I am, as one would be in my shoes, a little hesitant to discuss my happiness. My fear, because of my history, both recent and ancient, makes my hypervigilant about not saying in too loud of voice that I am happy as I fear as soon as I say it my happiness will be taken from me. It has happened. My mother is especially gifted at taking any good thing that happens to me and turn it into an occasion of grief. She will remind me how short lived happiness is and that this good thing isn’t as good as it could be and that in fact it really isn’t that good anyways. Or, if she is in a different kind of mood she will envy the good thing and ask how it can benefit her. Either way the happiness is taken and I am left feeling worse than I did before the good thing arrived.
There have been other happinesses that have been taken from me by no fault of my own and no fault of my mother. Fate, dumb luck, or bad luck have on occasion taken the happy out of my hands before I had time to even notice that I was happy. Not this time.
Thanks to Igor and to my hard work, I have somehow moved from sort of happy, mildly hedonic and happy-ish into full blown happy. I only came to that conclusion yesterday when in my session with Igor I did a little review of my accomplishments in our almost one year together and I felt truly proud of myself. I had survived a year in L.A. I am no longer depressed. I am no longer on Vitamin W. I have managed to end friendships with bird friends. I have established healthy boundaries with my mother. I have completed two book proposals. I just finished Chapter One of Thursdays with Igor. Chapter Two is almost finished. By next week the proposal for Thursday with Igor will be ready to submit. After I shared all my successes with Igor I felt strangely self-satisfied, “That’s a lot for a year” I said in an uncharacteristic tone of glee. Igor agreed in a tone that communicated that he too was celebrating my success and his.
I left Igor’s office floating on Cloud Seven( only two clouds away from 9) and thought the strangest thing, “I am living in Valencia and I am happy.” If that doesn’t sound like a huge accomplishment to you that means you have never been in Valencia. As I drove home I thought of even more things I have accomplished this year: I have the best hair I have ever had ( thank you, Hair Angel). I got my darling dog-aughter. I have trained her to do many amazing and impressive tricks. I managed to maintain the blog during some really difficult times. My joy grew to the point that I realized a celebration was in order.
I stopped at Whole Foods and bought a bottle of champagne, two ridiculously expensive steaks and I came home and made a cake. I felt so good that I even wanted to work out. Weird, huh? I wish you were here to celebrate as I know that you, dear reader, have played a large part in all of this. I feel sure I wouldn’t have managed all of this without you. Thank you for your support, encouragement, and for being here. Your presence makes a difference in my life and for that I thank you. Since I can’t give you any cake or champagne I give you Lily.
In your honour Lily does her celebratory dance of joy. Care to join her?
.http://www.blogger.com/img/videoplayer.swf?videoUrl=http%3A%2F%2Fv15.nonxt2.googlevideo.com%2Fvideoplayback%3Fid%3D86dd1af401414976%26itag%3D5%26begin%3D0%26len%3D86400000%26app%3Dblogger%26et%3Dplay%26el%3DEMBEDDED%26ip%3D0.0.0.0%26ipbits%3D0%26expire%3D1277649179%26sparams%3Did%252Citag%252Cip%252Cipbits%252Cexpire%26signature%3D862C91769A56D36DE9CEA41FB74A10FCB91B402B.40CBE70272F8FFFE47B74D45C10F7BBA5C6E0F18%26key%3Dck1&thumbnailUrl=http%3A%2F%2Fvideo.google.com%2FThumbnailServer2%3Fapp%3Dblogger%26contentid%3D86dd1af401414976%26offsetms%3D5000%26itag%3Dw320%26sigh%3DsqTX55DSAucN093S2Lc6cagOMos&messagesUrl=video.google.com%2FFlashUiStrings.xlb%3Fframe%3Dflashstrings%26hl%3Den&nogvlm=1
Thank you for the dance and for your comment. I am happy to have find you because you have many interesting thoughts in your writing. I'll be back for sure.
That is soooo cute. I am happy for you. In reading your blog I was always amazed that along with the trials and tribulations, you had a lot of good. I am finally glad your scale tipped to the other side! You deserve it.
BEST POST EVER!PERIOD.
This has totally made my sucktacular week better. I am so happy for you.
I *really* get the happiness only to have it taken away thing.
You sound like you are well on your way. I am proud of you and your accomplishments and your happiness.
I'm so glad you are on chapter 2 of your book. I can't wait to read it.
….and one last thing, that video of Lily….adorable. I loved it.
Ma chère LBRouge,
I, too, am thrilled that you decided to tempt the fates by owning up to your own hard-earned, deeply felt, greatly merited happiness! And, don't you worry, I will find my own cake and champagne with which to celebrate your many milestones of the past year! To paraphrase Winston Churchill, "If you're going through happiness, enjoy it to the fullest!"
Lily is just too cute…
I know that feeling of fearing to say that things are well and that is happiness and it just desapear, ma belle.
