I woke up this morning with a profound and distinct craving for my little village in the North Shore of Illinois. Actually, it feels more like an ache than a craving. I am not sure where this came from. Perhaps because today is Friday and it is spring and that means it is Farmer’s Market day in Lake Bluff. That means that if I woke up in my North shore home, instead of our town home in Austin, I would be getting dressed and walking to the farmers market. I would marvel at the green trees and all the flowers that survived the harshness of winter in their earthen beds. I would look at the overpriced fruits and vegetables and I would taste a sample of cheese that I would not buy. I would laugh at the puny wimpiness of Michigan strawberries and compare them in my mind with SoCal berries of my childhood that were the size of apricots. I would see all the North shore women with their North shore babies and their Labradors and Golden Retrievers. I would stand behind two ladies who know each other from one of the many country clubs and they would be talking about their children and how well they were doing in school and what their summer plans are. I would buy a bouquet of spring flowers, as I did every week. I would wonder, as I waited for my arrangement to be constructed, how I got to live in a place with so much beauty. I would, as I always did, tell myself what a great place this is for kids. Every time I went out in Spring or Fall if I was with anyone I would say out loud, “I am so lucky to live here. It is so beautiful.” I said it like a prayer hoping it would protect me from ever having to leave.
After I got my flowers, I would walk to Bluffington’s cafe which would be buzzing with spring activity. I would get a decent cup of coffee and then I would walk my flowers home and leave them in my sink. I would stop for a moment to marvel at the beauty of my backyard and once again I would say to myself, ‘I am so lucky to live here.’
Then I would walk the few blocks to the lake and sit on a bench over viewing the lake. My seated meditation would be one of gratitude. I would sit and breath in the blue of Lake Michigan and marvel at its vastness. I would feel a peace and gratitude that I never felt in front of the Pacific. I would sit and contemplate the day and what it would hold for me and all the while, repeating the mantra, “this is my home; this is where I live. I am so lucky.” All the prayers, and the gratitude did not protect me. And, in retrospect, I feel that my profound awareness of my good fortune and my endless appreciation of the beauty of the Bluff was prescient.
As I am in Austin, and not Lake Bluff, this morning I will drink my coffee and eat my cereal and turn on the A/C and look out at the view from our patio. I will watch traffic go by and feel the heat on the patio door radiating into our temporary home. And, I will say a different kind of prayer.
Picture #1: Lake Bluff Park Gazebo from here.
Picture #2: Lake Bluff Farmers Market from here.
Picture #3: View from our dining room.
Picture #4: View of our back yard.
Picture #5: View of Lake Michigan from Lake Bluff from here.
wow you brought that small town feel right home to me. now I am reconsidering France for Lake Bluff! (okay well yeah that’s a bit much) … so which of the many many posts do I read to discover why the hell you left paradise for hades?
JNRR:Your blog name should be an inspiration for me not to regret. But, today I am home sick with a capital SICK! I miss my little Mayberry. I miss that absolute quiet and peace and all that beauty. Le sigh! I want to go to the airport.;-)
And,JNRR,it all started here.
That IS indeed beautiful, and you also painted a beautiful word picture of your life there.
I am sorry that you aren’t there. But soon, you may be thinking about your home there…whilst looking out into the streets of Paris.
Hugs…
CC
CC/CC/SS: Lake Bluff really is beautiful. But, it did have it’s down sides. Winters were rough. Summers are incredibly humid. And, everybody had a baby but me.
At least in Austin not everyone seems to be in happy family mode.
It is strange to think I will one day look back with fondness on my time ins Austin—but all things are possible.:-)
in time you may find the same beauty in Austin. Or not. I did the same wishing in the recent NYC visit. (or the Oahu visit) and inevitably the conclusion is NO- I’ve done my time at either places. I had fun at either. And was looking very much forward to coming back for the high desert of Albuquerque. To my yard. And two dogs. To my suburbia.
I do hope you will feel more at home soon. And discover pieces of the good stuff from your past close to your backyard (but in more humid climes). Bon weekend!
Your post brought back a lot of memories for me. There is a place here in Oregon that I have the same longing for. Sometimes the missing actually physically hurts.
I love your post.
S.U.R.: I do feel like if it was fall our winter my assessment of Austin would be much more favorable. I just cannot get past the weather.
And, I think Austin is a strange combination of city and suburb that doesn’t work for me. I enjoy the extremes of city and suburb(of a certain kind)and I find the places that are a blend of both are much less appealing to me.
It is good to go back, like you did with NYC and Oahu, to discover that they are no longer for you. Sure, you can appreciate all they have to offer–but it is so great to be come home to a place that is really and truly your home.
Hope you have a great weekend!
p.s. Are there pictures of your dogs on your blog. Must see them!
