For years I have said that I don’t write fiction, much like many housekeepers say “I don’t do windows”, and then something happened and I have for the last two weeks been doing what I said I don’t do—only not really as my fiction is really more non-fiction than my non-fiction. That said, I now know why I have been resisting fiction like a root canal.
As you can see from the novel writing word count widget( which I highly recommend), located on the left margin of my blog, that I got from A Cat of Impossible Colour( a lovely blogger who I also highly recommend), I have written 12% of my novel. Just FYI, writing fiction is hard. I thought you might want to know that just in case you ever thought about doing it. Derrick Jensen had it right when he said, “Writing is really very easy. Tap a vein and bleed onto the page. Everything else is just technical.“
That is what is what I have been doing. I have been sitting at my laptop five days a week and I have been tapping a vein and bleeding onto my laptop. I am telling the truth 1000 words at a time in a more honest way than I would ever dare to tell in non-fiction. Here is how I do it, and I don’t advise this method of writing for anyone, I sit and think of all the things that think I can’t write and are the most painful and unspeakable bits and I start there and I just write it all out totally unedited and I keep writing until the tears come. I often tell the truth so honestly that I am crying the whole 1000 words and am typing with my eyes closed because the Cover Girl Lash Blast mascara has gotten in my eyes and obscured my vision. And, lucky for me, all this writing has triggered even more material to take to Igor and when I take the material that is triggered by the writing then my work with him gives me more material for the book. It is a circle of pain and progress.
Carolyn See, the author of “Making a Literary Life” wisely suggests that “your thousand words are best when they are not just an outpouring of raw feelings. Sometimes those raw feelings suggest what you really want to be writing about….What if you look for the raw emotion in your own world and then, instead of dissipating it in single-spaced howling, just for the hell of it, write your own story?”
She goes onto recommend as you are writing your story to keep a post-it note near your writing space with the following: Character? Plot? Geography? POV? Time and space? Building a scene? Rewriting? Dialog vs. description? “And without looking at that list until later (maybe five days later, or six months later) you dash off a thousand word, remembering in a vague sort of way, that what you’re writing should have characters, that they have to do something” and that the novel requires the other things on your post-it note list. All these things will need to be decided, but not now. For now, I just have to keep writing.
I have over 10,000 words of total unedited hot mess. When I tried to explain to Igor how bad it is he said “Are you saying that it is so bad that I would have to wash my hands after holding it?” Yes, that is what I am saying. He seems to think that my sense of the book and my frustration with in its current state might have something to do with my mother’s anal retentiveness and how something is not okay unless it comes out perfectly formed and the book is not that. Really, it is the most unorganized document of chaos I have ever credited. I just write a 1000 words—and there is no beginning, middle or end and intellectually I know that is okay. I know that when I am done with my 80,000 words I can go back and organize, shape, rewrite, and edit like mad. It may even take another 80,000 words to tell my story and that is fine. But, let me assure you that as I write the 1000 words I often wonder what the hell I am doing and if I will ever manage to turn this into anything. I hear that voice and then I keep writing.
If you have difficulty allowing yourself to write a bad first draft I highly recommend Anne Lamott’s Bird by Bird. Anne might also have a mother with a complex that Igor might diagnose as she wrote of the importance of “shitty first drafts“. I think of Anne’s wise words when I start to panic that my writing should be less shitty. I imagine that she will be much thought of through all 80,000 words and well into my shitty second draft.
Another important companion in the novel writing process beyond Igor, French roast coffee and Vitamin W is my novel notebook which I keep with me nearly 24 hours a day. I just can’t take a chance that when I am driving, at the market, or getting my nails done that some insight or idea might come and I might miss it. It even comes into the bathroom with me just in case inspiration should hit when I _ _ _ _( I think Igor maybe onto something with his anal analysis). The only place I don’t take it with me is into the shower and that is only because the pages aren’t waterproof. I am constantly writing in my novel notebook little thoughts, words, phrases or pieces of info that I will want to include in the book. If you saw the notebook it would look to you like the ravings of a loon but I cannot tell you how much my notebook helps me when I have the appearance of a block. If I can’t come up with 1000 words to write I turn to the notebook and look at one of the entries and then I just start writing about that until there is nothing left and then I move onto the next one until I have met my word count quota.
