On Thursdays I try to up my game and get out of sweats and do my hair and makeup even though Igor my psychoanalyst doesn’t really look at me. He has a couch I can lie on if I want but I just cannot imagine doing that. There is something too about it. I don’t know what it is but I know that it is definitely too. Anyways, most of the time he has his eyes shut and is thinking so deeply that if Rodin saw him he would throw away that crap bronze he made and create “The Thinker II: This time he is really thinking”. But even though he barely sees me I just don’t want him thinking I am a schlumpadinka. Actually, oh this is where the shame comes, I would like him to think I am smart, funny, and I wouldn’t hate if he thought I was pretty and attractive. Gosh I hate admitting that. Again, I know not why.
So, I wore a black Vera Wang felt skirt and a black merino cardigan and the Prada pumps. I spent a little extra time on the hair and makeup which must have paid off because I had two guys on the freeway play the magnetic car flirt, wave and wink game. Why I am flattered by this tells you how many days a week I do not do full hair and makeup. I was feeling pretty, confident and ready to go in and kick some complexes in the booty. I drove up Camden only to discover there was a horrible accident at the intersection in front of Igor’s. An older woman was hit by a taxi. It was serious. She was taken away in an ambulance but she was conscious and clutching her Chanel bag.
This accident put a crimp in my parking and I had to park four blocks away. As I left the car I said to myself, “Self, why don’t you put the ballet flats in your purse just in case.” Self answered feeling cocky and pretty and Prada proud,”nah, I don’t need them. I am fine. I can walk four blocks in four inch heels.”
Block one: I was feeling good. I felt sure everyone who walked by me saw my shoes and were in full blown envy.
Block two: I am looking for pain. I feel none.
Block three: I started to notice that my left foot seemed to be turning out and even as I forced it back it just kept jetting out. Still pain free. I got a wink from a UPS guy and felt even more Prada pretty. I waited for the light to turn green at the intersection were the lady was hit. I walked across the street and I noticed a skinny bitch who seems to be giving the once over in the non-girl power way. I started to think “what are you staring at with that sneer, bi_ _ _?” and that is when it happened. I had lost my balance. I was like a surfer on a wave and I had two choices, I could wipe out or I could find my center and paddle and conquer this wave. I felt the tide rage under me. I made a desperate series of autonomic micro-adjustments that seemed to be keeping me upright. Once it was clear that I was not going down and that I would not be the second person at this intersection to go down in one day, I started to shake the way you do when you have just avoided being fashion road kill.
I sat in Igor’s waiting room and tried to get the adrenaline to leave my body by planning on how I would get back to the car without a hip fracture. I imagined calling He-weasel and having him leave work and drive over an hour so he could go to my car and get my flats and then drive back to work again. No, bad idea. I thought about taking a cab or about going barefoot. Before I could decide what to do Igor came out and invited me into his office. What did we talk about? Well, Wednesdays post did come up as did the event that proceeded it. We talked about my mother, my father and love and hate, Chicago and L.A., and the hole that exists in me that the f’n baby was supposed to fill. We, however, did not talk about my near death experience. I felt sure if we did the question about why I was wearing the shoes to see him would come up and I just couldn’t take that.
As soon as it was time to leave. I got up praying I would not fall on my ass in Igor’s office I imagined the whole scene and how my skirt would certainly go up over my head and I would reveal too much and the shame would overtake me and I would die. Igor would have to call He-weasel and tell him I was dead and Igor wouldn’t be able to see his 1:00 as he would be too distraught with grief and there was the matter of what to do with my body. So, I stood praying to a God that only exists in fox holes. My prayer was: “Dear God do not let me f’n fall.” My prayer was answered.
I made it out of the building and then I had to cross the fricking intersection again and I took each step more slowly and more deliberately than I have ever taken steps before. I had the kind of walking focus that one usually has in a labyrinth. My prayer continued, “Dear God do not let me f’n fall.” It felt like time stopped and that it took about an hour to get across the street. I walked into David’s shoes and I decided I would do one of two things. I would either call a cab to pick me up and take me three blocks to my car or I would buy a pair of shoes .
