I remember reading somewhere that when Madonna has a major disappointment she gives herself two days to feel like crap and then she gets her well defined glutes back to the gym, and to Gyrotonics, and then a quick high-colonics. I am no Madonna. It often takes me two-three weeks and maybe more depending on the disappointment or rejection and my normal probably looks a lot like what Madonna considers to be full on slacking.
It has been only five days since my rejection and thanks to all of you I am feeling much-much-much better. I cannot thank you enough for your incredible comments, tremendously insightful and hope inspiring emails and all around loveliness.
Because of your kindness and encouragement I am off the couch and off the Cap’n Crunch Crackberry Crack habit before it was too late and I was a full on Crunchberry Beast with a four bowl a day habit on a corn syrup high writing poems of praise to my Cap’n:
“O Captain! my Captain! My cereal is done.
The dish is in the top rack and the prize in box is none.
The store is near, the delivery truck’s motor I wait to hear.
My stomach hollow seeks the carbs of Cappy’s berry crunch.
But O stomach! Stomach! Stomach!
I crave your berries as if crack.
Where on the shelf my Captain lied
now only oatmeal can be spied.
I am done with sweets and out of sweats and into jeans and sweaters. I haven’t cried in days and have even left the house. And, thanks to wonderful friends I even have this strange emotion I have heard some describe as hope and optimism.
My thanks to my following friends is even greater, if less poetry inducing, than to the Cap’n:
1. WendyB for so many reasons.
a) For believing in me.
b) For inspiring me to sit down and write an outline to a novel.
c) For starting an incredible Twitter viral marketing campaign with K.Line. You both made my heart a pitter with your very supportive and traffic inducing Twitters. Sorry, I am still coming down from the Cap’n crunch. Corn syrup and artificial berry flavors bring out the corny poet in me. But, seriously, when I saw your Tweets and Re-Tweets I was touched beyond what I can say in haiku or iambic pentameter. Thank you both so much. Hey, was that more than 140 characters?
d) For much more including saying:”You don’t have to give people hope if you can make them laugh. That generates empathy right there.” As Igor would say, “Vendy eez vise!”
Please, Wendy, in all your free time, would you be my agent? I feel like I could do anything including make my way to Oprah’s couch and the New York Time’s Best-Seller List if I was working with you.
2. Kirie for the kind of email every writer should get after a rejection. Really, I wish every writer could have a friend who is one half incredible cheerleader( the kind of cheerleader who takes it really seriously and goes to summer camp for cheer and wins competitions and could turn around any game with her cheering) and one half fierce protector and defender of you when you are too weak to defend yourself.
3. He-weasel for making me a pan of Hershey’s extra chocolate brownies. They are particularly medicinal when eaten directly hot out of the pan with vanilla ice cream on top.
4. Carolyn See for the kick in the ass email in which she said:”When an agent or magazine or book publisher or reviewer rejects you, you IMMEDIATELY take out your best stationery and write them a nice thank you note. Nine lines, three paragraphs, no insults, say you’ll try them again for as long as you live, and you plan to live a long time. Take it to the mail box IMMEDIATELY drop it in, walk home and pour yourself a drink. YOU WILL FEEL BETTER IMMEDIATELY.” Thank you letters, according to Carolyn, “are like Vicodin.” She is right. As soon as I wrote the thank you letter on my gorgeous La Belette Rouge stationary and mailed it and had a large Scotch I felt much better.
5. Christopher Orcutt for his generous email in which he helped me see that everything I have been told in books about submitting to agents is wrong. Thanks to Chris when I am ready to send out again I will not write a well researched and personalized letter for each agent but a one size fits all letter that I will send to all agents. Instead of sending out one proposal at a time as agents self-servingly recommend, I will send to 10-15 agents at a time so as to up my odds.
Also, Chris gave me my new mantra: “Don’t worry about getting an agent. Don’t worry about getting published. You are a writer. You WILL be published. Just make sure you’ll be READ.” That mantra kicks “Om’s” ass.
6. Thanks to Chris I signed up for Publishers Marketplace.com. This small action made me feel more like a professional writer instead of a total failure who would never-ever-ever write again. For $20 a month to have the hope that I might be discovered without a query is so worth it and it is tax deductable business expense should I ever make any money as a writer.
7. Make do style for being a fierce friend who believes in me and is not afraid to say naughty words to get me back on track. Between Wendy B and Make do I am emboldened to try fiction. I have long been afraid of fiction and I officially gave fiction up over 10 years ago. In just one weekend these two fashion powerhouses made me think I might be able to manage it.
8. Anna Lefler for everything, especially for the Undercover Brother suggestion. I would have never rented it without you. I learned a lot from Anna, not the least being that laughter and massage and time will make all things better.
