I am always mindful of how Igor will find me when I am sitting in his waiting room and waiting for him to finish whatever he does before I arrive. My usual waiting activities are: check my lip gloss; check my email; look at his ugly assortment of artwork and wonder what he was thinking; peruse his magazines and tell myself I should read one of his Time Magazines as it will make him think I am smarter but instead I pick up his August 2008 copy of Travel and Leisure that I have flipped through over 20 times. When the time is getting close for my appointment I get in place. I turn my cell phone off. I put my handbag in my right hand and I prepare to jump up on his arrival. I always hope and never manage to hop up before he enters the room. I should give up this goal but each and every session I try and fail to beat him in this one sided game that he always wins.
Last Thursday I did not do any of those things and I feel sure he noticed. When I arrived I took out the book I was reading, “On Moving” by Louise DeSalvo and I was so engrossed that I did none of my usual activities. I even forgot to turn my cell phone off and so a message came in and when Igor came in the room to invite me into his inner sanctum I was on the phone with a book on my lap and my handbag nowhere ready for easy access.
When I was seated on his big leather couch that has deteriorated from holding heavy issues, the weight of denial and decay that comes from being sat on for 30 hours a week, Igor did not ask me how I was or how the traffic was or even why I was not in my usual state of ready in his waiting room but instead he asked me what book I was reading. I told him the title and the subtitle, A Writer’s Meditation on New Houses, Old Haunts, and Finding Home Again, because I wanted him to know that this was not a how-to book on moving.
“Right now I am reading about Freud’s move from Vienna to London.” I told him so he didn’t think it was a book filled with charming antidotes about the moves of Danielle Steele, Dan Brown and James Patterson. The message I was trying to send was, ‘I am smart and deep. And, even Freud suffered because of his move from Vienna to London, i.e. take my suffering seriously.’
“So, are you preparing to move?” Igor asked oozing with hope.
“No.” I said firmly in a moment of momentary sadism. “Why, do you think I should?”
We quickly moved on and went through a dream about my half-brother’s half-brother. No surprise, Igor thought the dream was all about my mother. We did other work but we ended up back talking about home and my mother
“I think you need a house, a large space. A home with space is one of the best defenses against your mother, that and living.”
“Do you have a side business? Are you a realtor? Do you have a home that you think I should see?”
Igor laughed his laugh. It is a laugh filled with an accent from a country I am not even sure exists anymore and with an abandonment that comes from having enormous self-confidence and a genuine joie de vivre.
“No, but I wish I did.” More laughter.
Igor composed himself, “But you do need space”.
“How big?….six bedrooms?” I joked.
“If you can afford it.” He said completely devoid of hyperbole.
“But, we had four bedrooms, two baths, and about 2000 square feet in Chicago and that felt too much. It made the house seem empty and made the absence of a child feel even greater.”
“That,” Igor said with out a hint of irony, “was then and this is now.”
He has said this before. It is not a new theme. Igor and He-weasel both think that my living in such a small condo is not good for me. Igor argues that the nature of my relationship with my mother is not to have my own internal or external space. He-weasel thinks that being in such a small place makes me feel like I am back home in my childhood room. I sometimes feel they are in cahoots on this issue( I love it when I can use the word cahoots. It is one of my favorite ‘c’ words along with cattywampus and chicanery).
Igor has made this argument before with less directness and less effect. Strangely, for reasons totally unclear to me, I decided he was right and that we need to get really serious about looking for a house. Igor, He-weasel and likely even you know that I don’t plan on living in L.A. forever but our lease is up in two months and we are going to have to move again. Wherever we will move will not be forever but just because it won’t be forever doesn’t mean that it can’t be okay for now. Do you like my unbridled enthusiasm about my search for a home in L.A.?
It has been four days since seeing Igor and three and a half days since I finished the book and I am still feeling like he may be right. Perhaps he is wrong about needing six bedrooms but he is right about the space. With DeSalvo’s book in hand I feel like I can survive another move, make sense of the last ones and maybe even get clear of what I really want in our new home instead of going into house hunting unconsciously( I will be writing a lot more about her brilliant book. This may be my favorite book of 2009 and I feel absolutely certain that DeSalvo wrote it just for me. La Francamericaine who told me about my favorite book of 2008 told me about this book and she too is quite convinced it was written just for her. I assure you, I will be writing about DeSalvo and her fantastic book and how it has moved me and what it has unearthed in me).
