1. I am shopping for an office and I am not at all freaked out. Okay, I am a little freaked out that I will get an office and I will never get any referrals. And if I get referrals then I might feel stuck or trapped. I am also not thrilled about having to sublet office space as I am not really a roommate kind of gal— but I only want ten or so hours a week and that isn’t enough time to justify an office of my own. And what if I did get an office of my own and never got any referrals. Even with my “I won’t get any referrals” anxiety, I am still managing to shop for office space. I like shopping for an office, sort of. It reminds me that I really got my license and that if someone were to refer to me that I could have an office of my own.
2. Tonight we are going to a Domestic Adoption Orientation and I am not at all freaked out. Okay, so maybe I am a little freaked out. Maybe I am afraid we will be the oldest people there and that all the other couples will be younger, cuter, smarter and more attractive parents to any potential biological mother. Maybe I am afraid of signing the contract and giving them a check and then nothing will happen and we will never get a baby and maybe my heart will be broken again.
3.We have a Realtor. Let’s just stop there for a moment. Let me just take a breath. I am breathing in. I am breathing out. In…out…repeat as needed. Let’s begin again, I have a Realtor. We have a Realtor. And, I really don’t feel the anxiety that I have felt in the past when we were house hunting. The house hunting, “I have serious commitment issues” thingy is gone. Alright, alright….gone might be an overstatement. Significantly decreased is more accurate. I haven’t had any anxiety attacks as of yet and we have looked at least six houses. I really like our Realtor. She does this thing that no other Realtor has done, she listens. Strange, huh? And, I have even found a house I can imagine living in( see picture below). Isn’t it cute?
I think that I am accepting that we live in L.A. , or something close to acceptance, at least for today.
I am so excited for you. Please don't worry about the age thing. It doesn't matter. The most important thing is love.
The house is so cute and cozy. Just think of sitting on the porch and having cocktails. Maybe LA will keep sounding better if you know we have had weather in the teens and 30's have been the high for the last week. Coldest I ever remember.
I love the house! I could see MYSELF living there!
I'm happy to read that you are less anxious and more enthusiastic about new beginnings.
And I am sure your baby is coming. I believe there's a little soul out there, incarnating in another body but knowing that you and he-weasel are meant to be her parents.
Good luck with everything!
Oh I forgot! The first time I read your profile, I thought you lived in Valencia, Spain and wondered why you didn't like it …then I read again (my brain is sometimes too tired I guess hihihi)
Hi! I've been reading your blog for a while now, and just wanted to say how delighted and excited I am for you. I have 2 adopted children and it truly was the best thing we have ever done. They have brought us untold joy. The house is lovely too – a perfect home xx
Bon courage for the Adoption Orientation, don't freak out, they are not interested in young, cute, smart and attractive just the potential to be good parents and provide a loving home.
The house is adorable, I can picture you on the veranda sipping mint julips…..do they do that in California? Or is it just a Southern thing?
XX
What a wonderful house, lovely Belette. Lots of exciting changes in store for you. Go with the flow. Much love. xx
Wow, this is HUGE… even "something like" acceptance is a very big deal. Sounds like some really exciting stuff going on… thinking of you and sending more deep breaths your way!
OMG…LOVE that house! I think the office will be great for you, and I know you'll have more referrals than you can handle. Just think how much fun you'll have decorating your office…what kinds of therapy-esque decor will you go for? The house, I'm sure will be Weasel Modern.
So many HUGE steps! Congrats, beautiful. You are a total star.
I'm with Sal, these are HUGE steps. I am so very happy for you.
Ah yes, three very positive points indeed. I love the ideas represented by all of them and most of all I wish you what Lao Tzu said most elegantly:
I have just three things to teach:
simplicity, patience, compassion.
These three are your greatest treasures.
Simple in actions and in thoughts,
you return to the source of being.
Patient with both friends and enemies,
you accord with the way things are.
Compassionate toward yourself,
you reconcile all beings in the world.
Cute house. I can see living there so easily. It looks warm and inviting.
