The very dear and very talented Fifi Flowers knows my strong antipathy towards L.A. and so she created this little doodle of me leaving L.A. and heading for Paris. I love that L.A. International Airport is behind me and Paris is in front of me. I am also keen on how thin and relaxed I look. Merci, Fifi, for the lovely portrait.
Just the other day He-weasel asked me if I ever wanted to go to Paris again. I was shocked by his question. It was like being asked if I ever wanted coffee again or if I planned on sleeping anytime in the next decade. I was so disoriented by the question that just for a moment I had this strange feeling like I was in a dream or as if He-weasel was speaking a foreign language. I tried to shake away the cobwebs from my head by blinking my eyes rapidly and then cocking my head as one does when one is trying to understand the impossible.
“Of course I want to go back to Paris. Why do you ask? I barked incredulously.
“Well, you never talk about it or write about it. You haven’t written about Paris on your blog for months and I wondered if you were mad at Paris.” He said carefully as if he was asking me if I was mad at him and that he didn’t really want to hear the answer.
I assured him that we would go back—”of course we’ll go back”. We even made manic and abstract plans and talked about maybe going for Easter. But all the while as we planned and dreamed I thought about what He-weasel said and I wondered what he meant about me being mad at Paris.
As crazy as it sounds I thought he might be right. I might be mad at Paris. I have been giving Paris the silent treatment. But why? Hmmmm…. I think I might be mad at all that kept me from taking my summer trip to Paris. I am angry that my dream was not strong enough to come true. And, I think I have lost a little hope that a city, a journey or even my beloved Paris are strong enough to fix me of my hole of hopelessness. I had once believed Paris held a power to make me whole; now I am like a born again atheist having lost my religion of expectation.
I guess that I am mad at Paris. I don’t think Paris has noticed and if it has it hasn’t said anything.
You know, I am mad at Paris too, not that it could care less.
But it really did dump on me, what with the horrible freezing apartment in block full of psycho lunatics, the many dispiriting interviews culminating in an unmissable offer to work for the most psychotic lawyer in the city, repeated unprovoked aggression from old ladies on the street, people tutting at my falling down jeans, woman slapping my son in sand pit, etc etc.
I am trying to forgive and forget. After all, it’s been nearly 4 years and my last trip, for work, involved kir royale and macaroons at Ladurée and dinner at the Plaza Athénée. But Paris had better continue to be on its best behaviour..
You have to come back though Belette, so we can meet up and eat macaroons and lust after shoes. Great post anyway!
How can Paris NOT notice you!?!
By the way, you do look lovely in the drawing! : )
Paris *has* noticed, and it totally feels bad. See? http://www.flickr.com/photos/hitchica/185057997/
Gosh, I hope that you and Paris can work it out. And that I never use the word “gosh” again.
Maybe Paris has noticed but is sulking as it feels too ashamed to admit that it’s done anything wrong? Time is a great healer and I’m willing to bet that given half a chance it won’t be long before it shows how much it misses you xx
Paris ought to care, but it is the kind of place that thinks it is superior to all others so it is probably so busy holding its nose in the air that is has not yet realised. You must still go back there though if you decide to punish Paris by going somewhere else, try Amsterdam, it is my all time favourite.
Great doodle. (and wv is fashidea!)
Gads. I live here (well in the burbs but I commute into Paris every day for work) and I wish I could give Paris a good dose of the silent treatment. Late trains, rainy weather, nasty bakers in the boulangeries. Hélas. It’s like giving the silent treatment to a cat. Paris could care less what I think. Bother.
My French is not understood in Paris. As in most of France. The Quebecois French quite a bit, but my Acadian French is a total bastardization of their beautiful language.
I curse my ancestors for their sojourn to Louisiana in the expulsion. And then they had the nerve to come back and talk like James Carville and speak French in a like manner.
So in Paris, they snub me and my French. Still love them though, and the city.
Fear not La Belette, Paris still speaks very highly of you.
YES Please write about Paris again…or the trials and tribulations about trying to get there. Miss it too!