I am off to do another 1000 words. I will need another cup of coffee, some Kleenex, and a strong stomach. Igor has stirred up plenty of raw material that is just waiting to be turned into a shitty first draft.
If you would like evidence that I can inspire great writing, even if I can’t often manage it( at least in the first draft), please click here to meet un lapin blanc. I would love it if you would be so kind as to pop over and welcome my francophile white rabbit friend to the blogosphere with a warm bienvenue.
Totally unrelated to writing but about a writer: Braja friend, a frequent commenter and a dear bloggy has been in a very serious car accident. If you have a deity please pray for her, her husband and the driver who were all seriously injured. If, like me, you are deity free, please think good thoughts for all in
volved. Updates about her condition are posted frequently here. Braja we miss you and hope that you return very soon to the blogosphere.
Right now, 10 words would be a miracle for me. (oh, that was 10.)
I’m impressed by 1000. A Day.
Holy crap.
Teaching art, one of the things my students find the hardest is starting a project without visualising the outcome.
The problem with this is it may act as a safty net, but the ensuing work is ofen inhibted and and dry.
The very best work often comes from deep within our subconcious and to tap into that we need to stand on the edge and just let go. It is not easy, and I am as guilty as the rest of taking short cuts but I know that if I was to ever take painting seriously this is what I would have to do.
I would love to ‘let rip’ even on paper, I have been buttoned up for so long it would be very liberating.
Igor does make me laugh! He should be the stand up comedian of psychiatrists!
I’m sure that I would not need to wash my hands after handling your novel.
The joy of the novel is that you can be more truthful than you can be in non-fiction as there is no-one’s feelings you have to be careful of hurting, and no defamation case that can be brought as it is ‘fiction’.
I’m sure when all is said and done (and written) it will be brilliant.
Belle, you seem as if you are now firing on all cylinders regarding The Novel! I love your notebook habit, sounds perfect!
You are making terrific and prolific progress, it seems, and if it comes with a little pain, then that is surely cathartic too.
Bless you, bless Igor, He- and the Lily-Weasel, Braja, Jahnu and their driver – We are all getting there, wherever there may be…It will be wonderful!
All the best, darling Belette! x
I was just thinking too that Igor is a very funny man.
Your dedication is very inspiring, doing your 1000 words a day every day. It’s hard and it hurts, and the only analogy I can think of is my half marathon training, and sometimes I do want to stop because it’s just so hard, but then I remember the free beer and bananas and gloating when it’s all over, so I guess my point is that it’s really worth it in the end!
Also, internet troubles kept me from wishing you a joyeux anniversaire the other day!!
It sounds like an incredibly heart wrenching and emotional process, but hopefully it’s also cathartic on some level. Well done for being so committed…and keep going!!!
I’m so glad you’ve read Anne’s “shitty first draft” advice. And that it’s giving you some solace during this phase, which seems to be outpouring more than crafting. The crafting time will come, as you’ve pointed out. Well, if you survive this first, very trying portion of the proceedings, that is.
I try my best to be professional and not use “bad language” in the classroom, but I do tell my students that I recommend, at a certain point, that they just “get the shit on the page” (or screen) and worry about revising it later. You’re an impressive example of how challenging but productive that approach can be. I’m looking forward to seeing the widget numbers climb — good for you!
The way I’ve always described what you’re encountering is: One of the most important parts of writing is knowing what to take out after the early drafts. Self-editing is an art that more people should learn, but ego gets in the way and then we end up watching 3-hour movies and reading 1,000-page books.
Obviously, I don’t think you’ll have this problem! You’re too self-aware.
My thoughts are echoed by everyone here – Igor has a sharp sense of humour.
All those words – I’m seriously impressed. And crying is good for creativity. Keep crying. I cry every day, at least once. Never did me any harm.
xx
By the way, even if the posts on your blog only averaged 500 words a post, you will have written over 174,000 words – all of them entertaining. So, I reckon you will easily manage to produce an interesting novel.
well, I wasn’t going to comment yet this morning because I am so bummed and feel so crappy, I need to just go and open a vein and bleed all over my canvas…that really spoke to me as it’s exactly what I do, as taught by eric maisel, whom you probably know of as well! cutting the vein~~I HATE THIS! and yes, isn’t it fodder for the couch?? or chair or floor or toilet? shitty is exactly what it is…talk about anal???? you want to talk about anal??? well..
ok, my dear, I’m done bloodletting all over your comments…I am praying for Braja and had a vulture spreading it’s wings, sunning, for them saturday at noon! A Very Good Omen.