I was looking for flats. The only flats I could find were Tory Burch or athletic shoes. I kept looking. There had to be a shoe I could find that I could use again and not just for this fashion emergency. My confidence was broken, if not my neck, I held onto furniture for support as I looked on.
I found shoe # 3 in the great shoe rebuilding project. These lovelies are the Cybill by Kate Spade and they are a sweet and tame kitten heels that as soon as I got them on my fear of falling fell away. I told the sales girl I would be wearing them and why. It was then that she said what I wished she had not, “yeah, I saw you walking across the street and I thought to myself “good luck.” My shame was full. My Prada pretty had now been replaced by Spade salvation and a fair amount of shame. I walked to the car feeling less fierce and much more stable.
The girl at the shoe store was right, “save those shoes for sitting.”
I for one, am glad that you are still alive to tell this story! : )
So glad you didn’t fall on you a**. I cannot wear heels and when I saw those shoes I knew I couldn’t walk five feet in them. Bravo to you for walking as far as you did.
I think you know why you want Igor to acknowledge that you are smart, funny and attractive. I always wonder how one can get the things that they didn’t get when they were an infant or child. Do father figures heal when they can give one what they are missing? I don’t know. What has been your experience?
Very funny writing today, and I am sure you looked absolutely stunning in your black outfit. Walk carefully!
Black or chocolate suede?
So glad you did not fall…nightmares of every high heel lover! I’m impressed you walked so far. Just continue to enjoy those whistles you received!
I’m glad you’re still seeing Igor. It’s great to have a great therapist.
Christine
Hmm…wisalik…wisealek?
LOL! You made it through alive! I love kitten heels…sigh…
Cute and practical and you needed new shoes anyway – a blessing in disguise.
OMG, “a God that only exists in fox holes”. I f’n love that line! LOL
What a story! And written well once again. I seldom walk with high heels just to avoid falling on my face. I have been thinking about your post about the family friend. Many readers have expressed my feelings too. You don´t have to blame yourself in anyways. I suppose you have talked a lot about your childhood when in therapy. You know that it was impossible for you to understand your parents drinking habits,you being only a small child. That `something´has affected your growing up and very much influenced in to what kind of person you have become. This must be so clear to you. I have read that you have started therapy again. Is it something you really need,are there stones yet to turn? Maybe so. Eventually there comes a time when you must make yourself the question:Do I want a change in my life? The first step making a change is to forgive those who have done you wrong. I know that this is possible when the time is right. You learn to understand that your parents tried their best to be good parents,they just were unable to do better. Perhaps they too were ill-treated when they were little children. Every (almost) mother and father wants best for their child. Your parents (mine too) just couldn´t do better. Please try to forgive your parents( doesn´t include that family friend). Your mother won´t change and you know it. There is no happy ending for you and your mother. You can change. And the change starts by forgiving your mother. I have experienced this all myself. My mother is 86 years old. Our relationship has been bad from the very start. I have accepted that I can´t change the past and leaving all the hate I had for her by, everything is so much better for me. I´m sorry if this all seems difficult to understand,English is my 3rd language and I just have not been able to express my thoughts as clearly as I have wished. I hope though that here is a little something for you. Love, metscan
As much as I love the look of some 4+” heels (on the shelf, as I know better than to even try them on) I’ve always felt that women who could actually wear them, and especially those who claim they are comfortable, are another species entirely. I’m just very glad you didn’t fall and hurt yourself, and also that you’ve discovered David’s which is a treasure of a shoe store. Those Kate Spade’s are my kinda footwear!
Prada, or Boss, or Gucci can make a day. Yours our the recipients of the look.Be careful though! Danger is in the walking for sure.
Shoes like that aren’t meant to be walked in honey…not even meant to be worn in the street. They’re for those who do nothin’ but glide from room to room. Still, those Prada’s are mighty fiiiiine pumps….two blocks’ walkin’ woulda been fine.