What has Paris done for you lately? And I firmly believe it’s not a good relationship if there’s no good fighting. Gets the blood boiling, and then, well, you know.
What a very powerful post- thank you for this. I have always believed moving elsewhere will help me feel complete (and I still sometimes do), this post meant a lot for me.
I hope you won’t stay mad at Paris for long
If Paris has done you wrong, I will kick its ass.
I’m mad at Paris and we’ve never even met.
But like an old, much loved mistress, Paris will always leave her door open for you.
You let Paris have a nice long sulk. Paris will come back to you when Paris is ready to apologize.
Paris is probably too busy feeling superior to notice how much she misses you. Even if she is in a snit she will welcome you back.
Sometime we need to be mad at everything and everyone — it is the loss of the magic — but someday it will hit you and Paris that the magic is always there waiting to envelope us in its arms.
Have you tried Paris, TX? That ought to be fun and chic at Easter!
That is soooooo interesting… you made me think… hmmmmmm.. I should me mad at Paris too. What has it ever done for me… but make me yearn to be there!
I always think of Paris as the place of magic and the place where nothing could go wrong.
I even have a plan that part of my remains be taken there MANY years from now… why do I feel that way? hmmmmmmm
I think I need a trip to Paris to see if we can reconcile these feelings… I don’t want to be mad at Paris! It is my fantasy place!
Ahhhh, what a wise he-weasel you share your life with. Personally, we think Paris is hurt by your unhappiness and probably pouting.
Actually, she is probably pouting anyway because that is what she does, with the exception of those rare and isolated days where she is all shiny and sparkly.
Miss Belette, the J. Crew t’neck *must* go back! For pete’s sake, that is pathetic, especially after what you went through to acquire it.
We suggest you put a big old bullseye on J. Crew and consider transferring some of the Paris feelings to that location.
tp
I wonder if you might rather be protective of Paris — having had some mistreatment by some big, bad serious universe meanies somewhere, you’re not exposing Paris to them, but keeping it close until the bad guys move along, until it’s safe to let the Paris dreaming out into the light again.
It’s not Paris’ fault. Blame Chimpy. That’s what I always do and I feel better for a handful of nanoseconds.
Jaywalker: I am glad I am not the only one. Paris does seem indifferent, doesn’t it. Actually, I am starting to think that Paris is just not that in to me and it might not even know I exist.
Your time in Paris sounds particularly unkind and unglamorous.
But, that last trip, that is a different Paris and that is the one that I love.
Shoes, macarons and shopping with you could make me forgive Paris for many things.:-)
La Donna: I wondered the same thing and yet nothing.Thank you. I do think she caught my essence and she got my good side.;-)
Sarah Von: No wonder I haven’t heard a word, Paris a mime.;-) LOL!!!!
Marinka:Don’t feel bad, I have been to use gosh and even golly. And, I think I can say with total objectivity that golly is MUCH worse than gosh. If Paris doesn’t call soon I might consider looking around at other cities just to make Paris jealous.
BCB: Paris must understand that communication is the key to a good relationship. Paris knows where I am and if it wants to talk I am just a phone call or a plane ride away.
I sure hope you are right and that Paris shows up sooner rather than later. A girl can lose hope if not given even the smallest encouragement.
Alienne: You have spoken my biggest fear and I think truth be told Paris never really knew me and doesn’t even know I am gone.
Paris, do you hear me?? I am going to go to Alienne’s favorite city. I am going to Amsterdam. So there!!!
Mrs. C: You have reasons to be irritated with Paris. But, I wonder if living there is like a long term marriage and you come to expect that there will be annoyances and irritants. I am more in the courtship phase and I am not at all pleased by Paris’ distance. Really, Mrs. C, I feel like Paris is thousands of miles away from me.
ROFLOL!! “It’s like giving the silent treatment to a cat.” That is it exactly!!
I have a similar rift with North Carolina. And West Virginia. Though for very superficial reasons I won’t go into here . . . Paris will welcome you back whenever you are ready, making those sad puppy dog eyes one can never really stay mad at.