You are really leaping forward in giant steps. I always knew you had it in you. "Something like acceptance" is such a major major thing. Many happy encouraging thoughts coming your way.
The house looks lovely and its an arts and crafts style like my bungalow! An office sounds like an opportunity to be creative, a blank canvas waiting for your touch… and that special meeting….life is unfolding before your very eyes.
I love that house. Just as cute as you.
Wow, Belette…
Not a fortnight has passed since the beginning of the year and you are already so into it… I'm so happy for you…
You just made my morning, let me tell you…
XXX
That house is DARLING. I wish I could see the inside. I love bungalows. I want one. Good luck and remember BREATHE!
Looks like a darling house. You have three significant items on your plate–savour and enjoy!
Dear LBR,
1. My hat to anyone who starts their own business; I wish I had those talents. And if no patients come, I will come to start you off. : )
2. The other potential parents may be younger but not smarter. Somehow I know that.
3. Nice digs Madame…hope it is the one with your name on it.
Have a great Wednesday!
xox
That house is perfect for you! It's exactly what I imagine in my mind's eye. And you'd be nuts to be only sanguine without a hint of nerves over these new steps you are taking. I like to think of nerves as the catalyst – the little spark – to get you where you need to go. You will be a successful therapist, I am sure. You will not be the oldest person in the adoption meeting room – or at least you won't look like the oldest, I know! And you will find a gorgeous house suitable for the life you are leading.
Optimism is very powerful, B.
close to acceptance, at least for today…
I so know how that feels. Especially when so many things are changing and you can't help looking back and thinking, please, no more heartbreaks, no more disappointments. But like Carol Anne said, go with the flow, or trust in the flow. It really does seems to be on your side. Trust it, xoxo
Julianne: Today is the day. I feel both calm and nervous. Funny, huh?
If it would stay in the low 60's here all year long, then I would never complain.
Marcela: Isn't it cute? As soon as I saw it I could imagine myself there( mustn't let the sellers know this;-).
LOL!!! I have been to Valencia, Spain and let me tell you I would LOVE to live there. It is gorgeous!!!!!
Taz: Thank you so much!!! I really apreciate your comment. I am so happy for your joy. It gives me hope to hear happy adoption stores.
Dash:It is the birth mothers I am worried about. I am afraid that they are soooo young that I will seem so old.
If we get that house I will definitely learn to make mint julips and/or mojitos.
Carol Anne: I keep breathing and acting and moving forward and see where it takes me.
Irene: It feels like wow to me. I feel in a constant state of shock. The breathing helps!
Deja Pseu: Cute, huh? One of the things I hate about living in a tiny condo is that my desire to decorate has been squashed. I look forward to making a home and an office. Modern weasel for the office. Classic weasel for the bungalow.;-)
Sal: Thank you!!!!:-)
Belle de Ville: That I am even open to it feels huge. The actualization of these steps into fulfillment is almost more than I can imagine.
susan:simplicity, patience, compassion may be my code words during this time. Thank you, Susan! Also, if Crow could pull some strings, that would be great. I know he is a man with connections.
Mardel: Even in not pushing to say that I am at acceptance when I am not quite there, that feels like acceptance of where I am and that, I think, is what gave me to freedom to step towards these things.
hostess of the humble bungalow: The area where this house is is called "Bungalow Heaven". Nice, huh? I thought you would like it.
LPC: Well, I love you for saying that.:-)
Lena: I am taking 2010 and making it mine. Take that 2010!!!;-) I know you are doing the same. I can just feel it.
Linda: When I visit the house I will take some snaps and post them. Yes, I am going to keep breathing. Really, I need the reminder. I hold my breath far too much.
Miss Cavendish: I can use some sorbet between the courses. I want this meal to last!
MrsLittleJeans:
1. I would pay you to come and talk to me in my office.
2. Thank you!
3. It is such a cute area. Love it!
Thank you for making my Tuesday so lovely!!
Go you, go you, go you.
Acceptance=good but hard.
The house is adorable. Good news about all of the other plans as well!
