my day went. I always tell him, “I love my job and I love the people I work with” and then my voice trails off into silence and I think about all that is my profound privilge to witness.
5. On Sunday I am going to a lecture given by a 101 year old Psychoanalyst named Hedda Bolgar (click on over to see her speak. She is an inspiration. If you are interested, here is an article on Hedda). Not sure you know this but I am mad-crazy-in-love with older people who love what they do. Actually, I like most older people. I worked, many years ago, as an activity director at a Japanese retirement hotel. It was such a wonderful experience and a lesson in existential awareness that was better than any philosophy course I ever took. I am prepared to go and fall in love with this woman. You will likely hear more about Hedda from me post-event.
6. Recently I saw an extreme example of detached parenting and something about witnessing this atrocity made me feel extremely grateful for my mother. I love her, I do. Happy Birthday, Mom. I’m glad you were born( Mom’s birthday was yesterday).