I’m sorry you didn’t find what you were looking for in Paris. Sometimes it takes NOT finding it where you thought you would to actually find it! Good luck!
Paris is ticking a lot of people off today. My friend who lives there just emailed me this morning and said life sucks right now because of living in Paris: her husband lost his job, it’s cold and ugly there, and she wants to go back to Toulouse….
So, dear dear Samos Sis, it’s ok to be provoked by Paris, and to be mad it hasn’t filled your hole. It hasn’t filled anyone’s I know who lives there. Just stay away from the “Paris is Perfect” style blogs. We know the truth. Paris Pisses us off sometimes.
Bisous,
CC
It sounds like Paris is being quite the snob right now. Ignore it until it starts to be nice again and then kiss and make up. But don’t give in too easily – make it buy you some flowers and chocolate first.
Paris may be martyring it out waiting for you to come back.
I have been missing Paris madly the last week or so. I’ve had the longing so well compartmentalized for the last year, but something — I don’t know what, exactly — busted it out something fierce. And it must be going around, because last night, my husband said, “Damn. I wish we were going to Paris for Christmas. I don’t know why, but all of a sudden, Paris is in my brain.” And now come to find out that it’s in your brain, too, Wease. I wonder what’s up with that.
How shall we all indulge by proxy in our Paris State of Mind without actually going? That is the question.
Of course, it is now winter, and it was winter in which I had my first taste of Paris. Perhaps the cold weather and white-grey sky has triggered the jonesing.
Anyway, how to indulge by proxy? How??
By the way, that sketch is total madness!
xoxo
I agree with enc – Paris is just so stricken that you haven’t visited, it’s speechless.
It’s okay. Paris is very forgiving, and maybe you will be over your mad by spring. I am personally lobbying for both Paris and Rome when we do Europe part Trois in April.
Oh sweetie. Paris forgives you and wants you back. Paris told me that she wants you to come back shop, buy a baquette, frolic in a water fountain and wear a baret that you can throw in the air.
I was wondering about the same thing actually. You have never mentioned Paris again. I was curious what happened with the Visas, the Greek citizenship etc. Never heard (read) a single thing.
You were mad at Paris (or a lost dream).
You know what, Easter time sounds great, spring in Paris sounds even better. By that time you can also fix your lost shoe collection, don’t think that you can walk through Paris streets in those Pradas
Is he perhaps planning to do anything about that? Such as arrange a reconciliation?
Oh that drawing is too cute, ma belle.
Let the Universe speak to you… maybe isn’t yet the right time to go to Paris.
Hear the voice in your heart, you will know when the time will come.
Great post
Big hug
xoxo
The answer is not in Paris, my friend. It’s much closer than that. xxoo
What a cute drawing! I’m mad at Paris for not letting me be there right now! Last year I had seven of the best consecutive days of my life there and now I’m angry for not letting me there nw.
I was going to do an ‘ode to Paris and my favourite shoes’ on my blog sometime this week, but now I’m simply too mad
xx
parallel lives, I tell you. The UK doesn’t care that I love it so. I’m not mad at it, but I’m a little sad that MY dream is getting to be more and more JUST a dream. I keep with the ‘some day’ thing, but the reality? Meh. There will always be something.
Dave: I know the Parisians are sticklers for accent. My French teacher who was from Britany said that sometimes in Paris people would pretend not to understand her as she did not speak like a Parisian.
I am one of the rare exceptions that finds James Carville to be cute. I love his passion, loyalty and even his accent.
NotSupermum : Really? I didn’t think it even cared.;-)
CarolG: I am not ready to invest in a dream. I just don’t have it in me and Paris is very much a dream. I will write about Paris as soon as I can. Be patient, it may take some time for me to get there. That is,unless you want to take me with you next time you go.
Fashion herald : Paris has done diddley squat for me. We are not fighting. We are doing nothing. I rented a French film, maybe that will get Paris’ attention.
Paula: Thank you. I am glad you get what I am saying.I had so hoped that going to Paris would heal the loss I feel and I know Paris can do many things but I do think even it has its limits.