I am dueling with a crazy threatening stalker whom I need to deal with who is downloading my comments and blog…I have moderation on to keep them(comments) off the site … so actually you can, you are safe
….must be off to wail at Blogger or is it Google about this….ignore my ramblings of insanity in the middle of the night at this a***h***….I just couldn’t help but bleed all over that comment to him…so pissed am I!
xoxoxox
Great post, Belette! xo Jamie
Janie: Hey, you do a lot more than 10 words a day on your blog.
Indigo:I understand your students difficulty of starting without an end in mind. Ambiguity sucks. Yet, I know you are right, work that doesn’t allow for ambiguity often lacks vitality.
You are right that it is liberating but it is simultaneously terrifying and painful. I wish I could say that surrendering to the ambiguity is all good. Mostly, for now, it doesn’t feel at all good. Hopefully in time it will change.
I think that your method is probably the very best way of attacking this sort of intimidating project. Just throw it down, and then (later) see what is salvageable. You will probably be surprised! If it is making you cry, then there must be something really authentic in there.
BTW, love Lamott’s advice, writing, and this book in particular.
YOU CAN DO IT… and I’m sure it will be FAB… your writing on this blog is great! 1000 words a day… let’s see… 5 days a week… you should be done in 16 weeks… hmmmm
That accident sounds awful… thank you for the update.
When I have to write, I end up with crap. When I let loose with the stream of consciousness, it comes out pretty okay. My A.D.D. of the brain works. Well, for my blog, anyway…
ILY. ::hug hug::
Imogen: Igor cracks me up and his laugh is the best ever. I wish I could tape record his laugh. It is so good.
I think you might need anti-bacterial soap when touching the first draft. The second draft will be better, I am sure.
I am thrilled about being more honest and yet it is making me be more honest with myself and that is good and bad. I assure you I will hide many characters so that they will not recognize themselves, others will be more transparent.
Thank you for your encouragement. I need it today.
A Woman Of No Importance: I don’t know how people write without a notebook of notes. It really helps.
The catharsis is soon to come. Now, I am in the mud, grit and grime. But, this too shall pass.
Thank you, sweets. All good thoughts to you, Braja, her husband, and the driver.
xo
Andromeda: I wish I could tell Igor that you all find him as funny as I do but then he would come over and see what I wrote about him.
The marathon analogy is a great one. I hope when I am done with my 80,000 words I get free beer and bananas. I know I will gloat.
Merci, for the lovely bday wishes!
Bronwyn: Hey, gorgeous, lovely to see you!!:-)I have hope that all of this pain will either turn into art or heal some unresolved issues. It would be nice if it was both.
Sal: Anne’s Bird by Bird is one of the best books on writing ever. Don’t you think?
Materfamilias: The widget is highly motivating. I am a person who needs accountability and that widget gets me to the page when I don’t feel like it.
WendyB: Oh, man oh man, will I be editing. Yep, out of the 80,000 words I would be lucky to be left with 10,000 words. I promise my book will not be as long as “Infinite Jest”.
Henry the Dog’s Mum: Igor is a card. I love that man. I wish he would start a blog.
I am not afraid of a little tear action. It cleanses the soul and it makes my eyes a pretty colour blue.;-)
I imagine that my blog has much more than 80,000 words. Hmmm… I wish I had kept track.
Linda:Oh, honey, I am so sorry you are going through that. Horrible. I hope that this person leaves you alone and lets you blog in peace. I am glad that you felt you could talk about it here.Hugs to you.xo
Jamie: Merci!
Bee: I couldn’t do it any other way. I admire people who can write a book in a more organized way. I can’t and I have to do it in the way that I can.
Fifi Flowers: I don’t think I will have it done in 4 months. I will have a shitty first draft in 4 months.;-)
Poor Braja, her husband and their driver. Horrible accident.