51 days until our lease is up and I am only slightly panicking. I would feel better if Igor was my realtor. I could look at houses while I lie on his couch. We could figure out what my resistance to houses with wood paneling is really about.
I too am fixated on moving, and we just finished renovating our house. I want to build a house modeled after Sarah Susanka’s style. Actually she lives nearby and would love her to be my architect.
I hope you find a house that makes you feel better. Our surroundings do influence us a lot more than we think! Thanks for the book recommendation, sounds like one I would like!
Why not try a slightly bigger place and see how that makes you feel?
And btw, can I join He-weasel’s fan club? If he hasn’t got one I’d be happy to start one for him. He is a gem, no wonder you’re still with him after 17 years. x
I moved a lot as a kid and wanted not to do that to my children…. however, looking back? I’m sure it helped make me the wonderful, gregarious, well-rounded person I am today! (Humble, too!)
My favorite c-word? Copascetic! (sp?)
Great post…. I wish for you a perfect, new, happy space…. Me? I can’t imagine moving. ever. again. I am lazy….
I think that you do need space, distance from your mother. If moving to a larger house does the trick, then-why not. Actually what I do think that Igor meant ( a wild guess ), is that you need time and a distance to work your relationship with your mother. Moving to a new flat gives you a chance to think about something else. I don´t know where your mother lives and how much you two communicate. Your mother probably won´t change, so I think that it is safer for you to do all the talking to her during your therapy.
I’m also going to be moving in the next few months and although I’m looking forward to it (I like our neighborhood but this space just isn’t working) I’m excited to find this book and read it – thank you for the recommendation! It sounds like a fantastic read and I’m in such a reading slump.
Big house can make you feel overwhelmingly alone, but they can also offer hope in the opportunity to fill them. To make a house a home.
And there is nothing wrong with abhorring wood paneling….it’s hideous, and even trying to make it seem country cute doesn’t really seem to work for most.
That’s such an interesting analysis. If I were Igor, I’d say you need to live someplace with lots of trees. Old trees, and green spaces. But a bigger house is an intruiging idea. More room to spread out, to make your own. Maybe you need to feel settled for a while just to rest your psyche, even if it is in LA.
Julianne: If you are wanting to move I cannot recommend this book enough. Profound insights in this book about what we are really after in a move. Soooooo good!
Now I must google Sarah Susanka to see the house you long for.:-)
notSupermum: Being in a one bedroom /one bath is a little on the cozy side. I think a 3 br/2 bath would feel like a castle at this point.
You, my friend, will make He-weasel’s day with your very kind comment.
He is a great guy and I am very lucky.
giggles: It is so interesting how moving or not moving as adults is often impacted by our childhood moving history.
Copasetic is a great ‘c’ word. I am also a big fan.:-)
Moving is hard. I know why you don’t want to do it again. I hate knowing that at least two moves are in my future. Hate it!!
metscan: He does say a lot that I need to feel at home with myself wherever I am—but he also is pushing for a literal home( I would prefer metaphoric).
My mother and I have reached the point where we are doing no talking and it is a huge relief, if slightly sad.
Sara: YOU WILL LOVE THIS BOOK!!!!!! It is a book all about writers moves. You are a writer and you are moving. It was written for you too.:-)
Mee too, me too, I’d like to join the He-weasel fun club!!! First because he’s such a lovely and great support to you, secondly because he’s Greek and I love Greeks! Anyway, I think Igor might be right. I’m sure that if you can find a house (probaly bigger) that you really like and that you can make your space, you will feel better. A house is very important in your life, apart from the location of course. Good luck with your searching. Big hugs. Ciao. A.
Kalee: When I read this book I will admit I thought of you and your move. I really think you would enjoy this book.
I did feel a eal emptiness in our last house and we really used only the family room and our bedroom. Every other room in our house was pretty much unused.
Cottage cheese stucco ceilings and wood ceilings I may never grow to love. Horrible!
Deja Pseu: You are good!!!Old growth trees are what I crave. I actually ache for trees. We were in Palos Verdes and Brentwood and I felt better just being near trees.