Heehee, I meant you’d be thinking about Lake Bluff in Paris.
I don’t have high hopes for fond memories of Austin, lol!
Kristen: You are so sweet! I am really pleased you like this post and that it sent you into memories of a town you miss. Perhaps you will post about it on your blog?
And, I know that feeling of physical pain for a place. I feel it today.
Give yourself a few weeks, and then tell me what your prayer/mantra is from France. What’ll make it even sweeter is remembering this moment, this morning, and how crummy your prayer was. You’re in the home stretch, dear heart!
xoxo –
M.
Isn’t this strange . . . I’ve been craving my own Chicagoland. I miss it SO in springtime. It’s interesting we’re both craving at the same time.
xx
CC/CC/CC: I do have a few great memories of Austin. B coming to visit was one such memory. The first time I tasted queso. And, I think the memory of leaving Austin will stay with me for years.;-)
M: Yes, you are so right. I will remember my Austin prayer and I will be filed with gratitude when that prayer comes true.
I look forward to discovering my Paris mantra. My hunch is that it will go something like, “wow!” But, it will only be revealed when I arrive.:-)
ENC: Chicago in the spring is the best. In Chicago we really earn spring. And, I think all that winter really makes us appreciate it. Fall is great too. If only they could find a way to make fall and spring longer and do away with the other two seasons.;-)
I probably won’t blog about it. My husband reads my shallowcoffee blog from time to time, and I think it would hurt his feelings to know how much I am missing this place. Part of the time I spent down there I was engaged to someone else. True, it was 15 years ago, but I think knowing he was my third fiance (the only one I married, of course) is still hard on him. I don’t blame him, I’d feel the same way if the shoe was on the other foot.
I can see why you have nostalgia for that place. It is beautiful.
Don’t think this as regret. As I can see, if you didn’t move to Austin you wouldn’t be planning on moving to France so early.
Kristen: You’re right probably better not to post about it. But, it does sound like your missing of the place is independent of your ex. There are so many beautiful places in Oregon to miss. I do have the occasional craving for Corvalis and Canon Beach.
F.O.T.: I know, I don’t think we would have ever dared to leave for Chicago for France. I do wonder if someday we will find our way back there. A part of me hopes so and there is another part that says nope, it ain’t happening.
The View of Lake Michigan from Lake Bluff is so gorgeous…incredible.
Terrific post.
Cheers ; )
Paul: I am so delighted you found my blog. Bluff beach is, in my opinion, the most gorgeous beach in the whole of the North Shore. The variations of the color of the water are so beautiful. This picture makes me wish I had taken more pictures of the beach while I was there.
And, I am really forward to reading more of your blog. You find great stuff. Really love your aesthetic.
Thanks again for your kind comment.
Such lovely pictures and with your writing it seems we are there feeling even the smell.
Love it my dear.
xx
Seeker: I feel I really have accomplished something if I have taken you with me to Lake Bluff. Merci! xo
Even though I live in North Carolina, and it is a wonderful place, I have fallen in love with Chicago and Evanston while visiting my daughter. I could easily live there ( except for the cold ). I love downtown Chicago, and Evanston is a great little town. Sadly she is leaving Northwestern and moving to Indiana
. She has decided she doesn’t want the PhD. I will have one more trip there in August, so I have to get everything in that I haven’t done yet. I don’t know where Lake Bluff is, but I will try to find it. The first time I saw Lake Michigan from the Northwestern Campus, I was awed. I didn’t expect it to be so pretty. We have had nice picnics by the Lake. Anything very important that we should do, restaurant not to miss advice would be appreciated. We do want to go to Chinatown and Greektown. Please keep up your faith that things will unfold as they are meant to. I truly believe that, and I tell myself that every day.
Leigh: I love Evanston too. It is a great college town. Lake Bluff is about 35 minutes north of Evanston. A great way to get from Evanston to Lake Bluff is to take Sheridan Drive. It is such a beautiful drive. I cannot recommend it enough. If you make it to Lake Bluff I recommend eating lunch at Holly’s American Bistro. My favorite French place in the Northshore is in Highwood at a great place called Froggy’s.
Museums in the city are a must. And, there is an endless amount of great restaurants in the city.
There is not a lot to do in Greek town; however, there are plenty of good Greek restaurants. I like the Parthanon. They have a great lamb special on Thursday that comes with the most amazing cooked romaine lettuce. I know is sounds terrible–but it is so good I would travel to Chicago for it.
Hope you have a great time when you go. Say hi to the Bluff for me.
And, yes, I do believe that things will unfold as they are meant to. Thanks for your post!
Beautiful photos. It’s okay to indulge in this nostalgia. I go through this from time to time. Really, I think we all do. I know Austin has been disappointing on the whole but it is just a temporary stop in your journey. The world is your oyster, mon amie. If your oyster is France for awhile and then back to Lake Bluff… what a delicious oyster! Okay, enough with the oysters!
