This a.m. I took my seventh dose of Wellbutrin and here is the update on how I am doing. In several days I have not had that feeling like I am in a psychic elevator going down-down-down with no stop in sight. So, yeah, that is a good thing. And, I am not crying( that is also very good)and so my eyes do not look like water logged pink sea anemones that are immune to the healing power of eye masks.
As of Wednesday I felt good enough to shower, washed my hair and had the enormous psychic and physical strength required to flat iron it. Once I saw how good my new red hair looked I was emboldened to do my full skin care regimen which is really good because just a week of no Patricia Wexler Anti-aging Skincare routine, very little water, no exercise and no foods that are rich in vitamin content and I am starting to look like one of those dehydrated apple carvings you see sold at old timey general stores. You know the ones, carved up, dried up and emaciated apple dumpling gang: There’s Ma,Pa, the kids, and even dried up apple teacher, cop and apple doctor who all could have benefited from some Renova, a bottle of smart water and some Anthelios SPF 40.
I have lost some weight, I am not sure how much as I refuse to own a scale. How I know I have is the Gap skirt that arrived fell off me when I tried it on. I had tried the very same skirt int he very same size at my local store and it fit perfectly( i.e. it would have been great if I lost 5 pounds and wore a pair of Spanx) . Yes, I will complain about having to deal with the exchange. If I was not feeling melancholy I would be over the moon that I had lost some weight and had gone down a size. But, over the moon is something I am not feeling these days.
Eating has not been something I have felt like doing. My diet is limited to fresh raspberries, Pirate Booty, Yoplait yogurt,and some macaroni and cheese He-weasel made in attempt to rouse my appetite. But, I just don’t feel like eating. I know this is one of the diagnostic criteria for depression—and I am sure that once the Wellbutrin has had some time to work I will once again be eating full meals.
And, I am not dressing, this is my biggest shame and something I didn’t want to admit to you. I just hate to admit that my White Brooks Brother’s terry cloth bathrobe is my constant comfort couture that I am wearing during this emotionally dark season. I do have He-weasel call me to tell me when he is on his way home and I then find my way to the bathroom and wash my face and brush my teeth and do something with my hair so I don’t look like a crazy person and then I enter the closet and find an outfit that I can tolerate to wear. Comfort is key when dressing to depress.
All this said, I am feeling better. It is good to not be crying. It is good to not feel like the grief will take over any time and floor me. It is not good to have no libido to get out or to do anything. I have made some idol self threats about going to the grocery store or the post office today. I am not sure it will happen. But, maybe in the next seven days I will feel a little better.