Antonella: OMG!! I fear He-weasel’s head is going to swell. You and notSupermum are tooo sweet. Love you both!
It would be nice to feel at home again. I haven’t felt that for a long time. Thanks for the luck. We are going to need it.
As a writer and someone who wants to move from the suburbs, I need to check out that book. And as a fellow anti-LA person, I need to bring up something from a previous post.
Igor said “you’re home wherever you are.”
And somewhere I heard “you take yourself with you wherever you go.”
I’m with you, girl, about dumping demons. But I think we end up learning how to ignore them or replace them. They never go away. We just learn to cope. And the energy we waste over them is, well, in retrospect, really sad.
So put your energy into your excellent writing.
I think you need to move where you can garden. My favorite plant is trees and I think I am growing an oxygen farm on our suburban 1/3 acre. It’s not about the number of rooms in a home, it’s that feeling that you can walk in the dark and know where you are. Rooms and books are metaphors and guides to our soul. Gardens (and trees) give us roots…and teach us to breathe and let go.
The size of your abode and its connection with your mother is fascinating, but nowhere near as wacky as the cahoots word, that is awesome!
But Igor’s belief that 6 bedrooms would be good (if doable) seems a bit over the top.
BTW, upon leaving TQM’s last night and starting the drive home I followed a man with the cutest little Lily-dog on his lap and thought of you.
Smiles,
tp
Good time to buy real estate at the moment! Maybe he’s also an investment advisor and realises that even if you have to sell in a few years you’ll make some money!
Bobbi: You are so right. Igor has been paralleling my mother to a Hydra. Cut one head off and she’ll grow seven more. So, yeah, best to deal with my demons here and now. No distance will free me from them.
Happily I can write about the demons so I get to deal with them and write at the same time.;-)
home before dark: I am a tree fanatic. I need them. I crave them. And, I hate any place that doesn’t have them. Any home we buy must have trees. That is a non-negotiable must have. To have roots and the ability to reach towards the sky; Trees are so smart!!!
thepreppyprincess: Cahoots is so good. Isn’t it? It sounds like a bunch of owls conspiring.
Six bedrooms is HUGELY over the top. I wonder what he would say if I found such a house and was planning on buying it.
Lily-dogs on laps are even better than a 6 bedroom home.:-)
Imogen: I try and remind myself that prices are going to go up and that this could be a brilliant investment for us. It helps a little.
I just read the linked reviews and may have to buy a copy myself. We too have moved a lot and I still miss the place with the balcony garden with hummingbirds and the way the light moved through the rooms. Now we’re contemplating a bigger move – one that will take us across a border and I’m still not sure what I’m looking for whether east or west, city or countryside. Sometimes it seems best when the decisions are made for us and we accomodate but more often life isn’t like that.
I love what Igor said “That was then, this is now.” That is so perfect and so simple. Why do we as women have to ruminate and fantasize how things were. We judge people and ourselves from what “used to be”. We change, people change hell the world has changed. Nothing is what it was. Every day we wake up and it is a new opportunity to make our life what we want it to be. This is my mantra “That was then, this is now.”
I think the new house is so you can do what Voltaire said and to “tend your own garden”. You could concentrate on decorating the home and planting your own garden! You could build a locked bin you no one would steal your UPS packages. I’m excited for you and your new home.
Linda: I have such trouble with “That was then, this is now.” I believe it and yet I don’t. If it was it always will be is what I tell myself and yet I KNOW that isn’t true. I do have to say that since I went blondish and I didn’t know how blond it was going to be and if my Hair Angel would have asked me if this blond would be okay I would have said ‘NO!!!!” it has made me more aware that I may not always be making choices that are for my best interest. Strange that hair colour could make me aware of that but it did. It turns out I can be wrong. And, maybe a house in L.A. is just what I need.( Deep breathing).
I have never wanted to garden but lately something is brewing there. I seem to be mesmerized by beautiful gardens. Yikes, more change!!!! And, I LOVE your lock box idea.
Susan: It is the most thought provoking book I have read in ages. LOVED it. I think you will too. I am particularly struck by the idea of with each hose we choose there is a fantasy of the kind of life we will have in it. It is so true. I can’t thank LFA for turning me on to this lovely book.