Amy: I know there are other people who can write in a different way than we do—it just doesn’t work for me. I love your writing style. Keep it up.
ILY too.:-)
Bonne anniversaire La Belette!!!
kissie-kissie on both cheeks “mwah-mmmwah!”
wow, what great news, what writing! Just read the New Yorker bit (one before the style issue) about David Foster Wallace and his thousands of words – a fascinating article.
LENORENEVERMORE: Merci!
Fashion herald: Oooh, I missed the article. I did read the fiction piece in the 3/9 edition of the New Yorker called the Wiggle Room. But, I didn’t read the article about him. I just ache for him and for his family that a man of that genius never could enjoy it. So sad.
La Belette, I started writing about our son’s scoliosis journay (the reason I set up my writing blog) August 2008. Each time I wrote an entry I cried and cried after pressing ‘publish post’. I think this was very therapeutic for me as I can talk about it moe easily. However, I am still not able to write about his second operation when he had life-threatening complications. This morning I tried but I choked up again.
So, take it from me i know exactly where you are coming from.
M
xxoo
One of the most fascinating things about this stream of consciousness writing is reading it back again afterwards. It can be like reading it for the first time, and you get surprised at some of the things you write.
From your pain comes beauty – like all great artists!
Happy Birthday for the other day too.
I’ve worked through about fifty shitty drafts to get to the ‘nearly last one’ that is being scrutinised as I type. I’d like to say it gets easier but. . .
Hang in there. If you’ve got something to say it will all be worth it (eventually).
The fact is, if the writing is in us and trying to find a way out, there’s no choice but to DO it.
You are so dang disciplined about your writing! I wish I could do that, be that way.
I make outlines and try to write in some kind of linear fashion. MathMan has been nagging me to back off on blogging so I can devote more time to this piece of fiction I’m writing and I keep procrastinating.
Now I wonder if I’m doing it wrong. Of course I’m doing it wrong!
Mervat:I so understand that feeling you describe. It is therapeutic and yet so damn hard. Usually therapy is not easy.
It sounds like in time you might want to write about that second operation, choking up isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Just keep the Kleenex handy, drink plenty of water and wear waterproof mascara. Hugs to you.
xo
Cybill: When I wrote today I was so surprised what came up. There were no tears but I did feel after as if my psyche had been put in the blender.
Thanks, dear Cybill, for the bday wishes.
I am amaze of this documentation that you made. Good job!
Michelle:Fifty shitty drafts? You are my hero. You have to be so proud of yourself.Huge accomplishment.
I have to do it and yet I am more certain that than ever that nothing will come of the writing and yet I have to do it anyways. Interesting paradox.
Lisa: You are so damned disciplined about your blog of course you can be disciplined about your other writing. You can. You know you can. You just may not be able to be so disciplined about the blog and the book. I couldn’t.
And, I couldn’t write anything if I had to do it linearly. A linear way of writing feels like too much pressure to me. the way I am doing it I feel like I can go back and forward all the time and add and expand without feeling like it has to make sense. Also, in one session of writing I can write the middle and then move to the beginning and then go back again.
I wonder what the procrastination is really saying. Any ideas?
You are only doing it wrong if you aren’t doing it.;-)
Kitchen Gadgets: Thank you.:-)
May I add mothers to the “screw them” list? (grin)
I think you are on the right track now…it sounds HONEST and brave.
Doing a bit of soul searching myself these days–the problem with not working at a real job is too much time to think.
La B – I don’t believe in anti-bacterial soap – I can cope with getting a little dirty!
Very inspiring, Belette.
Cheers to you and your sh*tty first draft. Can’t wait to read the finished product.
Hey, friend…I am so glad you’re doing this. Sucks, doesn’t it? Argh. But it’s totally worth it and I’m so excited for you.
Plans soon!
XO
Anna
Fabulous – this is amazing!! I’m so glad your doing it.xx
That is so fascinating; you are beautifully honest about the writing process.
I am joining you in atheist vibes for Braja.
xx
1000 is really impressive. When I was working on my novel (in the drawer at the moment) the best I did was 700 to 800 words a day but averaged about 500 a day.