And this is why I don’t wear four-inch heels anymore.
Um, Mr. UPS didn’t wink in that goofy Palin-esque way, did he? ’cause that just ain’t sexy.
Aw, you shouldn’t let one heel stumble rattle you so much! Keep calm and carry on, girlie! That said, this made me scream with laughter: “the shame would overtake me and I would die. Igor would have to call He-weasel and tell him I was dead and Igor wouldn’t be able to see his 1:00 as he would be too distraught with grief and there was the matter of what to do with my body.”
Yay! Congrats on keeping your balance! (Such an achievement). I certainly would have fallen- although I still wear the heels anyway.
I will also echo the comments of others and confirm (just from following your blog) that you are extremely smart and talented.
I’m hooked. I am a follower now.
kate spade can fix everything. She’s like a blam for the wounded feet…
I’m glad that you didn’t hurt yourself though – and don’t give up on those Pradas, they’re hot!
Whoa! So glad you are okay! You know, the saleswoman probably wasn’t being mean – she just knows the perils of walking in fabulous high heels.
Love, love, love the new shoes! In every dark cloud comes a silver lining (ooohh, cliche time!). And it sounds like you did some good work with Igor, too.
Mortifying! Love your new shoes though.
You are so brave to admit you wouldn’t mind your analyst thinking you’re attractive. I sort of labor under the same desire from men, and often ponder what touched off that conflict. Semi-absent daddy, I suppose. I particularly want men who I respect and admire to think that of me; the rest, I have no particular investment in.
xo –
M.
La Donna:Can you imagine being killed by Prada? I guess it would be a sort of glamorous way to go.
Julianne:It was amazing how fast I went from flying high to fear of falling. It is strange, they are comfortable to walk/stand in when I am not falling.;-)
I do know why. “Daddy do you love me?” This guy is really good. I am getting to stuff that I have never gotten to before. I think that I may be able to resolve some things with him that I thought were intractable.
Oh and you laugh at Birkenstocks!!
QED, Both my mother and sister have ‘stacked it’ on regular occasions, worst of all on their work cctv, giving all and sundry some entertainment. Your experience vindicates my decision to stay flat, and yet there is somehow a small aftertaste of injustice, because how is it fair that something that makes you look and feel so good can in the same breath conspire to humiliate?
Still at least you got to top up your shoe collection, which has to be a bonus.
Christine: Black suede. They are a great shoe and COMFORTABLE. I will get a lot of use out of them.
I am glad I made the decision to go back to therapy. He is good. It’s nice to feel that maybe I don’t have to feel this way forever and get to patterns I had not before seen.
Tatting Chic: I wasn’t sure I would make it. It was sssscary. Kittens are nice. 4 inch heels are mean but pretty.
Imogen: I do agree that these shoes are a good investment and it forced the purchase of shoe #3. Now I want my riding boots. How do I make that happen?
Cindy: I will admit that when that line came to me I felt as good as I do when I find a good shoe.
Metscan:Thank you for the compliment and I am so happy you enjoyed the story and the writing.
I have talked a lot about my family in therapy. I do think that the alcoholism and the pain and traumas of my parents have had a huge impact on me and who I am—and that is not all bad.
I do think there are stones left unturned and that being back in my hometown has made some issues unavoidable. Ultimiately that is good but it is also very activating/triggering.
All you said about forgiveness and understanding the reasons they were the way they were/are is true. I do think I have anger to feel before I get to forgiveness.
You are also very right about there being no happy ending for me and my mother. I think I have yet to get where you are—but in time I believe it is possible. I have some conscious anger to get through and then I can move out of the unconscious rage and into the next stage.
I thank you so much, Metscan, for your very thoughtful and easy to understand and very encouraging post. Thank you.
xoxo
Deja: The Pradas are not painful. Maybe if I had walked in them longer than four blocks they would have been. They are however very destabilizing. I still love them and I will wear them when no walking is required and when I have a He-weasel’s arm to hold onto.