If you are in the midst of deciding I would highly recommend you get this book. I am also reading “Style Statement” it is helping me get even clearer on what I really want in a house and in my life.
I’m determined to throw “cattywampas” into a conversation today.
WendyB: I make a point of saying it at leastevery other day. It isn’t so hard as things regularly go cattywampas.
Moving can be traumatic at times and exciting at others- Heres to an upcoming exciting move for you and a house that will be “for the present” and not rival or threaten memories of the past or limit memories that will come in the future.
I think you should move. Thinking about it all is a nightmare but a “change of scenery” is always great. New things to explore etc. I have moved al ot and actually like the “being on the go feeling”. Therapists do not. xox
Paula: I just talked to the realtor and I feel a little excited about finding our temporary home. Thank you for your very lovely wishes.
So Lovely: At least I am settling where you are settled( for the moment). Now no running off. Please stay here for a while!!!!:-)
It must be the season for moving! My favorite C word right now is “concubine” since legally (in France) that is what I will be when me and the boy move in together in about 3 weeks. Much more exotic than “shacking up”, lol.
I think this space thing is a good idea, didn’t things get better moving to the bigger condo? So it’ll be like that X 10!
6 bedrooms is bigger that’s for sure. Not so sure I could make that leap, I think I would start a little bigger like maybe 4 bedrooms, but that is just me.
I hope you find a house that when you walk through the door for the first time you fall in love with. I wish you all the best.
I think more space might help. for me I like space. I like to wonder through my house. besides imagine more bedrooms mean more closet space. i have 2 guest rooms, a bed room which i turned into a closet and my room. just perfect.
Have you read Gaston Bachelard’s The Poetics of Space? It really gets at that connection between the spaces we’ve lived in (and want to live in) and the layers of our experiences. One of my favourite books.
building and moving into my own house, that is quite large for just US, was just perfect for me, who had never owned a house before….it helped me put down roots I felt I never had and lost along the way what shred had been left…
there is something about space that is healing when it is your own and something that is suffocating when it’s not…does that make sense?
xoxoxo
Home is where the heart is, and maybe beautiful Belette it is time to fill your heart with love and space that a true spacious home that you can fill and love will bring?
By staying small we are cocooning ourselves against something, hiding in the womb, perhaps, and maybe this is too reminiscent of our connections to the Belette Mere…
Seize this fresh, blowing wind of change, and plump for air and light to surround you, la Belette, paint the walls rouge with blond wood (perhaps, perhaps not), and breathe in the green outside – no communal stairs, no neighbours, just peace and positive energies.
Have a room that is just for writing, one for the wonderful He-Wooze to build his cave in, one with light for reading day and night, another for la Lily and at least one to sleep in a deux…
Just some random thoughts – Take care, love and light, Fhi xxx
Belette,
Trust me I understand. Sometimes the simplest of concepts are not easy. It’s like dieting…eat less exercise more…yikes it’s so hard to do! I like his words and they make me feel brave! Anyway, you know, of course nothing stays the same! People change, situations change, life changes, it’s how we face them that needs to change…n’est pas?
As for your garden plant a small worry and carefree herb garden!
There is still a house for sale on my street with 4 bedrooms…
Belette,
Call me frivolous… Every woman needs a boudoir!!!! So make it at least one more bedroom?
No, seriously… I wish you find a house that feels like home… because that is always the most important… to me at least…
Moving in L.A? It’s an addiction. With every move we feel closer to our dream.
I know how igor feels. We need you to buy a LA house to tie you down so we don’t lose you. What? You didn’t know this was really about him? and… me.
corine/ hidden in france
A yard is what you need, with flowers and grass and space for Lily to run. One nice thing about LA is eating dinner outside.
My husband and I were sitting outside last night and we were talking about house hunting. We remembered almost every house we looked at in Pasadena and how we could have lived happily in almost every one. Then we thought about Westlake/TO/Agoura. We like the weather, clean air and sense of space but otherwise every house we looked at, in every price range, was pretty depressing. The burbs.
The picture on this post reminds me of that strange Woody Allen movie. Is it “Sleepers??”
Andromeda: Hee-hee!! I love that you are a concubine.
I don’t think I have ever known one before.
You do remember right and I hope you are right. x10 would be fantastic.
TopSurf: I don’t care what Igor says, I cannot do 6 bedrooms.
