A week ago Friday I got a text message from Stephanie that she had a favorite new book that she L-L-L-LOVED and she made sure to inform me that this wasn’t hyperbole and how I had to get the book immediately. The funny thing is that earlier that morning I had been thinking of Stephanie when I was walking Lily. I had been thinking of Mary Pipher’s memoir that she had mentioned twice in previous conversations and wondering if I ought to go get the book instead of reading the four other books that were sitting patiently on my bedside table waiting for me to read them.
There was something about the way that Stephanie talked about Pipher’s book that made me think that she was neither recommending it or not recommending it—rather she was giving me the Cliff Notes for the book. What I remember most about Pipher’s memoir was that she was totally overwhelmed by her fame and how having a successful book almost destroyed her. When you are a want-to-be author of a book it can be nice to read how horrible being successful is (yes, I am a horrible person and if there was a hell I would be going there because I suffer from occasional bouts of envy).
So when I got Stephanie’s message that there was a book that I HAD to read it felt too synchronous to ignore. Three-hours later This Is Not The Story You Think It Is: A Season of Unlikely Happiness by LauraMunson was in my hands. As I read the first chapter I will admit that I had some trepidation about whether this was the book for me and how exactly I was going to tell Stephanie that her new favorite book was not my cup of memoir. The reason I felt reluctant about diving into the book is that I don’t really love reading about divorce. Marriage is the one thing that is going pretty well for me and love affairs gone wrong are just not on the top of my favorite topic list. I tend to prefer memoirists who write about crazy families, mental illness, loss of faith, grief and or trips to exotic locals. And I had recently read a wonderful memoir on divorce by Isabel Gillies that seemed to be the definitive memoir on the subject, Happens Everyday (Even if you think you aren’t interested in the topic you will be so pulled in by Isabel’s writing that you will not be able to put it down. It is a read in one sitting kind of book) and that seemed like more than enough reading on divorce to get me through the year.
I kept reading Munson’s memoir as I couldn’t come up with a way I could tell Stephanie that I didn’t love her favorite new book. I remember learning when a very close friend of mine hated J.D. Salinger; I had the kind of reaction as if she had told me she hated He-weasel or Lily. Loved books are like family member and it is the job of friends to at least make an effort to find something nice to say about them.
It was by page 28 that I knew I was in trouble. It was page 28 that I figured out that Laura Munson was from Lake Forest, Illinois (a hop with no need for a skip from Lake Bluff). I was at my mother’s when I was reading it and my mother doesn’t have Internet so I went on the patio where my I-phone works the best and I looked to Google for clues that I was right—clues that Laura and I share a common geography if not a common crisis. As I waited for my evidence a butterfly flew by. There was a time that butterflies were my proof that everything would be alright. I had long ago given up hope that the winged beauties were any kind of personal signifier but as it was flying by when I was searching for a synchronicity I couldn’t help but wonder. I asked He-weasel, “What do you think that means?”“Something good,” he answered, ever the optimist. Strangely and uncharacteristically I believed him.
Laura was married in the church that He-weasel and I attended; It was the church where I prayed to get pregnant. She grew up in the place that I longed to live forever. When I saw these differences that I decided to do what I did with Dave Eggers, only different. Instead of tracking all that we had in common I started to track how Laura and I were opposites, anti-twins if you will.
- Laura came from Lake Forest and wanted to leave it. I came from California and wanted the life she was trying to leave behind.
- She had a wonderful father who loved and adored her and believed in her; I had a different kind of father.
- Laura had a reluctant life relocation to Montana and when she got there she didn’t want to leave it. I, as you know, had a reluctant life relocation and have not fallen in love with Valencia in the same way.
- Her issue is the loss of her partner. My issue is childlessness, among other things.
- She loves Italy; I love France.
- She, in her book, attempts to stay calm, cool, and collected in the face of suffering. I find the concept so foreign that as I read her cool as a cucumber reaction to her hearing that her husband doesn’t love her that I almost started speaking in tongues.
- Laura writes to help others. I write to help myself, not even daring to assume that my writing could possibly help anyone else.
- Her way of understanding her crisis comes from Rilke, Rumi and Buddhist nuns. My way of understanding my crisis comes from Freud, Melanie Klein and Igor.
- Both of us were written up in The Gazebo News. I was written up for my post about the 4th of July Parade in Lake Bluff and she was written up for her book.