David’s is having a BIG sale. You must stop by. Really good deals to be had. The Kate Spade’s are sweet. They have a little retro feel and I think they would be great with skirts and trousers. I am really liking them.
Dave: They can make a day or they can take your life. I am happy that they made my day and that I survived them and that they led me to another shoe.:-)
I can’t believe your shoes let you down like that. What now?
A lesser shrink than Igor might say you subconsciously sabotaged your walk in the Pradas in order to rationalize buying 3 pairs of shoes in a week! And buying 3 pairs gorgeous enough to make your readers envious! And that this sabotage gave you a great story that puts envious readers in the position of grudgingly sympathizing with your pain and not hating you for having 3 great NEW pairs of shoes! (and very good shoe taste!)
Personally, I think those Prada shoes can do much better than be sitting shoes. They can be shoes that take you for a 3-4 block walk every time you’re in the vicinity of a great shoe store. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge . . .
Braja:Yes, I must become a glider in these shoes and I also most glide on these on soft surfaces so if I fall I do not break my nose.
Randal: Anymore? LOL!!!!!
No, it was more the “OMG! You are the hottest weasel I have ever seen” wink, either that or he had something in his eye.
Wendy: It was not just a little wobble it was an inch away from total wipe out. But, I am not giving up on these beauties. I am considering having a rickshaw made so I can wear heels without danger.
I am not at all exaggerating. There would have been a literal mortification if I had fallen in front of him.;-)
Paula: I think 3 inches is as high as I can go for walking. 4 inches is just not meant for walking.
Thank you very much for your VERY kind affirmation. I really appreciate it.:-)))))
Comedy Goddess: Yay!! I did it!! I am glad I hooked you and I am delighted to see you in the follower bar.
Hey, I needed the money.
Just kidding. But what isn’t a joke is that I might actually be buying that new pair of sneakers and since you’ve been so kind over the years in not having me liquidated from not doing The Shoe Post®, I think I will anyway.
And I doubt it was something in his eye as you’re no doubt quite the hottie. Do people still use that term?
Kaili:As soon as I saw the pink lining on these lovelies I knew that they were my sole salvation. I happily walked about a mile in these shoes without incident. I even walked to the Kate Spade store in them with a spring in my step.
The Pradas are still on my favorite thing list. But, they need to be worn very strategically.
Belle, this is one of those perfectly balanced stories that leaves me laughing, sighing, crying–I sound like a bad movie reviewer: “I laughed, I cried…” but really, lady. This is just such good writing.
Thank you for baring your experiences. I know I’m right with you with some lovely moments of humiliations. I’m gearing myself up to be brave enough to share them someday…in the meantime, enjoy all of those great shoes, and get He-weasel to take you out this weekend so you can wear those Prada sitting-heels while you dine at a slick restaurant.
Kristen: I don’t think the sales woman was being mean at all. Yet, it was still humiliating. The shame!!
Hey, it is Platitude Friday and that is a good time to break out the “silver linings”.;-) They are cute, aren’t they? I am rather pleased with my purchase and was happy to get them at 50% off.
Igor is so good I wish I could afford to see him two times a week. But if I did that I couldn’t afford shoes.;-)
M: It was soooooo scary. I am serious. I had images of having to go barefoot in Beverly Hills if I got out of his office alive.
Why is it so embarrassing to admit that I want him to be attracted to me? Golly, it really is. Anyways, I am like you. I only want the super smart ones to feel that way. I could care less of “hot guys” looking at me. Just not where my pathology lies.
xoxo
Indigo: You know I love you, but I still laugh at your Birkenstocks.;-) I would rather face shame, broken noses and perhaps even death than surrender to a Birk!
Oh, the humiliation of stacking itin front of your co-workers. I feel for your sister and mum. Poor them!
I thank you for sharing in my outrage that something that is so beautiful can cause such havoc. It is just wrong!!