Thank you! That is a lovely wish.
Savvy Mode: I would LOVE to have a closet of my own. Le sigh!!!
Mater: I haven’t;Thank you, I am adding it to my amazon cart. It sounds like an amazing book. Funny side note: We just found out yesterday that He-weasel’s mom is reclaiming her Canadian citizenship and so HW is eligible too. So, even though we aren’t moving to Canada he will have citizenship there. Hmmmm…maybe we can retire in Vancouver. Love it there.
Linda: I don’t think I could stand the stress of building our own home. Too much for me. I admire you doing it. It must be sooooo rewarding to build your home just the way you want.
I think we are in the suffocating phase. I look forward to the healing.
A Woman Of No Importance:You are so wise and so right. “staying small we are cocooning ourselves against something, hiding in the womb, perhaps, and maybe this is too reminiscent of our connections to the Belette Mere.” You are brilliant.
And, I love your very personalized design ideas and your room assignments.
Space, woman. We all need it. Mama needs it. As stressful as moving is, sometimes it turns out to feel like a fresh start, yes?
I think you need a new house with space. Space you fill with your life not space waiting for life to happen. I like the suggestions of a room for writing, for reading, for doing what you love.
I think hiding in your small space is much like not having faith that the good will come and stay. I need a new front yard that is open and welcoming just as I am becoming more open and growing out of the chaos and despair of the recent past (which is reflected in my front yard). You need to get out of your cave and fill your life and space with your own happiness.
6 rooms of your own!
I think that it’s not size but space you’re after. And you can do that in any beautifully appointed place that speaks to your spirit. Somehow I see you in a lovely, neat cottage surrounded by gorgeous landscaping of the whimsical and romantic variety. Roses, lavender, lilacs… Not big, just big enough to spark your imagination and give you something new to nurture.
And while you’re at it, please send me a ticket to come visit. I promise to help you garden.
Linda Hanselman:Knowing and applying often are miles apart. But, maybe today it would come easy for me—just because it didn’t before doesn’t mean it will always be that way.
I want mint, tomatoes, basil, lavender, and a lemon tree. Maybe a few flowers. That would be nice.
KT: Can you get He-weasel a really great job in your town? If so we’ll be right over.
Lena: 4 rooms should be plenty. I’d love 5 but I don’t think we could swing it price wise. L.A. is expensive.
Thank you for your very warm wish.
lakeviewer: I would get even closer to my dreams if we would move out of L.A.
corine: So, you too are in cahoots with Igor and he-weasel??;-)
Thanks for wanting me to stay. Any cute little 6 bedroom houses on sale for a song in your neck of the woods?
Leah: We take Lily to a field at a hotel every night so she can be in the grass. She LOVES grass. We do need a garden. We need a yard of our own. Did Virginia Wolf write a book about that?
It is Sleepers you are thinking of but the picture is not from Sleepers. I think it is from an article on minimalist architecture.
Fragrant Liar: We have moved 7 times in 2 years. We are beyond fresh start and into endurance sport.
Mardel: Ooooh, that is good. I need space to fill with my life and not life to happen. HUGE distinction.
You are on like a light switch. “hiding in your small space is much like not having faith that the good will come and stay… you need to get out of your cave and fill your life and space with your own happiness.” I am writing that in my journal.
I hope you create a front yard that matches your new openness.
K.Line : If we had six bedrooms there would be a dedicated K.line guest suite. I am going to give your comment to my realtor and see what she can find that matches your beautiful vision.
We get the house and you are absolutely coming out and helping us plan it—and we can do a little shopping and Gehry building visiting.
Yes Sleepers! The futuristic design and the stark landscape reminded me of that movie.
Wishing you trees, space, and a room of your own, dear B. Even one tree, and/or a relatively short term space that feels better than where you’ve been. Have you ever had a room all your own in one of these houses you’ve had recently? I have that, and I do think it’s really therapeutic. Somehow the physical four walls of a room of my own impress on my mind that I can build an emotional/psychic space of my own.
When I first rented the tiny downtown room in which I do my work, I left it unfurnished for about a month. It was just white walls, big window, tall ceilings, and a pile of blankets and pillows on which I’d go take naps, or read.