Miss J seriously doubts you will be the oldest people at the adoption meeting. And if you are, so what? Will you not then potentially be the wisest, the most experienced at living?
Acceptance is great, La B. congrats on a big step.
K.Line:Isn't it cute!!!! I think having all this going at once is making my nerves more manageable. The nerves are going to another place. I will write about that soon. Optimism is not usually my way. I usually, as you know,am more of a realist( somewhat pessimistic).
Cheryl: I am afraid that the heartbreak is around the corner. But, I am just trying to breath and move forward and then I will deal with the heartbreak when and if it comes.;-)
The Storialist: Acceptance is much harder than it looks. Fighting what is, is not as hard as it appears.;-)
Miss Janey: The house is just one town away from you. We are even looking in your neck of the woods.
I hope Miss Janey is right about the age thing. My worst fears are not always right. I think this is one of those times where I will be proved wrong.
1. You could go online with your virtual couch and your virtual Freudian glasses.
2. So what if they're younger? Young people don't know jack.
3. That house reminds me of Frank Black's on season two of Millennium, thus, 'tis a cool abode.
belle Belette, many gorgeous things are looking you in the face. quite scarey huh? i can imagine. breathe and go slow (thich nhat hanh). take your time and have fun…
you deserve good things. know that.
hugs!!
good morning.
you've a full plate right now. house…where's it at (pasadena, long beach)? call me curious.
congrats on looking for office space…its a good thing
and, the adoption orientation…wonderful news. i think adoption is the best. you are selecting someone (with all your heart and soul) to become part of your family … such a special special thing to be wanted that much and of course to be loved equally. it's a good thing. if i am rambling…alas.
You are amazing. The house is adorable. I can just picture you and He Weasel with cocktails while Lily sits barking happily at kids riding their bikes past.
Good luck with finding an office that works for you. I am positive you will get plenty of clients!
I am keeping you in my thoughts about the adoption thing. It's something we are terrified of too, only different. For us it's more about will these people think we're crazy young kids and wonder why we want to adopt? It can take forever here in Baltimore to just become a foster parent, and quite frankly it has scared me off of it a bit.
I am completely positive that there is a child (or two? perhaps?) out there waiting for you and your He Weasel. You just have to keep breathing and remembering why you are doing this. Don't let the crap get to you, you have a goal, and you are going to be an amazing mother!
Is there any chance to have a home office for starters? So many big and wonderful things happening in your life per moment! I for one have visited therapists at their home and in a separate office rooms. No traumas .
Lord but you have a pretty house.
I can reassure you that if your domestic adoption orientation is anything like the one I went to for my first adoption you will be FAR from the oldest ones there. When I adopted, no one *young* was adopting.
And it's gonna be wonderful
I'll be a client! All I need is a contract to make a film in Hollywood and you'll be my shrink!
Hope meeting goes well – it is always weird attending group gatherings particularly on heartfelt matters.
It is a cute house xx
Randal:
1. Brilliant. Office-shmoffice.;-)
2. It is the young mother's who decide where the baby goes and that is what scares me.
3. Millenium? Is that a show about how long the football season lasts?
l'air du temps: Did you know that I was quoting thich nhat hanh? YOu are brilliant.
The Good Life in Virginia: It is in Pasadena.
I am excited and nervous! So much going on. I feel on the verge of a new life.
The house looks gorgeous – it really does – and if you can imagine yourself somewhere that is half the battle won!
You will probably get so many referrals you will be rushed off your feet soon! Find that office – Fast.
And I am sure you will NOT be the oldest in the room at the adoption meeting, by a long shot. And, any biological mother could not wish for a better 'forever mother' than you are going to make LBR, I just know it! x
I am so very happy for you La Belle…this year will be yours, xv.
Kalee : I love the picture you painted. It sounds so nice!
I have a couple of options option for office space, but I am still shopping.
The Foster system here is very fast. I wonder why it is so slow there. That is too bad. Adoption is slower than foster, that is for sure.