It was a great bonus to get another shoe out of it. I should be back to full shoe wardrobe in full time.
Enc: Once it was all over I was grateful for the story. That is what is great about blogging/writing is that every tradgedy has the potential for a good piece of writing.;-)
Mater:I am so glad that my shrink isn’t as smart as you or I would be in real trouble.
Hee-hee! I got three shoes in a week. I have managed to not make you hate me for it and I got a good story. Jeesh, I am good.;-)
And, I LOVE your plan for the Pradas. You are very, very good. I like how you think. Yes, must wear the Pradas shopping very often!!!:-)
Randal: I am not one to judge. Sometimes a man needs to don a four inch heel to keep himself in wine and Beethoven. I understand.
Hooray!! You made my day. I am so looking forward to The Shoe Post®. There will be much fete-ing of you for this.
I don’t know if the kids still use “hottie”. But, this weasel will happily take that moniker whether it is an antiquated term or not.;-)
Kirie: Le sigh, le blush and le merci. Thank you so much for that kind bouquet of compliments. I am tickled that you like it and that you found it balanced. I am really trying to go for balance: in my shoes, in my posture, in my life and in my writing. I wonder if I achieve it one area I will achieve it in all. That would be nice.
I do think humiliation and shame are often my best sources for material. It often is uncomfortable to admit it–but then when it is well received it is healing. Hey, I am not the only one to do this stupid thing or to have a wart named Bob. So, I am looking forward to reading about your moments. Be sure that I will be there and will most certainly identify with the feeling if not the exact incident.
Yes, the Prada shoes need to be taken to dinner. Crocodile shoes need to be fed or they get cranky.
xoxo
Shoes are just as important as Igor when it comes to good mental health.
Yikes. I’m so glad you didn’t fall and break your neck, lady. I know your pride is hurt, but better your pride than your collarbone. The Kate Spades are adorable, and make it clear that everything happens for a reason. Hope those Pradas get relegated to more sedentary activities.
Oh Cybil is purdy!
hugs. So glad you kept your balance and fierce determination.
Sounds like you need a smile…so here goes!
A few years ago, I had a date with a guy that was much younger. I wore a fabulous skin-tight black satin dress with sky high platform sandals. We were walking along the riverwalk in San Antonio when my ankle slipped and I went down. I sprained my ankle and ripped my spaghetti strap!
Disaster? Depends on how you look at it. The much younger hunk easily carried me back to the car…
Kristen: You are a very wise woman.:-)
Sal:You are so right. If I had actually hit the curb and had broken something and the resulting shame, I cannot imagine. But, if I did I can assure you I would have had He-weasel bring my laptop to the hospital so I could tell you all the stupid thing I did.;-)
I fear that the Pradas might trash talk the sweet and innocent Kate Spades. I am keeping them apart in my closet. The Pradas are next to my kick but boots that would not be intimidated by them. And, the KS are going next to my zebra slippers who are soft, friendly and nice.
Le Laquet: She is. Isn’t she?:-)
Jen: I need that hug and smile. It was so humiliating and scary.But, I survived.:-)
Oh, poor you. I am sure that at first you were so embarrassed–but then you got carried to the car. Nice save!!!:-)
hhahaahhaaa…. i know your pain. i felt like buying new shoes wearing my high high boots last weekend. i almost wanted bf to carry me on his back.
Yay for Prada! The things we do for love . . . and fashion . . .
xoxox,
CC
P.S. I never lie on my psychoanalyst’s couch either; it seems to have fallen out of favor as a therapy technique… maybe because of the lack of eye contact?
Savvy: Believe me, if He-weasel was there he would have been sent for the car. I admire your endurance for walking and not making him carry you.
Couture Carrie:Prada is pretty. But pretty is not always nice.;-)
Igor has an actual couch and pillow that is intended for lying on. I think that people do it. I will not be doing it. I did read that Freud had a fear of eye contact and that is what motivated the couch.