9. Lily for all the licks. Licks are less drying and more moisturizing than Kleenex.
Thank you so much for all you did to get me out of the squirrel pajamas, away from Bravo realty TV, and back to writing. I cannot thank you enough except to say thank you.
*Cap’n Crunch is a crap cereal filled with high-fructose corn syrup and artificial flavors.
I am heartened immensely that you are off the couch and staying away from high fructose corn syrup cereals so you shall stay alive a while longer and write more blogs, books and maybe even movies for us to enjoy.
I so want to read your book! Send me a manuscript NOW!
I think you can write in whatever genre excites you at the time, whether it be fiction or non – your writing is eloquent and moving.
A rejection from one agent just brings you one step closer to the agent who will get you your longed for 3 book publishing deal.
I think that last rejection letter is another chapter for your book. Why the hell should you be upbeat, when life doesn’t always have happy endings. One jammie step back, two gucci steps forward.
Simply said….I KNOW I will be reading your book one day!
I’m so glad you are off the Captain Crunch and in jeans, as well as out the door. The thank you note is such a brilliant idea, and when you are published, because it simply is a given, you can look back and smile.
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I really believe that. Keep going La belette, you WILL get there. x
I’m no Madonna either but you inspire me to get over my heartache – even Madonna doesn’t have that effect on me!
Maybe your next post could be on your purchases during the down-time – throw in some fashion items and i’ll be fully recharged
!!
xoxox
Lynn
I too am heartened at this post. Your book will be published, and it will be read by many. Myself included. The chapter called “First Rejection” will be the best, filled with the Capt. Crunch habit, that will lead to a commercial endorsement and perhaps even, La Belette Rouge herself staring in the commercial.
I have no doubt I will one day be reading your book.
Chris has an excellent point – you can get published (you can easily self-publish) but GET READ. Very good reminder to all of us of the ultimate goal.
Good for you! Sounds like you’ve gotten a lot of good advice and are taking it all. That’s interesting about how you should send out lots of proposals at once rather than dole them out one at a time. No wonder waiting becomes so excruciating!
By the way, Madonna looks like a piece of gristle.
xoxo
I feel terrible in not realising that you had hit a bad patch. I skipped over the Writing in Valencia Part 11 post because I thought it was part of a series and that I would read all of the essays at the same time.
That being said: Hugs.
I once attended a writer’s talk who said that rejections aren’t negative and that really, more often than not, they’re doing you a favour. In the long run, perhaps this person isn’t someone you want to be tied to for this particular project or projects in the future. Maybe there’s something else that you don’t know. I guess what it all comes down to is destiny.
If you believe in that bunk like I do.
The most important thing is to not give up. To keep showing up. To keep doing it.
There was a painting instructor by the name of Harold Speed who said (ages and ages ago, in the 20s or 30s) something like this: “The only [students] worth encouraging are the ones who [despite the obstacles] cannot be discouraged.”
I believe that you aren’t the type to get discouraged, La Belette. You’ll keep showing up.
Belle, you are good and strong and weaselly, in the best possible sense…
Maybe you need to feature that Hershey’s recipe at some point for your non-US readers? It might help us occasionally too!
You are a treasure, hang on in there, and keep writing, please, your Redness x
Nice post! Way to get off the crackberries and get crackin’!
((Hugs)) to you (and Lily)!
I am with you all the way and so glad you are feeling sprightly – one little problem, what the hell is cap’n crunch???? xv
The Cap’n Crunch post was awesome.
This was a very hope-inspiring post. You are a very strong woman, Belette, and a very grateful one indeed. I can’t wait to read your book!
Hooray, back in the saddle with guns a blazin’! How amazingly fantastic that you have such a deep support system. You are a very fortunate woman, Madame Belette.
I’m happy knowing you feel better now and I’m another who is very much looking forward to reading your books. Best wishes and hugs.
YAY!!
now….
did you get lily a coat and what color if you did…a picture would be nice for those of us loving lily from afar…a little vid even better!
what color sweater are you wearing, is it cashmere and if not, cashmere will make you feel even better…
the brownie recipe must be in the intro of the book and also on your blog.. preferably at the top so I don’t miss it!
STOP EATING THAT CRAPPY CEREAL,
…stay with natural foods like brownies, they are much better for you…no artificial anything and usually made with love…
I don’t know a thing about publishing anything but I know I will be reading your book someday, so just keep writing, eating brownies, licking lily back and wearing cashmere(even with the pj’s…there’s NO THING wrong with pj’s in the daytime~no guilt trips!) … you will go far, I know it!
now, I must go take my meds~it’s too early for me to be writing sensible blog comments but I consider yours to lovely with my morning cuppa!