I would be a LUNATIC–or more of one!–if I didn’t have this room.
Will be thinking of you in your house hunt! I love that you got to go shopping with Imogen. ♥
You don’t need a giant house. A garden could be cool. Oh, and don’t forget an edger, I think it’s a federal law that everyone with a yard has to own an edger. And a leaf-blower. And a riding mower. I think that’s the key, a riding mower and a John Deer cap.
Leah: That mini-house does have a space pod like quality to it.
sallymandy:I have had a room of my own in 3 of the last 7 spaces we have been in and I did love 2 of them. The 3rd was too open and exposed and never felt like it belonged to me.
Virginia Woolf was so right. A room of one’s own is so very important. My weasel wants a garage of his own and I want a room of my own.
Your space sounds great. I LOVE that you give yourself that space.
Shopping with Imogen was fun. Got two tops and a pair of shoes. Fun!!
Randal: Have I told you my secret love of riding mowers? Seriously, I soooooo want one. Honest to goodness I really and truly want a John Deer hat and a John Deer leash for Lily. I am dead serious.
i’m excited! new beginnings for the new you! home is such an intersting idea for those of us who never really felt cared for. i hope you find a space with all that you need to feel well and remember that you are loved and cared for.
for me i think of lots of sunlight, warmth, off white decor…
it really is a jorney…
i hope you enjoy finding your new space!
Interesting how Igor equates one’s need for space with mother issues… I am trying to wrap my mind around that.
I am sending you lots of positive energy so you can find the perfect manse!
xoxox,
CC
Yaay Belette for the perfume! I only smelt a couple for the same reason as you.. it’s very easy to fall in love with Jo Malone scents.
Lots of luck for the move xxx
I hope you'll get a 2000 sq ft walk-in closet & I can visit & play dress up…alright-alright- Lilly can join us too…I'll bring the champagne dear!
Miss La B,
Time to move, plain and simple. A yard to sit in, and to play in with Lily, and a room of one’s own for writing. The perfect house is out there… a place to start fresh. Miss J hopes you find it.
Love your ‘c’ words! Howe about Chatanooga and Chihuahua?
I hope that the perfect place comes along, inlcuding someone to clean/maintain it…minus the wood panelling of course!
BTW: I am intrigued re the wood panelling. Will think about it more and get back to you!
l’air du temps: I am half excited and half nervous. I feel sure I will cycle between those feelings a lot. I have huge commitment issues and I am sure they will rear their ugly head as we get really serious about finding a home.
So far I know I want: trees, a yard, a view, a fireplace, hardwood floors, privacy, quiet and space.
Couture Carrie: It seems Igor believes that my relationship with my mother lacked space and so for me to have space is to have something other than I have known before.
Thanks for all the good energy, I need it.
xoxo
pretty face: I am going back next week and getting the orange blossom. I just LOVE it. I may even like it more than the fig. Shocking.
LENORENEVERMORE: If I had a 2000 Square foot closet that had chandeliers, a champagne cooler, and fainting sofas I think I would be very happy indeed. Lily and I would love you to come over and play dress up.
Miss Janey: We have a few houses in your neck of the woods that we are looking at. Wouldn’t it be fun to be neighbors?
Yes, we NEED a yard for Lily. Lily wants to have a dog friend. She LOVES dogs. But, we cannot get another dog until we have more room. Lily hopes we find something very soon.
Mervat: Nice ‘c’ words! I also like cacophony, cthonic, and coriander.
Yes, I would love a house that came with a magical house elf that would keep my house spic and span.
I look forward to learning what you think the wood paneling is all about.;-)
Ma belle!!!!!!!!!!!
Always thinking of you, always short of time, sorry darling, please….
Now what’s an interesting theory about space and childhood…., hmmm…. I must think about it, because I like space!
Thank you sweetheart for the always so lovely comments.
Take care darling
Luv U
xoxo
Gosh I feel like I’ve missed out on soooo much. This is a fantastic post – firstly I’ve got to read the book (when I’m done with studies!) and then there is the amazing Igor. Does he realise he has a worldwide fan base.
His six bedrooms pronuncement is just the best!!
You must go for a spacious place. Just think even 4 bedrooms would give you a writing room, a reading room and a bedroom of course plus a guest room – perfect!
The Seeker : No sorry is necessary.
