The first time I went to therapy, my parents chose a psychotherapist quickly (an easier decision than which mechanic they took their car to). The way they found this nutter-butter-can-of-cashews was that my first pediatrician didn’t know what to do for my nightly all-night/every night nightmares and so he sent me to a therapist. He thought she was good because of her seemingly impressive pedigree, and let me let them tell you as they told everyone who asked, “She did therapy on the Prime Minister from Israel.” Even at ten I found this bit of information troubling and logistically dubious, as we lived in a beachside suburb in Los Angeles and the Prime Minister from Israel lived in Israel.
Here are a few examples of her wacky behavior:
1. She ate cottage cheese with her mouth open during our sessions. I feel sure that her mouth full of curds gave me more nightmares rather than less.
2. She read her mail during our sessions. While I get that my 10-year-old chatter was not very stimulating, she was getting paid to listen to me and not to read what the latest edition of Readers Digest said about how to declutter your desk. Good God, do I wish I was making this stuff up.
3. I have since learned that she asked patients for rides to the airport. She never asked me for a ride, but I was only ten and I didn’t even have a bike.
I thought, as a public service of sorts, and since I am a therapist and since I write about being in therapy, it might be a good thing if I shared some thoughts about picking a therapist—should you ever find yourself in need of one—as they can be harder to find than a good mechanic. For the rest of this post please click here.
“Seeing a therapist who doesn’t do his/her own therapy is like going to a priest who has no relationship with God.”
So very true!
Morgan: It is a ASTONISHING the number of therapists who have never done their own work. I just don’t get it. It makes me crazy!
You crack me up LBR. This sounds like a scene from a movie! Now off to the rest! xoxo
Tragedy+distance=comedy.;-)
I have memories of therapists and therapy offices from when I was only 7years old. My parents took us and we made the lobby into a Barbie World (much to the distress of the other patients) while my parents were in with the therapist.
It moved on to the therapist that told us our parents were divorcing, the therapist that I saw when a friend passed away, the therapist that I saw for my nightmares….. the list could keep going on and on…….isn’t it weird how we remember these memories even though they seem so insignificant at the time.
Really liked the post though- am currently trying to help my 18yr old sis find a therapist and I sent her the link to read too
I love the image of your turning the lobby into a barbie world. Good for you for making it into a safe space for you( that is what you were doing, me thinks).
And I so hope my post is helpful to your sister.
Hi- freakin’- larious, La B! Miss J had an intake session with a woman who sat with her eyes closed the entire time, occasionally nodding or grunting to assure Miss J she was awake or alive. Miss J found her intolerable and never returned. Fortunately, she LOVES her current therapist, Dr. O.
I understand occasionally closing your eyes in order to process something. But the WHOLE time????? Yikes! And the grunting is also disconcerting. Happy you found a therapist you love. Hooray for Dr. O!
Oh my god I would have GAGGED at the cottage cheese.
It was a visual that I have never been able to wash out of my mind.
1. Curds? No whey!
2. Perhaps she was waiting for that very special edition of the Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes.
3.A Big Wheel would have been safer; lower center of gravity.
I think if she won the Publisher’s Clearing House she would have bought a HUGE vat of cottage cheese and a limousine.
I love my therapist and although I read this after I picked her, I used several of these methods to decide that she is right for me. I have only been in therapy for a few months, but I love it and am actually afraid that I may be getting addicted, lol.
There are much worse addictions to have.;-) I am so happy you found a therapist you love.
well, i am not in need of one but will read you anywhere so off i go in a click….who knows where i might land!! how exciting
xx
Usually, if it is about Psychology and I am linking to it, you can be pretty sure that you will find yourself over at my place at Psychology Today.:-)xo
We had to eat lunch at our desks when I was in third grade and my seat was in the middle of the front row. While the teacher ate with his mouth open sometimes I couldn’t eat at all.
Yuck! Horrible. Poor you! What a terrible trauma.
hey Belle, great article. Forgive me, as I continued to be amazed at how you can explain something like choosing a therapist in a way that I get. I always feel at a loss in wondering how to go about it. Your writing is clear and concise, which I appreciate.
Thank you so much, Audrey. I am so happy if this was helpful. And I am happy if my writing style makes it accessible. That is my goal.
Thanks for the great pointers, though in my case my insurance company only gave me three choices. One of them specialized in children, another one in sleep disorders, and so I ended up with the guy that did family therapy, which turned out well. I guess I was very lucky. I should tell him to use that website, because he is not listed.
I am so pleased that you found a good one. And, for the record, I cannot imagine specializing in sleep disorders. What a snooze!;-) Thanks, Pearl. I am so pleased that you found the pointers helpful.
What a great column/post! I will definitely be using this as a reference when people ask me how to find a therapist, as I do get asked that every now and then. Thank you!
I’ve been to see three different therapists over the last 13 years — for various issues, or so I thought — funnily enough, the conversation always returned to themes of grief, loss and infertility. The first therapist was a social worker I heard speaking at an IVF seminar; she specialized in infertility & loss issues, & I went to see her a couple of times during our infertility journey. The second was a psychologist that a friend suggested I see when I was struggling with anxiety a few years later — she (the therapist) did stress management seminars for my friend’s law firm. And the third was someone I was referred to by my employee assistance program. All three were very helpful in their own ways — I feel very fortunate about that!