This is where things started getting weird–really weird, in a twilight zone synchronicity weird kind of way. You see I read this book on the weekend of July 4th. This is the weekend I miss Lake Bluff the most. It is the weekend of the Lake Bluff parade. When I Googled Laura I discovered that her father used to drive his Jaguar in the parade. As I read about this I was surprised that I didn’t cry. I am surprised that I didn’t want to put down the book because it hurt too much. I keep reading the book. My mother and He-weasel and Lily all went to bed and I stayed up reading. I couldn’t put the book down. It became a way of connecting to the place I miss most. It somehow helped to read about how much she wants to be away from the place that I want to be. Each reference to our differences and commonalities comforted me. Until I got to the chapter about her father and how much he loved her and believed in her and then I started to cry and grieve for a father like that, a father that I have never known.
The next day was the Fourth. He-weasel had gone to the Home Depot to get something so he can fix something in my mother’s house (this is not the kind of thing I ask questions about as if I did He-weasel would feel the need to tell me the details of the different kind of calk). I sit in the parking lot in the car with the air conditioner on high and I don’t even notice how long he is gone as I was so engrossed in the book. I turned the page and saw the chapter heading, “The god of the Fourth of July”. I read on and I waited to get to the part that I was sure was there, the part where she talks about what the parade is like in Lake Bluff. I turned the page and there on the left margin of the right page is a yellow post-it note. The post-it note is marking the description of the parade. As I read the description I try and make sense of how the post-it note got there and who put it there and why they did it. This was a new book. I was the first person to read it and yet there it was, a yellow post-it note. This post-it note was in the paragraph that I needed to read. The paragraph that makes me feel better and less alone. And yet as I read her description of the parade I still can’t make sense of what this means or why it happened. Truth be told I don’t really care how or why…. what I care about is that the synchronicity made me feel less alone. I sat in the parking lot and I felt grateful to a woman I had never met—and I felt grateful to the god of the fourth of July who brought me this book and then I cried . It was the good kind of cry in which you feel happy and sad and confused and bemused and not at all sure how or why things work as they do.
I could say more but I couldn’t say more without ruining the book for you. What I will say is that I liked this book much more than “Eat, Pray, Love” and I liked it in spite of all my differences with Laura. You don’t have to like it. I will like you even if you don’t( I have grown a lot since I got in a snit about my friend not liking Salinger). If you decide to read it, and I hope that you do, I hope that you find a yellow post it note that will somehow give you hope that everything will be alright and that maybe you will get your happy ending after all.
My dear friend, it seems that as you have put out to the universe the many questions .. it is trying to give you answers. I too believe that butterflies are a sign that things are going to be OK. I can see many butterflies, and not think anything… then there is that one that follows me around the garden, down to the stream, and back to the house. I’ve even had one land on my on me and stay there for at least 2 minutes – Had Mr. G and a couple of friends not also witnessed this – I would have thought I imagined it.
I’m happy that you were abl to feel less alone… that is a good feeling.
I have left something for you on my last post – or you can find it here http://attitudeivlife.blogspot.com/2010/07/awards-to-share-thank-you-friends.html
P.s. your writing helps me and I’m sure many others… wishing you a good day ..HHL
Thank you for sharing your butterfly moments. And, lovely you, thank you to much for the award. I have to tell you that it confounds me to think my writing helps anyone else. I am delighted if it has helped you. I just know that if I wrote with that as a goal my writing would be weird and stilted and overly optimistic.
What a great experience, I wish things like that happened to me from time to time .
I wish you synchronicities!:-)
It’s a wonderful thing when a book touches us in that way. Adding this one to my list. Can I confess that I’m probably the only person I know who hasn’t read Eat, Pray, Love?
You and me, Deja Pseu!
Read this instead!
And I can tell you that I was sad to see the book end. I wanted to stay in that magical sense of connection, that this book created for me, just a little longer.
See? The Universe is looking out for you after all.
It was quite a synchronicity!
p.s. Thank you, lovely you, for sending all your readers over to my blog. It was so nice to have them all here!xo
Wow. You’ve won me over. I’m a bit shallow and don’t typically read “wordy” blogs. I like pretty pictures…I know, sad. I loved this post and will now be a loyal reader.
I’ve been wanting to read this book. I didn’t love Eat, Pray, Love…I may be the only woman on the planet who didn’t like it.