Haven’t felt ‘Prada Pretty’ in awhile, guess I need to do some shoe shopping. But would definitely carry the flats in the bag…lol
Have added you to my blogroll!
*sigh* I held Cybill in myne hot little hands just yesterday. Tell her I was asking about her.
This post is so good in so many ways!! Incisive, as always, but more to the point it’s flatly hysterical. In a Nora Ephron way. I totally understand the urge to look gorgeous for one’s therapist. I mean, after admitting to all the nuttiness, you’ve gotta have gorgeousness to fall back on
And look, you got a fantastic new pair of shoes out of the deal. On sale shoes. Just don’t give up on the Pradas. Or give them to me 
Derfina: Cybill is lovely. I will send her your regards. She is very comfortable and a classic. If well cared for I think she can last for years. Are you sure you don’t want to go back and claim your own?:-)
ahahahaha! great story! cheered me up! I feel your pain having to walk in extremely high heels.
K.line: I am tickled that you enjoyed. I enjoyed writing it. I am thrilled you think I share something with Nora Ephron other than I too “Feel bad about my neck.”
Yes, you understand exactly. My ugly insides are,well,ugly. So, I have to compensate with a little ooh-la-la-lovely. I love feeling so understood. You should be a therapist.;-)
Pradas are still my friend. But when you come to L.A. I will let you borrow them. You can wear them shoe shopping.;-) I’ll be there to lean on and to encourage you to buy shoes so you don’t fall down.
Alison: Happy to have cheered you up. I am off to blog to see why you need cheering up.
xo
The Duchess: You look Prada pretty to me.:-) Yes, I will forever more have back up flats with me.
I am delighted to be on your blog roll and so pleased to have you on mine.:-)
Dude, I feel you with the wanting to appear appealing to, you know, bus boys and dentists and bartenders.
Yesterday, I actually chose to drive three blocks instead of walk because I didn’t want all the people driving down the busy street to see my stupid, stupid outfit.
Soooo strange, I am sure I commented to this!
Anyway, I suppose it is a testament to your wonderful writing that I return and re-read your posts and all the great comments and of course your replies!
x
Sarah Von: Every time I type your name I think of the great jazz musician Sarah Vaughn.
Yeah, I guess it just adds to the pleasure of life to feel like we are being appreciated. This is something French men really know how to do, and not in a scary and invasive way like in some other countries( I am not naming names;-).
I cannot believe you own an outfit that is worth of two stupids. Do you?;-)
Pretty Face: I love that you come back and re-read. Actually I really-really love it. Because I am so grateful you want to read it just once. But twice? Wow!!!:-)
The comments are great, aren’t they?? I love comments. I think I made that very clear.;-)
Your post is exactly why I don’t wear heels. I just cannot walk in the buggers – I know they look lovely, but they hurt and I fall off them so I have given them up.
Last year I bought a very beautiful pair of high heeled laceups, but I just get them out and look at them, or stroke them, or try them on in my room then put them away.
You will have to save them for when you are with your he-weasel and can hold on to him to walk!
lol! another salute to those catwalk models & all the women of the world who raised their height by at least 4" !…and survive without any ambulance involved!
Alas raising our hair height is just not the same & hairspray is quite toxic anyway. Ahhh… love being a complex creature…hee*
Oy vey. I have a pair of four-inch L.A.M.B. booties that I adore, but I dread walking in them. Like I said at my place in the context of slingbacks, I prefer to pose all day.
Whenever I tried out the couch I promptly fell asleep.
Simply not stressed out enough I guess…ahem
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
PS
As for resolving family matters, I have become a HUGE fan of SUPERNANNY. She puts family matters in a certain perspective that makes resolution minus a shrink or even an apology unnecessary.
Quite a revelation IMO.
OK I read the post.
It was my impression that you can not walk in LA.
My 6-year old niece and I were stopped by a cop and nearly arrested for walking on the sidewalk. What did we know, being Easterners in a strange land?
Your post confirms my impression that it is dangerous to walk in LA.