When I feel this nostalgia for a place, I allow myself to say, “if I want to go back, I can go back.” Sometimes, just allowing myself full acknowledgment of that option helps me to continue on the journey. But at least you’ve taken the journey. How many people can say that?
I am your friend (oh yes, hear me now and fear me later) and I know you… this experience has only deepened you in beautiful ways. I know it has been hard and continues to be at times. Thank you for sharing this experience. It really resonates and reveals yet again your beautiful spirit and courage!
B:It really is beautiful. Isn’t it? And, what I am grateful is that I really appreciated it while I was there. But, as Lake Bluff is a place for families every outing was a constant reminder of what we didn’t have. I think that the reason I am missing my old home so much is because that is the place we planned on having children–and for most of our time there there was hope that we would actaully do that. Le sigh. Even if we went back to Lake Bluff the hope we once had there is gone forever.
Thanks B for your continual affirmation and support. I am so grateful for your reflecting that you believe that this experience has deepened me. I also want to thank you for helping create some positive Austin memories. Our time in the boot store, night on 6th street, and evening at the Oasis were memories I will take with me wherever I go.
And, FYI, I enjoy a good oyster. A little lemon juice and horseradish. Yummy!:-)
Sigh. Those pictures make me want to go somewhere. Anywhere. And rest.
WendyB: It is definitely a different pace than NYC. Rest is good. Hope you can get some.
The photographs of your garden and the area are so beautiful, I can see why you were so grateful to have been there. Only reading your words it sounds a little as though you felt maybe you didnt deserve such beauty (or am I reading too much into this?) If its true, I want you to know you DO deserve to have that beauty surround you and more. You deserve it because you appreciate it and you are not afraid to share it around.
no sentences or no words i get to write after i saw your blog , nice blog , i suppose are you very busy with your work ,these lines is saying by your work , nice work you have done.
keep it up in forward direction
god bless you
take care
have a good day
sweet dreams
god bless you
Cybil: I just was struck by living in this environment of total beauty—I had never lived anywhere like there before. It really is astonishingly beautiful and so safe. We had come to the Bluff from L.A. where there are very little trees, if you like palm trees it is the place for you, and the shock of the beauty of all those trees made me feel so very grateful. It is astonishing the impact nature can have on you–if you are paying attention.
I did feel like I deserved to live there–now whether I belonged there or whether this was the right environment for me is a totally different matter.
I do appreciate you bringing up the point of deserving. I think in the beginning I did feel like it was all too beautiful for me. I am happy to say that I grew into the beauty.:-) Thank you for your affirming that I do deserve it.
Hoping this is just a 48 hour homesick. I have had enough!
When He-weasel read this post he threatened to put me on a plane to go see friends. But, that is different that going home. You know?
Rohit: Thanks so much for taking the time to visit my blog and for your kind comment.
I feel your pain. I still get homesick for San Francisco and the bay area that way, and I haven’t lived there in over 20 years. I miss Princeton, NJ and only lived there a couple of years. I miss these places most in the autumn, when LA weather turns on the blast furnace and I’m mentally in sweater mode. At least I was fortunate to find a home in LA on a street with lots of mature trees, and not palms! I planted a liquidamber in the backyard just to have a little bit of fall color. I don’t know if it ever goes away once you get a place in your heart.
But peut-etre the missing will fade once your new view is a Paris boulevard…
Deja Pseu: I can really understand your longing for SFO. I had a grandmother who lived there and I have all kinds of wonderful memories of going to the”city.” I haven’t really been to New Jersey(Newark airport doesn’t count), but I have friends from there that say it looks a lot like the North Shore of Chicago.
A tree lined street–where the trees meet in the middle of the street has long been my dream. We never had such a street in L.A. Lucky you to live in a L.A. neighborhood with mature trees. Where we lived the city was forever cutting down big trees to put in little ones that would grow into big trees that they would once again have to cut down. It made me cook-a-loo!
I look forward to the views I’ll have, the walks I’ll take, the flowers I will buy and the meditation practice I will take up when I am in Paris.:-)
You had a much nicer backyard than I do. If I ever move to Chicago, I might buy your old place.
We have a tendency to romanticize the past, so I think some of the bad memories you associate with Lake Bluff will begin to blur over time and you’ll embrace the rest, and love them more, a touchstone while still going forward.
Randal: It really is lovely. There was an amazing tree in the backyard that we had planned to put a swing on. He-weasel has drawn up the plans to add a second story. It is a lovely house.Le sigh!
And you are right, my memories and the sense of my time there are warming in the light of recollection.
I mean, I even miss my old reproductive endocrinologist. That says a lot about my ability to turn lemons into French sparling lemonade.