Butterflies do the same thing for me. The World needs more butterflies.
I’m off to amazon to buy the book.
Jill: You are so funny!!! And I am so glad that I won you over. I do post pretty pictures sometimes( mostly of Lily;-).
Can I tell you a secret: I didn’t love Eat, Pray, Love either. It just didn’t speak to me.
I so hope you like the book!
And then the earth shook.
Very cool, LBR. I’m going to look for that book.
Yep. The earth shook and then things started to move towards a happy ending.
Wow – magnificent review. And a great story on its own. Now my curiosity is getting the best of me and I’m going to have to get ahold of a copy and read, read read!
Happy Monday to you.
oxoxo
Denalee
Thanks, Denalee! I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.xoxo
This confirms it–magic is alive and well, especially in your life!
Finding the post-it–that is lovely. It was there for you, absolutely.
It is nice to find an unexpected Easter egg.;-)
I love that you had this semi-mystic experience. That post-it note was spooky! The best writing touches something in us. I have been reading some Arthur Conan Doyle recently, and was startled by some passages that perfectly mirrored my own beliefs and experiences.
And I totally agree that it is disconcerting when a friend doesn’t love your favorite books or plays or films.
Here’s a tune to accompany your post: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8wBuU_OhIA
It is amazing how a book can be a mirror and a friend. And, when a book is a mirror and a friend it does hurt when friends don’t get it.
Thanks for the video! It’s perfect!!
Isn’t it funny how a 360 of one’s way of thinking can alter emotions. Possibly your angel left that note. Really amazing. I didn’t love Eat Pray Love. Didin’t hate it but eh it was ok. I used to take things personally but have worked so hard on not doing so. I tell myself ” everything is not about you.” I wish my angel would remove all my fear of flying. I am going to read the book and I am glad it brought you some joy!
I hope your fear of flying soon leaves you. My wish is partly selfish, I so want to meet you!
Thank you, and likewise how fun it would be to meet you. We could have French roast coffee and play fashion police.
What a great post. It’s quite bizarre how the post-it note got there, did you ever find out?
I’m glad you feel less alone, dear friend. Much love from us x
I have absolutely no idea how that post-it note got there. Sooooo wild! Much love back to you and the gorgeous girls!xo
Dear LBR…Missed you and your blog! I am thinking that i like to read the memoir more but perhaps this is the book to read. A few weeks ago when I was in Studio City shopping I saw this book (don’t remember the title only the cover) that a store owner was reading for the second time and I immediately bought it from the store next door. I have put it down twice now, I find it too painful to read….but I will in the end.
I will be emailing you..still sleepy and jet lagged!
xoxo
I missed you too! Welcome home!! Can’t wait to hear what you think of the book. And I can’t wait to hear from you!xo
This is a wonderful experience, I love it when a connection is made. …which is what I think happened.
… yup I am a fruit cake xx
I too have a love of butterflies and feel everything will be alright when I see one, I often think they are my father coming to tell me it will all work out.
I particularly remember the first summer in this house we were under so much pressure living in such a mess, but the house was full of the most exquisite butterflies I have ever seen, one was like a leopard or had a giraffe type pattern .. I incidentally have never seen any of them since. I think it was dad encouraging me
OMG!!! I love that your butterflies came in animal prints. Your Dad is a clever one if he was able to arrange a new species for you. LOVE it!!! I don’t think you are a fruit cake. I don’t like fruit cakes and I adore you!:-)
I have head to toe chills right now. Did you read my blog post this Fourth of July??? http://lauramunson.wordpress.com/2010/07/03/fourth-of-july-blues
Thank you SO much for this fantastic sisterly review. Lawn Mower brigade and bag-pipes forever! I was back home last year for it all, and this year I moped. Can’t seem to kick that holiday. I think it’s because it was the one day when the myth became a reality. Maybe the post-it grew out of that, somehow…
yrs. Laura
I am still freaking out about all of this…how I found your book, the post-it note, the Parade, the 4th, Salinger, the Church, the butterfly and now you are here. And now we are friends. I cannot believe this. I fear my head will explode.
And, you really said something powerful here, “it was the one day when the myth became a reality”. That is it exactly. Thank you, dear Laura. Thank you for the book. Thank you for this comment. And thanks for reaching out as you have. He-weasel and that butterfly were right.
