Pacifica Graduate School in Santa Barbara. While I am there I am going to see my wise-old-man-crush, James Hillman. Hillman, whose intellect I am seriously hot for, is leading a seminar, “Old and Young” in which he will explore the archetypes of the Puer Aeternus and the Senex. I am as giddy as a school girl and more than a little farklempt at the idea of a weekend with the Hillman.
I thought in my current state of frenzy that it would be best to make a list so I don’t forget anything.
1. Hope, enthusiasm and excitement. I am going to need a big bag. I have a lot of these.
2. Safari Banana Republic Dress in black and khaki. I am taking an assortment of leggings, belts, tanks and boots. I figure that with enough accessories I will be able to confuse fellow attendees into thinking I am not wearing the same dress in different colours.
3. Shawls. In order to attend a California psychological conference one must have a shawl. Anyone can fake a license with a scanner and some basic counter-fitting skills but only a therapist knows how to work a shawl. You think I’m kidding? I will take a shawl count when I’m there. I’ll give you the shawl stats when I return.
4. Business cards. I take them just in case I decide to get in networking mode. I keep my business cards in a Louis Vuitton business card case. Something about that makes me laugh. I realize it is a subtle joke. But I just find it funny for a therapist to have a Louis Vuitton card case.
5. Black Tory Burch Patent Leather Thongs. I am taking these because they show off my pedicured piggies that are painted in Particle.
6. Flat Iron. Blow dryer. Hair serums. I need lots of products or my hair goes Rosanne-Rosanna-Danna when I am in Santa Barbara.
7. Pictures of Lily. I cannot be five days without seeing that oodgey-woodgy-cutie-wootie face. If I didn’t have the pictures I might have to call her and leave messages on the machine:”What’s my good girl doing? Is she a good girl? Does she miss her mommy? Her mommy misses her.” Yes. I am that person.
8. The products I got with my Neiman Marcus rewards cards: Laura Mercier Brightening Powder and Bobbi Brown Shimmer Brick in Apricot. I can thank the gorgeous Wildernesschic for inspiring these purchases.
9. Too many cosmetics. I am not good at packing cosmetics. I bring everything, full-sized.
10. Pillows. The hotel I am staying at has the most evil pillows ever. These pillows are so bad that I feel sure that the hotel is part of some sadistic psychological study that is determining how much suffering people will endure before complaining.
11. My squirrel pajamas which are a small symbolic nod to Hillman’s acorn theory.
12. Camera. I’m taking it so I can take lots of pictures of Santa Barbara. That way I will have some material for blog posts when I get back. If I don’t have the pictures I fear all my blog posts next week will be about me gushing over how fabulous it was to sit in Hillman’s presence.
13. Fear and anxiety. Even if I forget them I am sure I will find some waiting for me when I arrive.
14. Journals and notebooks. I’ll need them to write down every brilliant thing Hilly says. I will also need to write down all the silly things that people say in an attempt to impress my unimpressible BF. I’ll need the notebooks to write lists of ideas for the book, for the blog and I will write character studies and things I want to tell Igor and all the things I want to tell you when I come back.
15. My Mac. I probably won’t use it. I won’t have time. But what if I get inspired? What if there is an earthquake and I can’t get back to L.A. for a week? What if our condo catches on fire and He-weasel only had time to get Lily and our wedding photos out? What if?
16. PhD fantasies. Whenever I go back to my grad school I take these with me.
17. Luna Bars and Smartwater. I am taking these as a defense against the siren call of the soda and M&M;’s that will undoubtedly beg me to release them from their cruel and inhumane captivity in the hotel vending machine.
18. A long black sweater. It gets cold in Santa Barbara. This sweater will make me feel both academic and warm.
19. Instant oatmeal that I can make in my room with hot water from the coffee machine. I assure you I will not be making coffee in that machine. Yuck!
20. Starbucks giftcards that I got at Christmas. I hate Starbucks but I don’t know where the Peet’s is in S.B.
21. Drugs: Thyroid meds; Ambien; Advil;Tylenol; Ativan; Immodium. I know, I am just going to Santa Barbara. But I like to be prepared for any physical malady.
22. Clothes to walk on the beach in. I likely won’t have time but in case I do I like to have the necessary ensemble.
23. My father complex. It is usually with me. It is with me even more when I find myself around genious men.
24. Altoid Mints, Listerine Breath Strips and gum. I find that whoever does the catering for these events likes to use garlic and onions. So after lunch I like to be prepared with enough breath freshening goodies to share with those who sit around me.
25. My copies of The Soul’s Code and We’ve had a hundred years of psychotherapy and the world is getting worse just in case I get the nerve to ask Hilly to sign them for me.