P.S. How was your birthday and birthday cake?
12% is substantial, darling! Keep at it! Love how you set goals for yourself and refer to other fab bloggers in your posts!
xoxox,
CC
I love Anne Lamott’s Bird By Bird. You’ve reminded me to dig it out again.
And 1000 words a day, every day, is very inspiring! When your novel is ready for readers, I’m available…
Ah Miss LBR, is there anything more brutal than writing as a fulltime occupation, at least in terms of one’s soul?? We think not.
Sending good thoughts and more,
tp
Jen: Yes, to screw mothers. It is honest with a capital horrible. I do think too much time is not good for me either. Some structure makes me think less and that is a good thing.
Imogen Lamport: That is why I like you.
Carolyn: I hope you are patient!! It is going to take time.
Anna: I was amazed before by your multi-drafts. I am even more amazed now.
Plans very soon, please!!!
First of all I’m sending good wishes and prayers to Braja.
As for the writing, well I have more books started than I can count but I hate to count words and think it can be a creative obstacle.
I have a feeling you’ll like this video of the author of ‘Eat Pray Love’.
http://keris.typepad.com/books/2009/03/elizabeth-gilberts-inspiring-talk-for-ted.html
that link didn’t work. it’s also here:
http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/
elizabeth_gilbert_on_genius.html
Make Do Style: Thank you. I often wonder if I am just wasting time and energy. I guess I won’t know until I know.
Pretty face:I feel like there is so much disinformation out about “do what you want and it is all easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy” that I feel like it is important to give voice to the fact that writing is hard.
I thank you for the good vibes for Braja.
Cheryl: In time 1000 words starts to go pretty fast. It was harder in the beginning and becoming easier and I often want to go longer and yet I stop myself.
Cake was dry, frosting was great, the thought was sweet and bday was all in all a lovely day. Thanks for asking!
You are rolling right along, before you know it your novel will be done and resting in my hands.
Couture Carrie: 12% will soon be 25% and then 50 and then so on. And, I’ve got to share the love!!
Iheartfashion: It is a book worthy of revisiting.
I am appreciative that you would volunteer to read it. I hope someday it makes its way to your night stand.
Preppy Princess: I wish I had a passion for the law or neurosurgery or something easier on the soul than writing.:-)
Paris apartment: Thank you for your good wishes for Braja. I am still in shock at the severity of her accident.
For me the word count gives me a reasonable goal I can achieve every day but I am a big proponent of do what works for you.
Thank you for the video. I keep meaning to watch it. It will be my reward for my 1K tomorrow. Merci!!
I loved that post- and am duly impressed.
I’m sorry to read about Braja. I hope for a full recovery for all.
You know there are waterproof writing boards you can put up in your shower, don’t you?
I’m very happy to hear you’re a writing machine, La Bel. You’re really moving now.
I read this post the day it was written and it’s taken me till now to come back and comment. I was acutely struck by nearly everything you said, it all resonated so deeply that I needed to digest it before coming back. As usual your eloquence blows me away
The process of these magical 1000 words a day is much the same for me, as you know. I am in deep awe of the results this simple goal brings. Let me rephrase that – I’m in deeper awe that there ARE results, any results, lol. Really, when you think of it, isn’t it an amazing wonder…how does this all happen, this transplanting of thought to page, the translation, transformation of experience into fiction? And for one more “trans” word, how bout I throw in transcendence…I too have found even more material for my shrink via doing this novel writing and also in turn more grist for the fiction mill after my therapist is done with me. Each time a piece of myself ends up part of a character or an episode from my life ends up reformed and happening to my protagonists, each and every time I feel a falling away, a shift from my rigid, narrow little perspective and an opening, a new view of what has transpired (hey, another “trans” word!).
I just now looked this up: Trans is a Latin noun or prefix, meaning “across”, “beyond” or “on the opposite side”. This process, whatever becomes of it when it’s finished, is a journey, across, beyond where we are now in our understanding…and when we get to that opposite, that other side…maybe we get something more than agents or publishers. I’m not sure what, but I know it’s something…more, better even.
Thank you, once again, for bringing Carolyn See’s book into my life, and even more for sharing your writing…both are gifts to be deeply treasured!