Serendipity! Every time I visit Oberlin (a few times a year) I think good thoughts for Isabel Gillies.
Did you read it? Soooo sad. So very sad. Yet it was a wonderful book.
I haven’t read Eat, Pray, Love – this makes me feel remiss but maybe I can become a superior person with a ‘ah yes but have you read Laura Munson’ – I’m so glad you enjoyed it! I will get round to it. I love a cry in a car park due to reading.
Yes, you will be a superior person. Well, actually, you already are superior as far as I am concerned.:-)
Great blog! What fantastic serendipity. This book has touched a lot of people. Laura is a peach, and I’m sure you’d like her if you met her.
If you want to listen to an interview with Laura, you can do so here: http://www.authormagazine.org/interviews/interview_page_munson.htm
Thank you so much, Bill. I so appreciate you coming over and reading this post and sharing the interview! You are so right! Laura is a peach!!
Hope you come back and visit again.:-)
I love the synchronicity of all this, LB.
Great post.
Wild, huh?
I’m distracted by the mention of Isabel Gillies because I had dinner with her not long ago! I’ll have to introduce you two one of these days.
I feel like I know her through her book.
Some say synchronicity, I hear Twilight Zone music. (Not really. Well, kind of sometimes.)
It sounds like something I shall put on my library list, more than I can say for Eat, Pray, Love as I haven’t read that one yet and am not convinced I shall. (Not opposed to reading it, there are just so many other books that beckon.)
This is pretty amazing Miss LBR, and I love the incredible way you write about is also. But perhaps I most like the He-weasel’s response to the butterfly, because I think of you that way.
Sending you a smile,
tp
Dear Princess, I am so very touched that you think of me that way. I am starting to reconsider butterflies and I am seeing how so many of my dear friends have been butterflies in my life. Your support and encouragement makes you a definite butterfly. I would say you are a pink and green Lilly Pulitzer butterfly.;-)
You my dear, LBR are one talented and gifted writer! I felt such a cosmic pull as I flipped each page of Laura’s book. Now I know why. I feel so honored for the mention and am thrilled our paths have crossed. This past year, you have been my butterfly. Thank you. Good things lie ahead for you-I know how badly you want it!
))
xo
PS Laura wrote to you I see! She must have been so moved by your review! Someday soon I imagine she’ll be saying the same for you!
Thank you, sweet friend. I am so grateful that you felt called to tell me about this book. I can’t believe all of the synchronicities. Truly, I am in shock. You are a Monarch butterfly in my life. I cannot thank you enough for always being there during this last year. Your belief in me is such a gift. And you KNOW I feel the same way about you.
Was it a blank yellow post-it? If I’d come across a book you might be tempted to read, especially if I thought it would make you sad, I’d draw a little picture of Weasel and Lily watching Crow fly.
I’m sorry your dad didn’t give you the love he owed you but I’m glad things are better between you and your mom. As a wise man said, ‘Synchronicity is an ever present reality for those who have eyes to see.’
Yes, it was. And, I LOVE that image. I think I am going to put a bunch of yellow posts it in the mail to you. It would be so nice to see Lily and I watching Crow fly. That image means sooo much to me. I think of it everyday—every time Lils and I see a crow.
Things are better with my Mom. Things with my Dad were never good. But I know I wouldn’t be who I am if things had been different. I feel a kind of strange gratitude for him being the shit that he was.;-)
Oh, sweet Belette, you are such a gorgeous writer. Your words moved me to tears. Of course I’ll go out and get this book. I love memoirs, and if she’s half as good a writer as you, I will adore the book.
Hugs and love!
Coming from you that is HUGE praise and you are a GORGEOUS writer! Thank you so much, Angie. I am so touched by your incredibly generous compliment. Hugs and love back!
What a strange & serendipitous thing, the book, the yellow post-it note, the parade, how it all ties together. Odd but you know, real life *is* stranger than fiction.
PS: I love Mary Pipher; wish she was my sister/neighbor/friend. A wise woman. I need to read her memoir!
I loved “Reviving Ophelia”. It is a book that I have recommended to so many people. It was a paradigm changing book.
The butterfly brought it on, the series of wonders after page 28, most definitely.
Hmmm. Better than Eat, Pray, Love. That intrigues me right there. I am not in the mood for a book about divorce right now, as I’m feeling unconsolidated (your word recycled!) in the pit of my stomach lately. I am not sure I will ever feel totally secure in marriage, so I might as well read the book.