As soon as Paris gives me an inch I will take my frequent flyer miles.:-)
WendyB: I know you have plenty of kick ass in you, hence your award nomination!!! Please, Wendy, kick Paris’ ass.;-)
Braja:I am not at all mad at India. I am mildly irritated by the cobras they have that may forever keep me from visiting you.
Indigo1:Really? I am happy you think so. It is good to hear.:-)
Tessa:I will sulk and Paris will go on and live its beautiful life. Maybe when I am done sulking Paris will show up.
Mardel:Paris is within her rights to feel superior. She is. It never occurred to me that Paris might be mad at me too. Hmmm… I wonder what I could have done to her.;-)
You have it, Mardel. I am mad at the loss of dreams, magic and the miraculous—and Paris is all that and a bag of macarons.
Comedy Goddess: I am even madder at Texas than I am at Paris.
Fifi Flowers: Yes, Paris is a tease and she tempts, seduces and then she kicks you out of your hotel just when you were really falling for her.
Like you, Paris has always been a mythical perfect place where nothing can go wrong. I think I no longer believe in that. My belief in that kind of magic no longer exists.
Wow! I am amazed how strong and clear my personal reaction was to your plan of taking your ashes there( meaning, would I want to do that?). I immediately knew I wouldn’t want that for myself. I would prefer, if I could make reincarnation a reality, to be born in Paris in my next life than to have my remains there. For me, it would feel sad to be there longer in death than I was in life. Interesting. Thanks, Fifi for expanding my self-awareness.
I, for no, am without a fantasy place. That doesn’t mean I don’t love Paris. I do!!
And, I love your doodle. Merci mon amie!!!:-)xoxoxo
TPP: My weasel is very wise. I like your take on it.
I do like Paris when she pouts or when she smiles with sunshine. Either way I like her. But, just because I like her doesn’t mean I can’t be mad at her.
I called J Crew and I gave them hell. I am soooooooo mad at them. Now I have no Merino turtlenecks and I don’t know where to get one that doesn’t have crappy quality. Shame on the Crew!!!!
Believe me, J.Crew has not heard the last from this weasel. There will be a letter.
xoxo
Mater: You are very, very, very wise. And, you are right. I am in grief, active grief and I had for a while hoped that Paris could cure my loss but since then there has been much more loss and I really see that the darkness and depression I am are at odds with Paris.
Once I am feeling better and the dark lords of the universe quit playing games with my life I might be able to bring Paris back into my psyche as then it will not be contaminated by this darkness or in danger of destruction.
The wisdom if the psyche is quite extraordinary. Isn’t it?
Randal: Chimpy? Nah, that rage towards him is too real to be used for another purpose. But, I am tickled it gives you a second or twos relief.
Be careful with the silent treatment, I hear Paris can hold a wicked grudge!
Oh, and yes…I thought the Thank You card was a little presumptuous on their part…
Paris would roll the red carpet to match your new red shoes
He-weasel sounds like a darling hubby LB! Make sure to drop by Hermes; Rue du Faubourg Saint-Honoré…tell them to install a cable box & I'm moving there real soon!
Andromeda: Have you tried the puppy dog eyes with North Carolina? if so, how did it work?;-)
SassyTwoSocks: That is profound. Wouldn’t it be funny if I found it in L.A.? Or not?;-)
CC: I am glad I am not alone. I am so sorry to her about your friend’s Paris provocation.But, I cannot go as far as your friend. I still think Paris is beautiful.I didn’t even know anyone who is doing a Paris is perfect blog anymore. Are there such blogs?
Kristen I am totally ignoring it. I will hold out for chocolates, champagne and a neck massage.;-)
Enc: If I hold out long enough will Paris give up its martyr role?
Marsi:So funny that Paris both came out of its compartment for both of us at the same time.
I don’t think I am even ready for Paris by proxy.I think I have work to do here before I can go to Paris. Annoying, huh?
Sweet of Fifi to draw a weasel-doodle, huh?
xoxo
Sal:Paris is going to have to find its words.;-)
Derfina:April in Paris and Rome. That sounds nice. I would through Florence in there too, if I were you.