Does the doc do house calls?
CA:I will not give up on high heels or these Pradas. I just cannot do it.
You must not give up on your lace ups. Save them for a valet parking night. Please? If they are good enough to pet then they are good enough to take out to dinner.
Lenore:I loved being over six feet tall. It felt soooo good. Really, if I could get a height implants I would do it. I agree tall hair is just not the same—it doesn’t make the but or the legs look any better.
Ms. Cavendish: I think our four inch heels are made for swanning. I have held onto that word ever since you wrote it. 4 inch shoes are for swanning the way that bathing suits are made for swimming.;-0
But you never bought them to walk, did you? Another great buy.
LOL- I always envy those glamorous women who dress up and look so chic, but you’ve reinforced why I stopped doing the teeter years ago.
I do hope the old lady is okay, but I have to say, I cracked up and splutterd my coffee all over the bench when i got to this bit. . .conscious and clutching her Chanel bag.
CarolG:I could never sleep for reasons I will not admit on this blog. Lets just say that sometimes when weasels are very-very-very tired that they may purr a little bit, very softly.
You cannot walk in L.A. But you can walk in Beverly Hills, Westwood, Santa Monica and at City Walk. Other than those areas and at the beach, no walking.
Doc will not even walk me to the door when I leave so I am guessing he will not drive an hour to see me.;-)
Duchesse: No, the walking shoes are my MBTs. These Kate Spades can go for a walk though. Very good for shopping, museums, and after dinner strolls.
Michelle: I feel sure that Chanel lady is okay. I so no blood, no ivs and no wincing of pain. I realized the humour of it as soon as I saw her in the stretcher and she was holding so tight to that bag that I thought she might suffocate it. Poor dear. I hope she’s okay. And, I am glad I made you laugh.:-)
Don’t listen to that sales girl! Wear those Prada’s around your house and practice, practice, practice!!! They’re too beautiful to NOT show off. I loved, loved the story! And btw, if you have decided NOT to wear the Prada’s, I can give you my address to send them to…
Sassy: Do you think I could learn to walk in 4 inch heels? Okay, I will practice. Perhaps I just need to start training. I’ll let you know how it goes. And even if it doesn’t get any easier I am still going to wear them.
First–awesome blog! I have a wide variety of heels…some for “sitting at the office” days, some for “standing in court” days, and others for “my car isn’t parked too far away” days…The trials of being a woman! Glad you made it!
And, yes, the recent blog post over in my corner of the internet is a true account…names have been changed to protect the insanity
I’m just wondering now how your doctor should really read your blog. That way he will really know what’s in your head!!
There was a period in my life when I spent an hour a week with a Jungian analyst who only ever asked me questions whose answers I found more and more disturbing. Never once was I told I was clever, correct or cute. Never was I praised for my clarity, couture or choice of cologne. One day I said my money could be better spent on clothes, cuisine or culture. Out I strode in my strong woman high heeled boots and slipped on a patch of black ice ten feet from my car. I spent the next ten days lying flat with time enough to consider the answers to those questions I’d planned to avoid.
I still like high heeled Danskos and Borns but I walk too much for stilettos. You write so well about the joys and foibles of fashion I’m amazed.
Do people say “too” now? In France they say things are “too much” with an adorable accent, so if has been shortened to just “too” I need to let people know.
I’m sure you’ll find lots of reasons to go out somewhere and sit now! A creative challenge if I ever saw one . . .
Well all I can say is that your arse isnt big enough and you need to eat more brownies.
When wearing the skyscraper heel, think “Wait Back” which is to remind you to keep your “WEIGHT back” It does cause you to wiggle ala Marilyn in “Some like it hot” which is why blokes love us to wear heels, but it keeps your centre of gravity, anchored. That way you don’t lose the psychogical edge.
You see, if you saw a naked foot in a 4 inch heel you could see why it just doesnt work. The same way that looking too hard at a Boeing 747 can make you wonder how it flies. (too scary when you have to get on one)
So you must think of the weight in your trunk as an anchor that keeps you upright and if you let yourself lean back into the heel, it works. The bigger your arse the better. WEIGHT back.