Maybyou should write a whole book of odes to breakfast cereals… that seems like the kind of thing that WendyB could help you to market!
And know that we’re all thinking about you and we’re all rooting for you my dear…
I’m glad you’re feeling better! Your time will come. You’re a great writer.
I am thrilled to hear you’re on to the next phase – optimism! (Though your writing is fantastic, either way, isn’t nice to give abject misery a miss?) Kxo
Undercover Brother is a HUGE hit in my house… my three males know it WORD for WORD!!! LOL!!!
You mess with the ‘fro… you’s gotta go… I must hear that daily!
“Cap’n Crunch is a crap cereal filled with high-fructose corn syrup and artificial flavors.”
Hahahahahaha……that sounds like the disclaimer for medication commercials
It is always my pleasure to pass along what little hard-earned visdom I have to someone as talented as you. Someday soon I’ll be having you sign my copy of your book. Can’t wait! It will be the Oprah-approved copy too.
No worries the eejit that rejected your work needs to eat cake!
A few views on their way – oh and to cheer you up morrisey is adorning evey tube station in London – I’ll send you a link!
Aaaw I feel bad for not e-mailing you now! Trust me, I am thinking of you
xx
Yes! Fiction, for God’s sakes! Right ON!
And YES on Publisher’s Marketplace!
And YES on multiple queries!
And Carolyn See rocks and is scary-wise (as I’m learning through her book). I am a new disciple.
And *woot* you’re back in the saddle and we’ll have so much to talk about at lunch! Exciting!
So glad the worst of it has passed, LBR – onward and upward!
XOXO
Anna
Just remembering that one of the most helpful directions I received in the past, when I was disappointed and hurt over a rejection, was to realize that by giving a lot of weight to one person’s opinion, I was giving that person an awful lot of importance and credibility in my life. And if an often harsh business job has taught me anything, it is that there are a LOT of people who don’t deserve to take up credibility and importance in your life. Opinions are like posterior orifices, everyone has one, and some people are posterior orificies in their own right. It’s not a heartless denial that I have feelings, but it is a recognition that not everyone is worth being hurt about – in fact, most are not. Onward and upward when the ordinary or less-than-worthy strike.
Hey doll,
This is the sweetest, most heartfelt and gracious post. Good things WILL come your way; just be patient and remind yourself all the time how AWEsome you are and how many people you have supporting you!
Love your poem
I don’t think Walt W would be offended in the least!
xoxox,
CC
Once again, Belette, you revealed your generous heart by acknowledging the emails and advice many of us sent, although that wasn’t our intention in contacting you. I’m really glad that a few of the things I said are going to help you get over this latest round of rejection. There are a few things I know well through experience and one of them is how to handle rejections, because, sister, I’ve had A LOT of them. But you’ve got to keep going, keep putting yourself out there.
I love Carolyn See’s book “Making a Literary Life,” and I think her advice of sending thank-you notes to get the poison of rejection out of your system is truly BRILLIANT. When seeking an agent, if an agent gave me a thorough, timely critique, even if she was rejecting my work, I would always try to send a grateful email thanking her for her time, etc.
However, Carolyn’s process with the handwritten notes is even better, I think, because the physical act of a pen on paper is more visceral and probably does a better job of releasing your feelings about the rejection than typing would. No matter what, I think the notes create closure and get you looking forward, which is critical.
If any of your readers would like some additional unsolicited advice about the agent-seeking process from a guy who’s been there, have them contact me and I’ll send them an e-book I wrote a while back called “The Killer Query,” which documents the lessons I learned–many of which run contrary to conventional wisdom on the subject. Several writers I know who were seeking agents told me the piece was very helpful to them.
The most important thing is that you keep writing, because ultimately that is the only thing you can control.
Good luck, dear.
Oh my word. I’m so sorry I’ve been gone from visiting. I’m glad to see that you’ve already bounced back and are writing and living and swearing off Cap’n Crunch.
Imogen Lamport: I thought corn syrup was the secret to immortality and literary greatness. Not true?
Cybill: It is true. I have another chapter for the book and I have learned so much from everyone in response to the rejection.
La Donna Welter: I appreciate your confidence.
Mardel: I would have preferred an acceptance letter but I have learned so much because of the rejection.
notSupermum: If that is true I am ready to try out for the weightlifting ream.;-)
Lynn:Hugs to you. You are entitled to your heartache. My heartaches with you. Take as much time as you need.
I have been so blue that I haven’t even thought of shopping. I know that is shocking.
Dave: I am ready and willing and available to do all manner of Captain Crunch commercials. I feel I can speak to their healing powers in a way that will expand thier market.
TopSurf: Thank you.