It is lovely to see you, as always.:-)
xoxo
Make Do Style or Film Upstart: You have;-). So read my old posts prior to reading the book. Just kidding!
Thank you. I am delighted you enjoyed it.Igor is brilliant and he has no idea whatsoever that he has fans.
Six bedrooms blew my mind. I was the one who brought the room count to him and he was cocksure in his answer.
4 bedrooms would be lovely. Perhaps I have been thinking too small. Would one bedroom be enough for you when you visit?
I did a double take when I saw that Louise De Salvo was the author. I know her work on Woolf and am interested to see what she has to say about literary homes, as well as her own.
Miss Cavendish: It is one and the same DeSalvo. And, she does write about Virginia’s moves and homes in her wonderful book.
I haven’t read her book on Wolf but I have read her book, “Writing as a Way of Healing: How Telling Our Stories Transforms Our Lives.” It also is a fantastic book. Now I want to read her two memoirs: Vertigo and Crazy in the Kitchen.
I am a big fan of a room with a view, not the film but having one room in the house that I can stand and stare out of, preferably from a great height. I have been lucky to have this in both this and my last house and it makes such a difference. I love to look out rather than in, and just sitting at the top of our house can be very theraputic.
6 rooms sounds good too!
My favourite ‘c’ word is crapola, I told a student last week that she should call her Unit 4 Crapola because it was!
You just need to get out of Valencia. Those far flung “safe” (ha) suburban enclaves are pretty prisons. All there is to do is shop and go out to eat. They seem very sterile.
Move near something, anything. Things you can walk to where it doesn’t involve a purchase.
It doesn’t need to be huge, you just have to be comfortable in it, or see it’s potential to suit your needs.
hollarback: I want to be in a community that has a downtown that He-weasel, Lily and I can walk to. I want there to be an independent bookstore and a nice place to go to breakfast. I would also love to have walking trails. Not a lot to ask for.
Any ideas on such a place?
indigo16: I won’t even agree to look at a home unless it has a view. I need one. I prefer to feel as if people can’t look in. But, I do love looking out at nature, city, mountain or something. Forester was onto something with that title.
Crapola is nice. It kind of sounds like Crayola.
6 bedrooms seems excessive. You could feel lost in all that space, but a larger place might not be a bad idea. And I’m going to have to read that book. I seem to move every couple of years no matter what. I wonder what that means…
Iheartfashion : It does to me too. I said it to be totally dramatic and excessive. I think he was saying it in a “you need more and can have more than you think you can” kind of way.
The DeSalvo book will have you looking at your moves in a very different light. I would love to hear what you think of it and what you think of your moves after you read it.
I have nominated you for an award, the Lovely Blog award!
http://www.thewritinginstinct.blogspot.com
Still thinking about the wood panelling…
Oy. Moving. It strikes fear in my heart, but the house-hunting part can be fun. I like to dream about new places to be. Best of luck!
Mervat: Thank you!!!!!! You are soooo sweet!:-))))))
I’ll be waiting on that paneling interpretation.
Schmutzie:I love seeing you here. Thanks for visiting and for your comment. Moving is always harder than the dreaming. Well, I have moved so many times that I even dream of the boxes and mess and all the mess of it.
not including childhood homes and dorm rooms, i’ve had…eleven homes total (none were “houses”), as an adult.
finding the right one, finding what you need, it’s a process, no question about it. 6 bedrooms would make me batty (i’m finally now, for the first time, utterly content with my “home” and it’s a small, sweet little apt.), but if you decide that is what you want, i’m behind you 100%.
a friend was just telling me recently about something she was working through re. her mother (my friend just turned 50) – she is discovering, through therapy work of her own, that she is still suffering from the disappointment she felt, as a child, from what her mother did not give her. she is working to sever the connection that she did not get to naturally outgrow as a healthy relationship would have allowed (initial dependence, then eventually space and independence, based on a foundation of love and support and guidance). not having ever gotten the proper early relationship with her mom, she was never able to adequately leave her mom, and the pain/damage that the relationship gave her.
so what’s my point?
no, i’m asking, what’s my point?
:p
up and down town: DeSalvo says that the average person moves 11.5 times. You have .5 move left and then you have met the average. But, there is nothing average about you.