But you've achieved so many things in this difficult times you've been trough that you must celebrate for sure.
I raise my champagne flute and I salute you, lovely you.
Big hug, all the best, take care and have a nice weekend
xoxo
You GO GIRL!!!!!
I am so very happy for you, too!!!
(I think I need Igor.)
Keep up the great work!!!!!
Congratulations, my friend! How wonderful!
How is it that one can be ridiculously happy for someone known only through their blog? I have no idea but I am. Kudos to you for your hard work and hurray for happiness. And of course this is stating the obvious but Lily is adorable.
Woo Hoo Belette!! Proud of you girl! Just KEEP doing what your doing and you'll be over on # 9 before you know it!
Hooray for Happy!!! If you can be happy in Valencia even in this heat, you deserve a thousand Lily dances. (Which, BTW…TOO FREEKING CUTE!!! EEEEE!!!)
Awww, ain't she cute!
So glad that you're happy – what a breakthrough for you!
So have you come to any conclusions about what home is to you?
Also thanks so much for the pbc recipe – I'm going to get some muffin cases tomorrow and give them a red hot go!
This post made my day. Seriously.
So happy that you're happy. Can't wait to buy your book and help make you rich!
Yay, gorgeous Belette and lovely Lily! I'm so very happy for you. I feel your positive vibes flying through the ether and your happiness has made my day. I'll raise my glass tonight to your continued good health and happiness. All you ever need is just right there inside you. Much love. xx
Yay for you! I am quite possibly on the verge of great happiness myself but because of history I am hesitant to embrace the happiness, so I totally get where you are coming from.
And yet, when these moments come, how can we not fall into them and revel in the joy?
Revel, baby, revel!
Wait…so you shared the champagne with a tutu clad West Highland White, and not ME???
xoxoxo
Cos…y'know…I can tell that girl's been drinkin'……
Best post I've ever read! Yay!!!!
I am so happy that you are happy! This post leaves me glowing and ready for a day (that didn't start off so good), so thank you for it. And thank you to Lily, too – the tutu and the twirling are adorable and made me smile big!
Enjoy the happiness – you deserve every second of it!
Whole Foods for a bottle of champagne and two ridiculously expensive steaks. Now my Friday night plans are made!
This sounds fab!
Joyeux bonheur….mark this day and commemorate it over the years. How wonderful, and how wonderful to be able to write it without reserve.
I am a fairly newcomer to your blog, and as such your life. Yet, I feel that you are one of those true and rare individuals one seldom has the good fortune to meet. And so, your happiness is mine. That you are feeling so, brought tears to my eyes… Enjoy it friend. Revel in it. You rightly deserve it!
Yes, we learn that happiness is fleeting. So FLEET away and enjoy this. You have earned it. Every second of it. A therapist friend of mine when she was in her late 60s, "You girls these days want happy all the time. Learn to enjoy contentment and when it comes a few minutes of perfect joy." Took a while to grow up to that. Understand now. To contentment, with joy lurking at every corner!
This post filled my heart with joy. I'm so happy for you!
The dance of joy? I didn't know your dog came from Pylea.
Guess I'm the only one here that watched that show.
Since you're happy, should I be frightened, and does my potential frightened-ness do anything to negate your happiness, 'cause that would not make me happy, riddles and enigmas, your book is going to be a supreme read.
That darling Lily is one cool little dancer…La Belle I wish you a very happy (a constantly happy) weekend, xv.
Yeah… We are happy for you and with you! I too find my happiest moments in overcoming difficulties, completing difficult tasks, company of loved ones and lovely ones… And your little girl can dance, she must be the envy of all other girl dogs in your neighborhood!
Bask in the feeling LBR, you have done it yourself through hard work!
xoxo
To celebrate your happiness I will also perform a dance in the kitchen whilst wearing a pink tutu. I don't have champagne but I will raise a glass of wine to you later this evening – with love, nSm x
Yay! I am happy that you are happy
Lily is so cute. My dog has the miraculous power of bringing me out of the foulest of moods… they are such magical creatures!
I used to have the same mindset problem (afraid to be happy for fear that something terrible is around the corner) but then I adopted the Zen /existential way of thinking and now I am honestly OK with whatever happens to me. I can handle it. Bring it on! I have finally come to a place where I am inherently happy from the inside out. May your happiness always remain! xo
Yay, glad you have found a piece of the happiness pie and am definitely glad you have developed healthy boundaries with your mother…she sounds like a nightmare…
much love!
Your post made me smile!!! Yay LBR!!!!
How cute is Lily? Adorable. Scarlett would destroy a tutu….I tried a sweater on her once and it was traumatic.
What a baby-dog…love that Lily.