Thank you so much for all your encouragement. The same is true for you. You and your husband will be amazing parents. Any child would be so lucky to have you!
metscan: Lily is part of my reason that I am reticent about a home office. That said, most of the homes we are looking at have home offices outside of the house. THat really would be nice to not have to commute.
Kim: I wish it was our house. Keep your fingers crossed for us!
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. IT is a real comfort! It is so nice to learn from others who have been through this. Really, THANK YOU!!!
Make Do Style: But if I were your shrink then I couldn't be your pal. I would rather be your pal than your shrink! Just refer all your industry friends to me. That would be great!;-)
I am not a group person so this kind of event could easily get me ratcheted up. I feel mild ennui today but I think that is bound to be. So much up in the air.
Thanks! I think it is adorable. I can't wait to see the inside.
Semi Expat: I wish you could be my realtor!
Thank you so much for your encouragement. I started to feel a little doubt about me going into private practice now—but your encouragement helps.
I love the term "Forever Mother". My heart is smiling just thinking of it.
Vicki: Thank you!!! I so hope you are right.:-)
Almost nearly not freaked out then! progress indeed.
WOW…more WOW
1. If you "build" it, they will come…. (From one of my all time favorite movies….)
2. Keep breathing.
3. How CUTE!!!! I LOVE it!!!!
(Good things are coming to those who wait….)
Is an office in that house a big professional no-no? Doesn't the guy in the HBO show 'treatment' have a home office? My therapist practiced from her house and it was lovely.
goodness dear belette, i don't know how you keep up with *43* comments and then some more…?? but it would be nice too..
this is a wonderful post, just bursting with positive things, offices, houses, adoptions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, i simply cannot wait to sit back and just watch your life move in a new direction! it's so wonderful after so much suffering in the past….YAY for you and heweasel and i hope that house is yours, it's very cute and of course, any pregnant woman looking at adoptive parents is going to go for the more mature and successful couple, you have no worries….none at all. just keep breathing!
xoxoxo
Wow! So much going on! I'm crossing my fingers for you and wishing you all kinds of happy thoughts — and I'm thinking that little porch could be a good spot for the reciprocal visit to the one on my sundeck
Oh. My. Gawd!
Any ONE of the items on the list would have be running for Klonapin (generic, of course).
Chrysler! Hip! Hip! Hooray!
Eyes on the prize. If I may say so, don't think about choosers, think about a little person needing a bath and a story. Eyes on the prize. One step at a time. Breathe in, breathe out.
From my perspective, you only need one husband, one house, one office, and one little person, to start with, one step at a time.
Congratulations on keeping all those plates up twirling on the end of those skinny sticks. I'm quite in awe! And I'm happy for you.
If only I made such great strides! Congrats on all your work to get to this point.
…it's going to be a GRAND 2010…for YOU…breathe it IN…
That house looks divine. And office space? wow, don't underestimate the need for therapy, you are are in the right city and hell, if I lived closer I would probably give you a whirl my self!
Point 1 – extremely unlikely.
Point 2 – they won't be – cuter, smarter etc;
xxx
I haven't read your blog in a while and I've missed your wonderful writing. One of my colleagues was on an adoption list for 2 years. Then, on Friday, he and his wife got a call and by Monday, they had the baby. Shortest pregnancy ever. The birth mother was from Mexico and dad/baby spent their first night together watching Spanish language tv.
Bungalow Heaven is in Pasadena! I've been there and I love it. We called it our Pasadena Pilgrimage.
Check out my early posts and you can read all about going to see Gamble House (private tour by Ted Bosley) and meeting Dr. Robert Winter of Bungalow Bob fame, he lives by the Arroyo…I have tons of books on the arts an crafts movement if you need any info let me know.
I'm excited for you!
Hi La Belette, I hope you and He-weasel receive all that you hope for this year. I love the house (real character) and I wish you a sucessful and rewarding career. I have adored reading your blog and I can't tell you how much I hope you receive the little one you so hope for.