La belette, you write beautifully. Even in your comments!
Lake Bluff is gorgeous. We’re so lucky to pass through places in life that touch us, even during times that are bittersweet or painful. I feel homesickness for France often, and sometimes Raleigh, sometimes DC, sometimes Denver. I often wonder what my life would have been like if I had been able to move back to some of those places when I missed them so. But life unfolds as it does and still beautiful things happen.
Thank you for your honesty. I really love your blog.
Becky
Rebecca:Thank you so much for your kind comment about my writing. It means so much to me to hear that coming from a writer such as yourself. Truly, I am touched and grateful for your kind encouragement.
I feel sure that most longing for a place from our past is filled with much more than the obviousness of geography. But, today I just long for the greenness of the trees, the quietness of the village and the simple pleasure of walking to the lake. Le sigh!
This king of craving makes me wonder if that well worn cliche’ about never going home again is really true. Hmm…
Rebecca, I am always so happy read you comments and I really enjoy your blog.:-)
Merci!
Soon you will be in France…do you think you will have moments like that reminiscing about your townhome in Austin, drinking the coffee??? …LOL Just kidding. Soon you will be in France. Don’t forget the little people who read your blog when your are there becaue I live in the land of the fabulous apricot sized beautiful red strawberries and they are GOOD!
Tatting Chic: I could never forget my blog or the lovely people who read it.
In Austin the strawberries are the flavorless and tasteless variety. So, Tatting Chic, would you be so kind as to have one of those huge juicy strawberries for me? Merci!
La Belette Rouge, No problem, I will be glad to indulge you in the way of eating strawberries….er…I guess that’s means I will be indulging me!! All the more reason to oblige you…LOL
Tatting Chic: I think that is what you call a win-win.;-) LOL!
LBR – what you are describing sounds to me like a small mid-west town (i’m originally from michigan) but it is what you would get in any french village….but you’d have better cheese, better strawberries, great wine, you’d be speaking french and there wouldn’t be any north shore women talking about summer plans for the kids, maybe a golden retriever though..if it’s our village in france.
Alisa: It is good to know that all the great things I like about the Lake Bluff farmer’s market are available in France–with better quality cheeses and fruits and perhaps at a better price. And, as my French is not so good, even if the French women are talking about their children getting into Harvard or making the Olympic team I won’t understand what they are saying. And, Alisa, always happy to see a Golden Retriever. One of my favorite things to do in Lake Bluff was to go to the dog beach and watch dogs fetch their balls out of the lake. I love to see a dog having a good time.;-)
Beautiful photos,I love gazebos..lovely blog too!
Couture de Papier: Thank you so very much for visiting my blog and for taking the time to leave such a lovely comment. Merci!! Please come back again soon.:-)
LBR, I don’t know how you manage to respond so beautifully to all the numerous comments on your blog. I am starting to think that you stay up ALL night. And I think the He-Weasel must hate us for taking you away from him!
I will still love you if you don’t respond to this…
Gervy: That is easy:
1) Unemployment
2) No kids
3) Insomnia
4) An enormous gratitude for all who read my blog and who take the time to comment.
No, He-weasel loves you all! Believe me, he gets plenty of Weasel-love and attention. No weasels are neglected in the making of this blog.
LBR, re 1) Unemployment – I see you used to work in journalism. Is that what you did in Chicago? I assumed you had a day job involving writing…
La Belette, I started out married life in Abilene TX where the west begins and after 3 weeks escaped back north. Told my new husband I needed real trees and real blue lakes. Now I live in a highrise in Chicago overlooking Lake Michigan and it has been a source of beauty and destressing. However, now it is time to move on to Seattle which I also love. All my 14 years of French language and Lit. have given me great Francophilia and I hope to enjoy your Paris life vicariously. I wish you well, look forward to your writings and sharing of your emotions and life. amities
Anony: Thank you so much for your post. You and I have very similar living itineraries. Only I started in Seattle and then went to L.A. and then to Chicago and now I am in Texas and then onto France.
I look forward to hearing what you think of Seattle after living in Chicago. In my mind they have a lot in common. Both are very clean cities and have so much to do. Both have great food and really friendly people. Really, they both make my list for my favorite cities in the states.
I am so happy you found my blog and I am happy you will be joining me for me French journeys via my blog!
Thanks again for writing.:-)
dcup: I have never been to Des Plaines. But you make it sound lovely. I do love the quiet beauty of the Midwest. I miss the garden, the trees, the overwhelming beauty and the peace and quiet of the North shore. Oh, and the lightening bugs. I miss them. I also miss the sounds of the Metra. Actually, I just miss having the Metra as an option.
Evanston is lovely—however, I miss my friends in Evanston more than I miss it as a place. Every Friday I would go there. I miss it!;-)