Laura: It sounds to me like Paris has been watching reruns of the Mary Tyler Moore show.;-) And, next time Paris talks to you would you ask it to call me. It has my number.
Anony:Visas we did get from France. Citizenship we did not get from the Greeks. They still say He-weasel is from Turkey. So, should something miraculous happen we could go to France for as long as a year.
Anony, after all that we have gone through this year, I am craving stability and security above adventure and newness.
I think a week in Paris is as much as I want to do at this point. I do imagine that by spring I will have more shoes and maybe even some that I can walk in.
Duchesse:Nothing firm, but we are talking about going for Easter. I think it would be nice to spend sometime with Paris and see if we can resolve our differences.
Seeker:Wasn’t that so sweet of her?
I am not in a big hurry to get back. Glad you liked this post.
Big hugs to you.xoxo
Irene: Hmmm…. But where?
Pretty face: I was so thrilled. I love weasel art!!! I am also mad at Paris for not letting you be there now.
Sorry if I triggered your angry. I still hope you write about your favorite shoes and Paris.
Amy:I am so sorry that circumstances, life, etc. has gotten in the way of your British dreams. It is much easier for me to believe that it will happen for you than for me. I am rooting for you.
Temple: That grudge can go two ways.;-)
They should have started with an invitation and then moved onto a thank you card, should you of accepted their invitation.
LENORENEVERMORE: When we go to Paris we want to come stay with you at Hermes!!!:-)
Since I lived in both Paris and Montreal at different times there’s a favorite quote pour tu:
“In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language.”
Mark Twain
Of course you’ll return and she will wait for you.
Paris has been out getting some new shoes for you – she’s just been busy finding the most gorgeous shoes for your new shoe wardrobe.
Susan:You lived in Paris and Montreal? LE sigh!! Lucky lady!!
Thank you, I think you are right. I will return. I am not sure of the fantasy will. But that is okay.
Imogen: I hope that Paris consulted with you about the shoes!:-)
Please email me your contact info
I am currently not mad at Paris – in case it’s listening – as I have to drive through on Friday night and I’d like the Peripherique to be clear, car free and easy. I have fond memories of living there and particularly of lunchtimes on the Il de la Cite and Sunday morning strolls.
Hey there!!
I hope you can come out to Paris and we will all finally get to meet you!!!
Leese
I’ve had similar feelings about Paris lately, although for different reasons. I’m so dispirited right now that I’d be afraid to go to Paris. Because if Paris couldn’t make me happy, what could? I wouldn’t want to spoil the illusion at any rate.
love this post and love the illustration! would love to live in Paris,it was one of y dreams some time ago.
muah
Marian
WendyB: Sorry I am late on this post.
Leesa:I do too. I look forward to meeting all you lovely Paris/expat bloggers.:-)
I heart: You have hit the nail on the head if why I think I have removed Paris from my consciousness, “if Paris couldn’t make me happy, what could? I wouldn’t want to spoil the illusion at any rate.” That is exactly it and that is why I am not thinking, dreaming or talking about Paris.
I do hope that for both of us that life returns to normal and our spirits will be restored to such a level that we can once again dream of Paris. That would be nice.:-)
Marian: So nice to see you here. I am so glad you liked. I too heart the illustration. Fifi did another weasel doodle for me that I will be posting soon. Hope you come back soon!:-)
There are no Paris stories yet but there are a couple about Montreal if you have a little reading time
I ask that question myself often – would I ever go back?
It’s not so much the city itself. It’s the idea of it and the perception that is attached to it.
I remember still how I used to complain – how dirty things are… dog poop all over the place, pickpockets, crappy water supply, and so on.. I still would like to go BACK.
Susan: Please, Paris stories-please!!.I so would love to hear about your time in Paris!:-)
Songy: I will go back. And, I feel sure that when I do I will fall totally and hopelessly in love all over again.
I think that I am in love with the idea of Paris and the reality. But, I never saw the dog poop pickpockets,etc. So, I guess I still have that new lovers denial going.
DCup:Thanks for the warning. I might avoid Dijon now that I know his reputation.