Am fascinated to hear about Igor. I am too cheap to pay for psychoanalysis (I just bore everyone on my blog instead)
Does it help?
xx
Belette Rouge, what a hoot. I loved the idea of you all glam and Ivan off in a trance. Fab Carla
La Bel baby: I left you a little treat in my sidebar…scroll down to Talk Show Host 1, when you click on it….well, the rest shall be self-explanatory….read the extra post I put up and it all makes sense
This is probably the most entertaining near-death experience story I have ever read. And that little “too” bit? You have got to write a novel, belette! xxoo
p.s. I always feel good when the truckers honk at me. Doesn’t matter who they are are what they look like or how many other women they’ve honked at that day. They honk at ME and it makes me feel Prada pretty, without the Prada.
LBR: Do NOT give up on those Prada shoes. Just the thought of them kept ME alive this past week. If you absolutely cannot walk in them anymore, save them for bedtime — although it (only sometimes) feels weird to wear shoes under the covers.
WV: intab — when you have something in your closet you haven’t taken the tags off of yet; i.e., “That blouse is still intab.”
Your new shoe collection is positively building itself! I hope you thought of me when you bought the shoes. I would have been there to save you in person if I could, but I just sent the shoes – I have powers you know!!
that’s an expensive 4 blocks missy! At least you were in BH!
So, I feel you w/ the ‘wanting guys to notice you for you and not your looks’ thing. That’s how I’ve been in my adult life bc in my childhood I was sexually abused and the learned behavior from that was that I was only good for my body. Well, in adult life I try to counteract that and get validation for me being me, not for my body. Okay-sorry to ramble about that-but you totally reminded me of how I used to be before my ‘realizations’ in life emerged a few years ago (not a fun phase of life, but totally worth it in the end because I am happier and KNOW myself).
About almost falling-that is hilarious!
oh sweet jesus- that was SO goddamn funny!
Oh, ma belle, I’m so glad you didn’t fall. You could have hurted yourself.
But I’m sorry this is such a funny story. Again a good writing.
Hope you’re having a nice weekend, my sweet.
xoxo
La belette, I’m really glad to hear that you didn’t come to any harm. However, I feel that you need to ensure you NEVER fall in those Prada shoes so I am willing to look after them for you until you feel able to walk in them again. Yes, I am that generous! Just let me know when you have them parcelled up and I will send you my address.
Btw, what size are the Prada lovelies? I take a UK size 7 (US size 9?). Not that it makes the slightest difference on my offer to care for them you understand…
Oh, God love you Miss LBR, you are a far braver soul than TP! I love your foxhole prayer. It is at that point we usually try cutting a deal with God, the "God, if you could see your way clear to _____, then I will _____. I promise. I really mean it this time God. Honest."
The Kate Spade pumps are darling! Hopefully you were able to get them at the reduced price???
BTW, thank you for *all* the fabulous J Crew updates; it's good to know things ended up turning out okay.
Grins & Giggles from here to there!
PS: So glad they were on sale;
PPS: Even happier to read you will *not* be doing the couch thing, it completely freaks me out.
PPPS: Despite the method in which you acquired the new Kate Spades, you do have a shoe replacement issue. It’s the shoe bunny’s way of saying “Buy more, buy more.”
Swanning is indeed a lovely way to go through the day . . .
This is a v. timely post for me to read as I've been flirting with the possibility of wearing big heels. One of my students (aged 15-16) was gently stroking a pair of four inch heels in class the other day. Some other girl had bought them in for her to wear to a Formal that night & I tried them on & of course had to have a photo taken of me trotting around in them.
But I absolutely couldn't walk in them at all.
I really don't know how anyone, including Sarah Jessica Carrie Bradshaw does it.
So I'm glad you couldn't walk in them either!
Great story
cheers
Sue