I don’t know about bedrooms. I feel like 3 is the minimum and 4 is probably the max I would feel comfortable with. 6 and I would feel like I was running a bed and breakfast and no one had come.
It sounds like your friend and I have a lot in common. I think it was Igor talking about space and how that might help with the separation from my mother that got you thinking about your friend. Yes? It is hard when the normal task of development haven’t happened to move on. Therapy helps.
I loath moving… I’ve done it a few times in my life and I don’t plan to ever move again. I’m not as adventurous as you… and at the moment my toe is slowing moi down… LOL
Soon as toe is on the mend I will be ready for an outing… got hair coloured FINALLY today… sooo you won’t have to stare at my roots again at lunch… LOL
Last things first… does there have to be an alternative reason for “resistance” to wood paneling?
Moving, ugh! You may have just handed me a coping mechanism for our next move — I’ll have to make note of that book. I just hope it feels like it was written for me when the time comes.
You know, when I owned a condo (950 square foot), I always dreamed of living in a large home. It’s funny, but now that I’ve accomplished that dream (exactly as your prior, 2000sf 4 x 2), I am actually dreaming of living in another condo. The responsibilities of maintenance and utility bills, and all sorts of other things I never took into consideration before fulfilling my dreams have me looking to that greener grass on the other side. I must take full inventory of the repercussions of my next move, though.
Maybe I should read that book now to prepare for contemplation later.
ooooooo, how about running a bed and breakfast!!!
i have .5 moves left to be average? so i will likely either not move again or else move 4-8 more times. :p
you know, at the moment i’m in a 1 bedroom. it’s my ideal. everything about it is perfect. that is not something i have ever said before about any home i’ve had.
i think…i think maybe igor thinks that if you had 6 bedrooms you’d have too much other stuff to think about to even remember who your mother is.
or he would just rather fill your sessions talking about fabric swatches and paint colors….
that igor, what a stinker.
Fifi Flowers: Trust me, I HATE moving and I have moved 5 more times than I would have liked. Hate it!!!
I hope your toe is better and that you are enjoying your beautiful hair.
*SparkleMirror*: No, I do believe that objectively wood paneling is just evil. But I am sure Igor could come up with something underlying my loathing.
I do think that ever realtor and relocation manager should have this
book for all of their clients. It is sooooo good and is helping me make sense of my moves and what it is I really want in a home and how I want it to change me. Profound book.
I am going to do an inventory of all my moves here on the blog. I am sooooo not done with this topic.
up and down town: The idea of having strangers in my home that I have to entertain sounds about as bad as it can get.
If you are in your perfect place I am guessing you won’t do that .5 move.
Really good point, Igor is also sick of my mother and he would rather hear my complain about my contractor and the search for a perfect sofa.
I promise you that I am telling him your theory. I cannot wait to hear what he says. I’ll let you know.
I have given much thought to the wood paneling aversion. Well this may sound like a whole load of you-know-what, but indulge me if you will…
Wood is a natural fibre. In its natural state it requires little care, little love, virtually no maintenance, no attention. It is parallel, perpendicular and too perfect. This reflects the opposite of the most basic of human requirements: Love and flexibility, acceptance with that love. Maybe wood paneling is a reminder of a lack of love and acceptance by those whose acceptance and love we need most, our parents.
Or maybe, you simply don’t like wood paneling? Nothing deeper.
you tell him. i’m not afraid of igor. he’s trying to overwhelm you with bedrooms to bump your mother a notch lower on your to-do list. tell him i said so.
(this is my perfect place, but if circumstances cause me to move, i’ll move. what would .5 look like anyway? moving within the same building maybe.)
Mervat: I appreciate you giving my wood paneling problem so much thought. It was more than Igor would do. I think you have a future has a psychoanalyst or deconstructionist or a poet. Really beautiful interpretation.
I think it could be for the reasons you sight( as well as the fact that I think it is ugly) and that I love trees and I think that it is a waste of the gorgeous wood. Hate useless tree murder.;-)
Thank you,you are brilliant!
up and down town: You made me LOL at your not being afraid of him. All he did was laugh like a mad man at your suggestion. He thought it was hilarious. I think it might be true.;-)
A half a move? Uh, you move half your stuff in with someone else and you live there half of the time.