And the part about her daddy luck will bug me, too because we share those daddy issues, you and I do. I know that I’ll never have that dad I dreamed of, so – again – I might as well read the book. 
After I finish The Passion by Jeanette Winterson, that I just began and you probably have already read.
Excuse long, jibberishy comment…..
I think that it is a good book if you feel totally secure in your marriage and maybe even better if you don’t. Laura has a whole lot to teach about the impact of personal responsibility on marriage. It is a big lesson.
And, in a strange way, it felt good to grieve that kind of father. In grieving him I am able to see what he did give me and where I have found healthy fathering from other sources.
Let me know what you think of it when you do. And, I adore your comments, no matter the length. Actually I LOVE a long comment. That said, no pressure to be long just to please me.;-)
p.s. I have not read The Passion. The last book of hers that I read was “Written on the Body”.
I do love it when a book resonates, it happens so rarely that we as readers do get to connect it makes the read all the more worth it. I guess that is why blogging is so successful, we get to connect but also as you so rightly point out get to see the differences and it is these that certainly help me appreciate what I have. Since blogging I have been far more satisfied with my lot in life.
Regarding fame, many people puzzle my need to paint without an outlet, I find it hard to explain that the process and journey is what I crave, the outcome is a bonus and it bothers me not one jot that they then get shoved into a folder.
I once joked to a colleague that because of my fathers appalling indiscretions ( he was jailed and deported some years ago from Korea) I could never ever be famous, the filth English tabloids enjoy raking up would negate me EVER seeking fame on any level. That said there is a small part of me that would love just once to have an exhibition on Cork St, just once it would be nice to be on the outside looking in on myself instead of looking at others work.
Was this book about The Police? (I had to come up with something since one of your esteemed commenters already used the whole Twilight Zone thing)
Salinger sucks! (you *know* I’m merely kidding on that).
You can say whatever you want about Salinger and I will still <3 you. This is why:http://www.labeletterouge.com/2008/11/rye-may-be-dry-but-my-eyes-are-not.html
Wow, the writer has commented, now Belette you know you’ve made it in literary circles
You also sound like a wonderful friend, taking the time to continue with your friend’s recommendation. I do not think your JD Salinger judgement is at all unreasonable; I recently lent a favourite book to a good friend (Beloved) and was quite hurt by how he decided he hated it after a chapter.
In fact, I know you are a wonderful friend, because your sweet comments always make me smile
Thankyou, Belette xxx
Pretty fabulous, huh???
Thank you. Being a good friend is easy when you have friends like I do. And I don’t at all blame you for being hurt by the quick rejection of your beloved Beloved. I would have felt the same way.
You, my friend, are a wonderful friend for the very same reason. Thank you, Pretty Face!xo
belette, your words remind me of how life does her thing, and includes us in the sweetest ways. i love your words and your sentiments. i do get the feeling that certain happenings in life are especially for me, as you did while reading this memoir… enjoy enjoy enjoy!!
i know what you mean about when folks don’t get your favorite writers. i recommended the writings of Seneca to someone, and after reading him he belittled Seneca’s writings. i had to literally take a nap after his statement. it was too much.
big congratulations on your writing being in the gazebo news. sweet!!
Your friend is lucky that you didn’t throw the book at him/her. How could someone not like Seneca? How could you not like someone who says, ““I am like a book, with pages that have stuck together for want of use: my mind needs unpacking and the truths stored within must be turned over from time to time, to be ready when occasion demands.” LOVE IT!!
Thanks so much, dear Audrey!
Dear Belette, it is so strange how books can be such messengers and contain so much that helps to keep us adrift. And also how we can also so easily miss those messages as well. I do disagree with you on one thing. Your writing can and does help a lot of people. xx
Dear Josephine: I thank you so much for your disagreement. I am so very happy if it does.
This message was unmissable. That post-it note was there, like X marking the spot. I am grateful for how obvious it was.
xo
What a delight finding this blog today, especially this amazing post. I reached out to Google to find out whether there are others writing memoir blog posts and voila! Here you are, like one of your butterflies.
Susan: Delighted that Google brought you here. I hope you come back again soon. I look forward to discovering your blog!
Jesus, this post is genius.
K-line:I LOVE YOU!
Uncanny. I really can’t believe it.
I still can’t and yet…