I will not be commenting on any blogs after today as I just seem to be screwing up. Last year I made a comment on the Belgium Waffle blog (not an insult or flaming, just unintentionally insensitive) and more recently on the same blog I made a comment about "getting off my head" (forgetting that Emma's mother passed in a car accident). I tried to apologise on her blog yesterday about making these two comments. Unfortunately my apology backfired.
Stay well sweetie and best wishes to you He-weasel and Lily, ALWAYS, love Chitty Chat.
I totally understand your feelings about committing to the office (feel the same whenever I buy anything) but also that they should not and will not hold you back. Such great progress and you sound so happy!
LOVE the house. Cozy cottage California style. Love it.
That house is adorable, and I am just metaphorically jumping up and down and turning backflips that you're so brave about going to the adoption orientation. If it doesn't work out, you won't be any worse off than now, right? You're such a strong woman. You grow. That takes a lot of something….xo
Changes, such changes….and all positive and very exciting. You're smart to do the office-share thing with the amount of hours you intend to begin with. You WILL have referrals.
The house is perfect. Perfect.
My husband and I went through adoption classes here ten years ago, with the intent of adopting an older child. Long story, but we changed our minds the day before our home visit was scheduled. If I'd been younger (than 50!)it would have been a done deal, and I would probably have wanted a younger child in that case.
I think birth mothers will look at you and tell their case workers that it is you they choose…
WOW – that Igor is a genius – shopping for a house? Getting an office? Looking at adoption? All things that made you have panic attacks.
Good luck – that house is way cute! Lily would love it I'm sure.
xxpbc
The house is gorgeous, and you will have your baby. Everything is aligned perfectly for 2010 to be the best year yet. You'll see! Blessings and hugs!
I completely understand your fears about getting an office. Beyond the logistics of referrals, I think the symbolic value of putting money down on one's work, especially as women, creates a worth crisis.
I hope you take the plunge. Glad I read this today. Needed it!
Lovely home! Try not to fret too much. This is an exciting time – enjoy it! Good luck with everything!
Thrilled. xoxoxo
i LOVE that little house.
The house looks adorable. Like a real home. I am sending all best wishes your way.
If you are having a birth mother place the baby directly with you, then you are definitely a top choice. The "young ones" look for parents that look like they have it together, can afford the baby, and will be able to be devoted to it; something that the young birth moms rarely have going for themselves.
If you are going through the county (as I did) then you'd be really really surprised at the ages of the moms. My first son's mother was 3 years younger than me (not that big of a difference) and the mom of my second and third (they are half-siblings) is 8 years older than me!
Don't sweat it. You're wonderful and they'll know it
I'm excited for you, too! So many positive changes–it's a good thing.
We have parents in our adoption group that range in age from late 20's to mid 50's. Birth moms are just looking for love and for stability. It will happen!
late to the party, but go you!
I'm so glad you're venturing into acceptance now, La Bel. Now you can begin to really enjoy things.
I'm so happy for you!
That house is SO adorable!
This seems to be the good kind of acceptance! Positive acceptance!
… and yes, the house looks really nice!
Did I mention that I LOVE that house?
YUM.
So excited for you…
XO
Anna
WOW! So much is going on with YOU!!! I hope is ALL works out FABULOUS!!!!
You have so many exciting things going on in your life… I am thrilled for you!
Hi Belette, Just read about extramely bad weather and terrible flooding in LA. Hope you and He-weasel (and Lily of course) are all fine. Wish you all the best. Ciao. Antonella
Another disappearing act? Have you been possessed by Houdini's ghost?
I do hope your taking this acceptance step by step. Good luck on your new life.
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I love the house posted, it looks so warm and very friendly environment. I like it.
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so, it's getting on to mid-february and still no updates… much concerned about all weasles… please post that you are alive and at least relatively well. otherweise, we shall have to send Deja Pseu out after you.
I know what you feel, Tracey. Relax and take it easy. Everything will be fine. No one’s “too old” or “too young” in being interested in going to a Domestic Adoption Orientation. The important thing is, you want to take part of it.. and the fact that you’re interested in adopting is purely remarkable. And as for the house, it looks very comfy! I’m very excited for you!