This is definitely a hard won stage of happiness, worth steaks and champagne and a cake at least. And maybe a shopping spree? As someone who has 'known' you for a while, though we have never seen each other face to face, I've witnessed you go through some really painful periods. At times I almost believed you when you said you would never be happy, that good things would never happen to you. And I would think, hmm, what comforting, encouraging words could I say? Well, all this is your work!!! Though I'm glad our support was in any way helpful. A part of you always knew this was possible, that you had more to offer your readers than brilliant and funny writing. But genuine hope, a light at the end of the tunnel. Not that I assume this is the new Belette. I think living a full life means experiencing everything. But anyway, that was rather a long winded way of saying – YOU GO GIRL!!!!
Happiness — revel in it! Though it sounds as if you already are, which is wonderful. Lily is a cutie, too.
*squeak* lovins for Lily! lots 'n lots of them!
and…
lots 'n lots of lovins for you. I am proud of you. I really really am. You worked hard, and you got to reap the benefits.
Love love love the dance!! I wish I was there to drink champagne and eat steak with you. I'm feeling very happy because of it all – you happiness is delightful and intoxicating plus having a peek at he-weasels socks and tie was very exciting!! xxx
Looking at Lilly how can one not BE happy! She is so cute and can dance so much better than I.
If a man speaks or acts with a pure thought, happiness follows him, like a shadow that never leaves him.
the Buddha
See? You're in very good company
Woo hoo -sounds like you are doing well
wow! your words feel so good to read. i think i know what you mean about the fear and all… but little by little we get stronger and this is a big part of the happiness. i am inspired!! and you remind me so much of the importance for us to see and acknowledge and celebrate!! accomplishments.
Brava!
Cheers!
Have fun!
bisous
lily is beyond cute…she needs to be in movies!! I was grinning from ear to ear and that's saying something for the past few weeks[flu hell]!
I am thrilled you are owning your "happy"… keep it and don't let loose for anything!
xoxoxoxoxoxo — enjoy that cake and champagne too
OMG, Lily is the most graceful prima ballerina ever. Love the classical music accompanying her as well. Just precious. Thanks for the gift!
Now I must do the dance of joy. It consists of a lot of arm waving and very little else. Maybe some swaying.
Needless to say – I am so very very happy for you!!! I raise my cup of coffee to you.
Awww – the tutu. That is soooo sweet!! And I am so pleased and happy for you too. You deserve to be happy. Well done – you have worked hard for that.
omg, I'd love to see our two Lilies together in a paw de two! I love hearing people humbly and sincerely toot their own horn. You should be very proud of yourself in the best imaginable way.
Lily is marvellous, thanks for posting the video! And I'm so glad you feel happy. Enjoy! Have a great weekend. Ciao.A.
That's just adorable!
Reading this makes me so happy for you! And the dance is adorable.
Just stay happy! It sounds like champagne every day now then!
Paw de Two is so adorable i can't stand it! And I am thrilled for you. What a creative time you are having. xo
Now that was a genuinely happy sounding bit of joy you've shared. Encouraging and contagious! Have a lovely weekend!
Belette, I am thrilled to hear your news and send many warm thoughts your way. Two book proposals…girlfriend, you have been busy and I'm impressed.
Your hard work has paid off in so many ways. Keep it up.
Oh, Lily. We are cooing and gushing in Montana.
Well! That is a dear video. So happy that you are happy!
I do envy your hair fairy. The Lily fairy looks cute too. My mutt would have shredded the tutu, he would probably like a nice butch studded waistcoat instead.
It is good to be in a happy place, I do think blogging helps us measure the positives, as once written down they seem more concrete and less ephemeral.
Congratulations ! You deserve to be happy !
Your jubilant post made my day! Wonderful news, and a most wonderful doggie dance. She is beyond precious (but then you knew that).
Ohh..she's so sweet your Lily!
Happy Days!
xox
Martha
Yay!
You should frame this post alongside your darkest, most melancholy. Then entitle it 'Hope'.
That's how it made me feel. xx
I have to agree….BEST POST EVER!!!!!
I am so glad you are happy, really happy but what about poor old Lily in the tutu? That is why I don't visit your blog very often (gotta be honest here – I'm sure Igor would admire me) – I find it too upsetting.
Now of course I feel a bit rotten that you might be hurt, but if I can make people realise that dogs are not made to wear clothes – they have fur and will be hot – then I have to do it.
Yay! You have made a ton of progress in the time I've been reading your blog, and deserve to be happy. WE ALL deserve to be happy, and so-called friends, relatives etc. have no right to interfere (though of course they do). Lily is adorable – I live around the corner from a Westie pup and think of Lily every time I see it merrily tearing around the yard, wagging its wee tail (and barking).
I'm so happy FOR you! Yay for happiness!!! Good things will continue to happen for you, I just know it
Ooooh my!!!! ADORABLE… Lily has learned so much in ballet class… I'm soooo impressed!!! Here tutu is FABULOUS too! Sooooo GLAD To hear you are HAPPY!!! Ooooh la la… champagne and steak to celebrate… ENJOY!!!!
Fifi