Marla: There are plenty of writers with agents, publishers and books who never get read. I want all of the above. I am greedy.;-)
Marsi: I am amazed that in less than I week I feel like i have learned so much from this experience. I didn’t intend to ever feel better.;-)
xo
Mrs C:Reading that old Writing in Valencia posts are not necessary to understand the next.
I am not at all sure I believe in destiny but I do believe in making meaning out of an experience even if there is none and trying to learn from every seeming bad thing in my life.
I tried to get myself to stop showing up but I couldn’t do it. I cannot stop writing and that is a good thing! I do get temporarily discouraged and then I get up again. I don’t have the good sense to stay down.;-)
A Woman Of No Importance: Thank you for that kind compliment. I am especially keen on being called weaselly, it is high praise indeed. And, I think weasel skills are required to succeed as a writer.
I am sorry to say that the brownies came from a box mix. They were, however, better than brownies were better than ones I have had a fancy bakeries.
Merci por votre tres gentile bon mots!xo
TattingChic: Hee-hee, off the crackberries and now cracking!!:-)
Vicki Archer: I added an explanation at the bottom of the page just for you.;-)
Kitten: Thank you for your very kind comment!I haven’t been feeling very strong but I am now feeling more like myself.
Red Shoes: I am very fortunate to have such lovely and supportive friends.
Susan:Thank you. I look forward to someday meeting you at Powell’s.
Linda: I didn’t find her a coat that I love. But she did get a sweater and I promise there will be pictures and soon video.
I am wearing black cashmere. Does it come in other colors?;-)
I hate to reveal He-weasel’s secret but it comes in a box and hence not natural. But they are naturally delicious.
I am so humbled by everyone’s belief in me. I am overwhelmed by it.Thank you, Linda.xo
Kaili: If General Mills starts to publish books I am their gal.;-)
Thank you. It helps to have so many good thoughts.
Maegan:Thank you, Sweets.
K.Line:Abject misery is just too hard to maintain.
Fifi:LOL that you can quote from Undercover Brother.
Amy: I put that disclaimer in for those readers from outside the U.S. who might not have enjoyed the Cap’n. The Cap’n should come with a medical warning.
WendyB: I hope I have clearly conveyed how much your help, ideas and encouragement means to me. Really, it means a lot.
Make Do Style: Thank you!!!!You and Wendy have got me thinking.
J’adore Morrissey. Would you tell him so if you see him?
Pretty Face: I could feel your good vibes. Thanks, Sweets, for your good thoughts!!
Anna:Thank you for being such a great first responder. I imagine it would have been a longer recovery without your brilliant advice. Hugs to you!!!
Marla: That is some really wise advice. You are so right. I have, in the past, given too much credit and power to people who don’t deserve it. Thank you!!!:-)
Carrie: Thank you for those incredible compliments. I am lucky to have such lovely and encouraging friends such as you, Carrie.
I am so glad that you like my poem. I like to imagine an ad that has a classroom full of college prep boys jumping on their desk and reading it to their Cap’n.
xo
Chris: I am so happy that it is okay that I shared what you gave me with others. I cannot thank you enough to reaching out to me as you did and your sharing your hard won insight. You are such a generous blogger and a wealth of insight.
I am seeing that rejections have things to teach you if you are open to their lessons. I have learned sooooo much from this rejection and I have learned a lot from you.
I was resistant to writing the note and yet as soon as I did it I felt a relief. As Carolyn calls it “rejection aikido”. It really works.
It is soooooo generous of you to offer to share your “Killer Query” with my readers. Thank you!!! And, would you, Chris, send me that brilliant post “The Killer Query”?I thought I had gotten it from you and yet I just searched my files and I cannot find it.
Thank you so much,Chris. You are really such a great guy. I am so pleased I found your blog. I am a big fan.xo
Lisa:A 48 hour Cap’n Crunch binge is all I can manage. I am a lightweight.;-)
Oh, I miss some posts and I miss so much…
I was so sorry to hear about the pain you endured, and so happy to hear that there have been so many expressions of faith and love coming your way.
Writers write — and you write well. No one can take that away from you.
Love to you,
Pearl
Thanks for the explanation La Belle – very glad Cap’n Crunch is a thing of the past now, xv.
you’ve gotten wonderful advice and support here, and don’t forget lots of writers get lots of rejections all through their careers – so really this makes you more of a writer than ever, right?!
I am so glad you are feeling better
You are such a wonderful writer – sending hugs!!!
Glad you quit the cereal, but love the poem.
Fashion herald:I like your read on this. You are good!!
Paula: Thank you. I am lucky to have such lovely friends and supportive readers.
Julie: I guess it proves out of great suffering can come sub-par poetry that can make a great poet roll in his grave.;-)